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What is going on?!

(12 Posts)
juicynectarines Tue 21-Jul-15 23:34:01

I've got a very close guy friend (we are both mid 30s). We have both been single for several years and we spend most evenings together (not overnight but we have dinner etc).
My question is this - how can I tell if he is interested in being more than friends? It seems strange to me that he would have stayed single for so long (and me as well). All our friends assume we are a couple, yet he hasn't made a move... Should I cut my losses and move on?? It really is quite confusing that a guy would want to spend practically every evening with me (though nothing physical more than hugs) if he wasn't interested but after all this time surely he should make a move if he is interested?!
Also he talks about other girls to me - but he never actually goes on a date with them. Help!
I don't know

griselda101 Tue 21-Jul-15 23:38:57

so to be clear do you really like him or do you more like him a bit in that way but feel like you should be with him as you spend so much time together and are both single? if you really really do like him then take him out, maybe a few beers would help!

sometimes friendships take a while to change into a relationship as both parties are paranoid that they will cause offence to the other or get rejected if they are not interested. so that could be holding him back if he does like you.

another idea is get him out somewhere different for a change, spend an evening somewhere you wouldn't normally (get out of town for a few hours, do something more "date" like even if you don't call it that) as sometimes that can change both your feelings / moods as it's a bit different so might give him more incentive to be more open about stuff or even put him more in flirt mode if he's interested.

have you asked any mutual friends what he thinks of you? might be worth getting their opinion too.

juicynectarines Tue 21-Jul-15 23:43:19

Thank you.
Yes I think I do really like him but I'm worried he isn't interested and I really want to avoid the embarrassment of saying anything if he's going to say he isn't interested. My friends say there is no way he isn't interested (some even have bets on it), but (aside from spending all his free time with me) he doesn't act like he is.

I've discussed with lots of mutual friends and they all assume we are secretly dating...what I don't understand is why he talks about other girls to me (in the context that he talks about them but I know is never actually on dates with them)...

I know I sound like a bit of a loser here. Trust me, I would think I was weird if this wasn't happening to me!

griselda101 Tue 21-Jul-15 23:53:39

stop beating up on yourself, it sounds like you're overly paranoid and assuming the worst when the chances are he really does like you, it does sound like it.

the talking about other girls thing might just be because he is afraid he will look too into you - he might want to call your bluff a bit just in case you aren't interested, which he may well feel like you aren't! Could be a case of you both thinking the other isn't interested. Or he could be trying to gauge your reaction.

can't you get a friend to ask him privately on your behalf, like "so are you and juicy an item them?" doesn't have to sound like you've put them up to it. it could be a perfectly innocent question.

i do think you should get him out of town for a daytrip somewhere exciting, a festival or something, get a few beers or do something fun, that might change the vibe between you and if something is going to happen it will be more likely to happen somewhere fun and novel.

LovelyFriend Tue 21-Jul-15 23:53:59

I've had a similar situation. Very confusing. It all ended in an embarrassing way (for me).

Apparently if I guy really likes a woman he will let her know. Even the shy ones.

So find a way to raise it with him if you have feelings.

Or create some space. Spend time doing other things. Go on dates.

LovelyFriend Tue 21-Jul-15 23:55:33

I mean dates with other people smile

juicynectarines Wed 22-Jul-15 00:01:12

Thank you all. He has actually suggested going on a trip somewhere so maybe I should take him up on it....

griselda101 Wed 22-Jul-15 11:00:29

if that's not an invitation to "date" then what is?? sounds like he's trying his best!! go for it.

juicynectarines Wed 22-Jul-15 12:59:15

That's what I would have thought but he goes on about other girls A LOT!!! confused

Garlick Wed 22-Jul-15 13:21:55

What do you mean he goes on about other girls? Is he saying he fancies them?

Some possibilities: He might be asexual, gay, or have obsessions he's not prepared to share. He might just not be interested in you 'that way' and passing the time with you. He might, as you hope, be lacking confidence. He might have some abnormality and doesn't know how to tell you.

I'm mystified as to why you haven't asked him if he's interested! Or jumped him, even?

busjs79 Wed 22-Jul-15 13:31:12

My DP was my best friend for about 15 years before we became a couple. Very similar situation - everyone (including parents) thought we were a couple but we genuinely weren't. We never actually had any conversation saying that we were going to be a couple, it just happened naturally!

My friends all thought I was mad and wasting my time - I kind of knew deep down that it would work itself out one day - I always hoped it would! I guess what I'm saying is trust your gut and don't push things - if he's suggested a trip I'd go and see what happens!

Good luck x

MadeMan Wed 22-Jul-15 14:07:27

When he starts talking to you about these other women, how do you react?

Next time maybe tell him, "Shut up about all them women mate, what about me?!" Then see what he says.

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