Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Your opinions, please...

(32 Posts)
NameChanger54321 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:03:09

Name changed as DP knows my username grin

I really try to keep a relaxed head on my shoulders and try and not stress about things, so I can't work out whether this is ok, or whether I'm a walkover (my friend's words).

Last night, the guy I've been seeing for 7 months (will refer to him as DP for ease in this thread) text me and said shall we have a takeaway tomorrow night and a chilled night watching Netflix? I said yes. I asked whether it'd be ok to do some work on my laptop for my second job whilst we do that as I'm swamped and he replied jokingly, with a hint of seriousness saying, "It's never just a chilled night lol smile" So I made a conscious effort last night to do what I needed to do quick time so I had tonight with him.

We saw each other last night but really late, for like an hour, and then stayed overnight together. So it's not like I haven't seen him.

He's on a training course today so I dropped him there on my way to work this morning as it's difficult to park. I text this afternoon and asked if he needed picking up or was he getting the bus. He firstly replied and said, "That'd be amazing, sweet x" then replied about 30 mins late saying, "Babe, don't worry about picking me up, we're going to finish at 4 from this training course then we're having a few drinks."

I replied and said, ok, let me know what the plan is for later, have a nice time. He replied saying his battery was really low.

Fast forward a few hours to about 7.30, he text saying, "I've had two ciders and I'm tipsy!" So I replied saying, "Lol, bad times! Shall I hang on for takeaway or should I get something to eat hun?"

He replied saying, "Babe!!!" - this is his way of saying, oh shit! Then again saying, "Eat just in case I don't get over to you. Work have paid for us to all have a bite to eat together. Battery very low x" then Screen shot me a picture of his battery on 1%.

My friend is saying I'm a walkover because he had plans with me tonight, and he hasn't discussed it to ask if it's ok with me to cancel or rearrange or whatever.

Am I being a walkover?

The way I'm looking at it is, he's on a training course - he's the only one from his branch there, the rest are people from other branches across the UK, it's been a good networking day for him and it's not like he sees these colleagues everyday at work. Work have offered to pay for a meal for them all. He barely goes out, like once or a month maybe, and even then it's not really going out, it's just going to his friend's house. And although he's not had a conversation per se (his phone battery didn't allow for it), he's let me know he's out and told me to eat without him and not just left me hanging. We saw each other last night. In fact, we've seen each other every night for the last week, so it's not like I'm starved of time with him.

My friend said I'm just used to being treated like shit by men and try too hard to be relaxed about things I should be annoyed about. Really?

What are your thoughts?

FuckingLiability Wed 22-Jul-15 21:06:34

I wouldn't be annoyed. He told you what was going on. I don't see a problem (apart from the 'hun'/'babe' but that's just me grin ).

NameChanger54321 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:06:51

Sorry, it wasn't 7.30. Just checked the times. It was 6.45 he messaged me. Doesn't make a massive difference, but probably necessary in terms of what time we'd usually eat at so was in touch before then.

NameChanger54321 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:08:15

FuckingLiability - LOL! We are a bit too friendly with each other! Sometimes, I call him an arse wipe just to mix it up a bit when he's off guard.

"Hey, arse wipe, get me a drink!!!"

Flywheel Wed 22-Jul-15 21:08:36

Unless he has form, I'm with you. Not a big deal and fairly exceptional circumstances.

TheNewSchmoo Wed 22-Jul-15 21:11:54

Your friend sounds jealous of your relationship. Is she single by any chance?

swift13 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:12:02

I'm with you, it isn't a big deal.

And even if you were being a pushover (which you aren't) I'd rather be a pushover than high maintenance haha

luckiestgirlintheworld Wed 22-Jul-15 21:14:37

This wouldn't annoy me. Unless he makes a habit of it, but I think these circumstances are particular and in this case it all sounds fine.

pocketsaviour Wed 22-Jul-15 21:14:46

For an evening watching Netflix, I wouldn't be bothered. It's not like you had tickets to the opera smile

NameChanger54321 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:15:46

Thanks for the replies! After being in an EA relationship a few years ago, I've remained single until I've known that I'm strong enough to when somebody is taking the piss, but also level-headed enough not to snap at insignificant things. But when friends make comments, I do worry whether I'm slipping in to old ways of allowing things!

