Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

What time do you go to bed?

(54 Posts)
loopylou6 Wed 22-Jul-15 17:11:29

I work part time, dh works full time 8-5.
Recently his bedtime is becoming an issue, he goes to bed between 9:30/10, which then leaves me sitting on my own, which can be frustrating after being alone all day, even worse so on the days I work because I don't get home until around 8:15pm.
I get that he's tired, but, even when he's not in work the next day, he will still go to bed at that time claiming he needs to use his time off to catch up on sleep.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting him to stay up until the early hours, I wouldn't even want to do that myself.
I'm being selfish arnt I?

DarkEvilMoon Wed 22-Jul-15 17:13:27

Night owl vs morning lark issue?

TheMoa Wed 22-Jul-15 17:18:06

I am generally asleep by 10.

If I try to stay awake, I just end up falling asleep during films, or giving not-quite-there monosyllabic answers grin.

My sleep pattern is generally whacked though, as I work shifts. A night owl I am not.

loopylou6 Wed 22-Jul-15 17:20:58

dark, yes you're absolutely correct, that is it in a nut shell
themoa, are you my dh grin

Lozy79 Wed 22-Jul-15 17:21:41

No i don't think you are selfish, but I understand both sides and I am the one who goes to bed about 9. I am exhausted otherwise. We talked about it today actually, my husband is lonely he said sad So i need to compromise, so I have agreed to nights where I stay up. It isn't so easy for me though as I have a breastfeeding baby who wakes up a lot, so Id have to keep going up. Perhaps discuss it again and see if he is willing to set aside one later night a wk?

loopylou6 Wed 22-Jul-15 17:26:01

aww lozy, I don't blame you for going to bed when you do in your circumstances, we have no little ones, ours are older, so no issue with having to be up in the night.
we've had the whole, 'stay up with me one night a week' convo, but when it comes down to it, he flags :-\

Orangeanddemons Wed 22-Jul-15 17:26:11

I go to bed at 10 at the latest. Any later and I just fall asleep where I'm sitting. Dh goes to bed much later and gets up later. I'm a lark and he's an owl.

You need to accept each other's snooze patterns and not be mardy about it IMO.

Orangeanddemons Wed 22-Jul-15 17:27:16

What time does he get up at?

irie Wed 22-Jul-15 17:29:33

10.30 on a week night we both get in bed at 10 and watch the news and go to sleep when it ends! DS on the way though so imagine it could all change. Why don't you set aside some time on a weekend you can spend together or a weekly/monthly 'date night'?

Ridingthegravytrain Wed 22-Jul-15 17:33:17

It's lights out at 10 here but fortunately that goes for both of us. We are up at the crack of dawn with the kids though

loopylou6 Wed 22-Jul-15 17:34:26

he's up for about 6:45 orange ( altho I can't understand why, because he doesn't clock on till 8 and work is only a 15 min drive, plus he doesn't have breakfast at home)
irie, I think that's probably the best thing, going to have to have another chat I think.
He's bloody annoying tho because it's all very well for him waking me up early on a Sunday morning because he's ' bored' hmm

OverwhelmingEvidence Wed 22-Jul-15 17:47:16

DH and I usually got to bed between 9 pm and 10 pm - generally closer to 9 pm though. Probably a bad habit but we like to watch TV/stream something on the ipad first in bed.
We sleep in usually separate rooms due to his snoring, and the fact that he will go to sleep first but get up earlier.
I would absolutely hate it if I were made to feel guilty about going to bed early - likewise would hate to be woken up by someone because they are 'bored'!

Vernazza Wed 22-Jul-15 17:56:14

Loopy what about going to bed at the same time and reading or watching TV with headphones while he snoozes beside you - would that alleviate some of the loneliness? That's what I do when DH wants to hit the hay earlier than me.

Orangeanddemons Wed 22-Jul-15 17:59:16

We'll, 9:30-10 sounds about right for a 6:45 get up.

10 mins to get ready, 20 mons reading/settling,10-15 mins dropping off, means falling asleep about 10.45. exactly 8 hours to get up.

Crosbybeach Wed 22-Jul-15 18:26:55

We usually go to bed at same time. 11ish. But I'm a real early riser, I get bored waiting for him to wake up at weekend so go off and do stuff rather than wake him.