Schmoo - That's an excellent point! She's not single but she is an extremely jealous person. Whenever her DP is out with friends, she texts me asking if she's irrational to think she might be "with someone else". If her DP has been on Whatsapp after a certain time, she's questioning whether they're speaking to another woman etc.

I guess I'm just not insecure about this guy, I acknowledge that he loves spending time with me and therefore don't feel like he's taking the piss on the one night he's had to change plans unexpectedly.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 22-Jul-15 21:28:42

Hmm, have to say I wouldn't be massively impressed if my boyfriend did this- in my book if you've committed to plans with someone then it's very rude to not stick to them. He could have predicted that he'd want to socialise after the training and not made these plans with you in the first place.
For me it wouldn't be a deal breaker but I would be concerned about the lack of respect it intimated and would have a calm open chat about it.

DoreenLethal Wed 22-Jul-15 21:36:11

What is slightly off is him coming to yours [or planning to] and not wanting you to catch up on work in your own house. The rest - is ok if the thing about work buying the food was known at around the time he told you. Any earlier and he really should have let you know as soon as you knew - so that you could crack on with work [as he knew you were trying to catch up].

WickedWax Wed 22-Jul-15 21:39:20

This really wouldn't bother me.

It sounds like the early finish and work paying for the meal were unexpected. a spur of the moment kind of thing.

I'd just enjoy an evening to myself.

Stitchintime1 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:44:19

"Babe" would be a deal breaker for me, but you like 'hun" so I guess you don't mind. The rest sounds okay to me.

mochindu Wed 22-Jul-15 21:50:00

wouldn't be a problem for me. If you'd made plans that involved something concrete, like booking a table for dinner or buying tickets for something, it'd be annoying, but the plans were quite loose and it probably sounded to him like you needed to spend the evening working anyway.

I'd let it go. I'd also stick a small red flag in the friend's opinions - it sounds a bit as if she has ishoooos of her own...

BoxOfKittens Wed 22-Jul-15 21:50:43

If it doesn't happen regularly, you've seen eachother every day this week and you were only watching Netflix and getting a take away (no commitment to tickets etc) then I see no problem. He let you know so that is the main thing.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Wed 22-Jul-15 21:53:53

What Doreen said. If he doesn't have form for this sort of thing.

ImperialBlether Wed 22-Jul-15 21:58:36

If you had work to do, you had work to do. It wouldn't have affected what he was doing if you were sitting there catching up. That's what would bother me.

NameChanger54321 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:58:50

Lol at the babe and hun again grin

I appreciate the feedback. He's just got home now and messaged to ask how I am and what I'm doing. He was heading to suggesting coming over or me going to him but it seems pointless at this time, so I told him we'd see each other another day. At least he still had intentions of seeing me, even if it is very late. It's still quite sweet.

Yes, I am happy with this one. I'm happy I listened to myself and the whole of mumsnet as opposed to opinions of my friends. It's so easy for people to try and lead you in to their way of thinking!

NameChanger54321 Wed 22-Jul-15 22:00:33

Imperial, yeh, I get you on that point. I must admit, I did pull my face a little bit when he said that but then thought maybe he just wanted to lie on the sofa together and hug and whatnot, so maybe he was just trying to be sweet. But yeh, I did make a mental note of that one! Especially when the extra work I've taken on is to afford the holiday we've booked, so it's not just like it's loose change.

LadyBlaBlah Wed 22-Jul-15 22:00:39

The babe thing though.........hmm

LadyBlaBlah Wed 22-Jul-15 22:01:43

Also, out of curiosity - why does he know your MN username?

PresidentTwonk Wed 22-Jul-15 22:05:14

Sounds fine to me as long as it isn't regular and doesn't happen when you have plans bigger than Netflix which isn't as big a disappointment as drinks/cinema/dinner etc smile ignore your 'friend'

ImperialBlether Wed 22-Jul-15 22:11:03

I think my advice would be don't get too involved just yet. Just hold back a bit. Have a good time, but don't lose sight of the fact that you're a great catch for him and you deserve a fantastic life. He might be that person who walks beside you throughout your life and he might not. You'll only know when you've given him time, watched how he responds in situations. If he brings out the best in you and you bring out the best in him, then that will be great. If he seems selfish, walk past him.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp Wed 22-Jul-15 22:15:49

Imperial I think that's a really great post. For anyone at any stage of a relationship smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now