I think you just have to accept you are different sleep patterns and work out another time to spend together.

pocketsaviour Wed 22-Jul-15 20:01:36

he's up for about 6:45 orange ( altho I can't understand why, because he doesn't clock on till 8 and work is only a 15 min drive, plus he doesn't have breakfast at home)

I do similar to him. If I don't have sufficient "gradual wake up" time before I leave for work I end up feeling really rushed and out of sorts and sometimes quite nauseous. I get up at 6.30 and leave the house at 7.30.

My bed time really varies, could be anything between 9pm to 11pm (if I get distracted reading MN, haha) At the weekends I do tend to stay up later though. If I have a week of annual leave I can sometimes revert to teenagerhood and be on a 4am-12 noon sleep schedule grin

Dynomite Wed 22-Jul-15 20:53:04

He goes to bed at around 9.30-10, I
only get home around 9. He starts work about 90 mins earlier than me. He needs his sleep and I understand it. Like I need my sleep in the morning (he gets up earlier than me). So he lays his clothes out in the living room the night before and gets ready for work there so he doesn't wake me up. It sucks sometimes bc like you say, it's 10pm and you might want a nice conversation about your day. We talk for only a little bit during the week and only really spend time together at the weekend. But it's just the way it is, these are our jobs and we respect each other enough to let each other have as much sleep as we need.

Oliversmumsarmy Wed 22-Jul-15 21:08:11

Dh goes to bed by 9pm and gets up at 5.45am. Gets to work at 7.30am (doesn't have to start until 9am) and leaves at 6pm. Me on the other hand have to attend to 2 teens one who is ADD and one I think is ADHD. Make sure they are in bed and lights, games, internet and phones ares turned off. I have to make sure all uniforms are in place, the animals are all in, the lights are off. Sometimes I don't get back until gone 10pm so go to bed around 12-1am but have to be up by 6am. I am knackered. I wanted to go on a beach holiday to get some R&R in the sun, not that I get much relaxation with my 2. Instead Dh has booked a weeks sightseeing trip to New York in November.

LosingTheWillToSkate Wed 22-Jul-15 21:13:15

Depends, anywhere from about 11pm to about 4am really.

DH is an early bird and is generally always in bed before 11.

At the weekend he stays up later so we have a more similar bed time.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:19:22

I must admit I wouldn't be very comfortable with compromising / negotiating on going to sleep / getting up times, as it's so personal isn't it and you need what you need type thing.

I mean, unless I thought someone was going to bed early / late to avoid me or something!

I'm someone who wants and needs (and takes wherever possible!) lots of sleep though!

As much as you aren't happy with his bedtime, sounds like he's an early riser type and you're not, at least not so much. So he sure as hell shouldn't be waking you up at the weekends at 6.45 to entertain him! He can't have it all his way!

ByTheSea Wed 22-Jul-15 21:21:36

11.30-midnight on a work night. I'm up at a bit past five and have 3 ten-minute snoozes.

StrumpersPlunkett Wed 22-Jul-15 21:23:57

Dh and I vary a lot.
I fall asleep within 15 minutes of listening to some meditation stuff at 10-10.30
Dh is always knackered, knows he should come to bed earlier but stays up till past 12.30 most nights. It drives me mad when he moans about being tired.

StrumpersPlunkett Wed 22-Jul-15 21:24:51

Oh and we are up at 6.15 weeknights

NameChanger54321 Wed 22-Jul-15 21:28:29

I think your DP's bedtime routine sounds about right for the time he wakes up.

I'm actually worried my new job may cause us this same problem. It's going to be an hour commute away so I will need to leave at 7.30am, meaning wake up time at 6.30am.

I'm the kind of person who really needs 8 solid hours, so I struggle if I go to bed past 11 now. Whereas DP will stay up for hours after me and wake up at the same time. He also on the nights where we sleep at the same time, it's because he's waking at 5am for the gym. Crazy man...

IdaClair Wed 22-Jul-15 21:30:57

Around 1am on a normal night. Up at 7.15. DCs still wake in the night. I cannot get bedtime any earlier, I have too much to do and am often still doing paperwork/housework at 12.30am

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now