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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Have you missed your chance and regretted it.

56 replies

wellthisisstrange · 21/07/2015 21:30

After fancying my colleague for 5 years and never doing anything about it, he has suddenly been transferred to another department. The last time we spoke there was a definite connection. He was giving off lots of signals, I wasn't imagining things.
Now I have lost my chance, hhaven't I?

I want him to contact me, but I know it's not going to happen.
I'm not the type to make the first move.

OP posts:

Report

Anon4Now2015 · 21/07/2015 21:42

Do you still have a way of contacting him? If you do then you haven't lost your chance; you're just choosing not to take it.

Email him. Tell him that the place isn't quite the same without him there and does he fancy a coffee and he can tell you about his new job. See where it goes from there.

HugoRune · 21/07/2015 21:48

Shy bairns get nowt! If he's moved to another department you've nothing to lose in casually suggesting a meet up over a coffee or whatever for old time's sake. If he puts it off, message received loud and clear. If he wants to meet up then you're in gal! Maybe he's keen but scared to make the first move?

Chippedrippedandstinking · 21/07/2015 21:51

Unless by department, you mean another continent, just email him!

You only regret what you never did!

(Do it now! Go on go on go on!)

travertine · 21/07/2015 22:04

Hope you're getting on with your move okay. Bit funny now having you around.
He will either be pleased that you've contacted him and reply, or not bothered and won't I would think. Fortune favours the brave. Go for it!

wellthisisstrange · 21/07/2015 22:04

I don't have his email. He was in a managerial position, I'm not, so we never had reason to email.
It would seem odd and stalkerish if I were to start emailing him when I never had reason to email before.

OP posts:

travertine · 21/07/2015 22:08

Facebook friend request?

kinkyfuckery · 21/07/2015 22:09

Maybe he asked for a transfer as you were freaking him out and he wasn't interested?

If it's to be, it'll be.

worserevived · 21/07/2015 22:15

Actually I'd say his move has made it a whole lot easier, as dating someone you work closely with can be very awkward on a professional level, and even worse on a personal level if the relationship goes wrong.

I am sure you can get his contact details from the company internal web, or failing that it must be possible to for reception to put you through to his work phone number.

You only live once. Assuming he is single email or call. At worst he'll be flattered, at best he'll be delighted. You have nothing to lose.

It would only be stalkerish if you bombarded him with unwanted attention, which you obviously are in no danger of doing.

Chippedrippedandstinking · 21/07/2015 22:20

Won't his email be

[email protected] ?

wellthisisstrange · 21/07/2015 22:51

I would die of embarrassment if he didn't feel the same way.
I think he has feelings for me but I could be reading too much into it.
I'm going to leave things be.

If it was meant to be, he will contact me. Somehow.

OP posts:

Postchildrenpregranny · 21/07/2015 22:56

No go for it .As someone said much, easier now he's not in your department .What have you got to lose? Presumably you wont see him around so why be embarrassed.Norhing ventured...

muchhappierthesedays · 21/07/2015 23:01

Go for it-it could be the start of something wonderful and I'm a sucker for a happy ending!

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2015 23:03

LinkedIn? Still professional but you have a connection...

Can you not fabricate advice you need? Over Dinner? With wine? And snogging?

Chippedrippedandstinking · 21/07/2015 23:04

Id rather die of embarassment than regret.

Chippedrippedandstinking · 21/07/2015 23:07

Anyway catch onto yourself!!! No one actually dies of embarassment. If you don't ever find out he'll be your One That Got Away and will overshadow other relationships.

Have their been other relationships? 5 years is a long time to be wistful!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 21/07/2015 23:11

Look up his email / find him on Facebook.

"Hey - just wondering how the new job is going? I hope that they are being nice to you. Not a lot has changed here. Susieis now so pregnant that I have started googling "how to deliver a baby" every time she takes a deep breath. Lucy's birthday today so I'm trying to convince myself that the strawberry jam in the Victoria sponge is one of my five a day.* Lol Wellthisisstrange

Only really appropriate if you have a pregnant colleague called Susie
** Only really appropriate if your workplace is obsessed with cake. (Although in my experience all workplaces are obsessed with cake!)

chocolatespiders · 21/07/2015 23:17

Just do it....... do you ever see him around the place?

chinup2011 · 21/07/2015 23:22

You must pluck up courage. If the boot were on the other foot and he contacted you but you were not interested in him what would you think of him? - nothing, you wouldn't think anything bad of him.

I did not do the above and have lived to regret it, life's too short! You've got nothing to lose, use some of the PP ideas.

MadeMan · 21/07/2015 23:42

"I think he has feelings for me but I could be reading too much into it."

Yeah you could be. 5 years and nothing has happened, but you won't know unless you do something about it. Seems he won't be doing anything about it, so it's up to you.

RagstheInvincible · 22/07/2015 00:43

If it was meant to be, he will contact me. Somehow.

You've been watching too many chick flicks. Nothing is "meant to be" unless you go for it. He clearly won't make the 1st move so either you do or you forget all about it and move on.

You haven't missed your chance; you're refusing to take it.

MrsTerryPratchett · 22/07/2015 02:13

You've been watching too many chick flicks. Nothing is "meant to be" unless you go for it. You make your own luck. Both DH and the bloke I dated before him were convinced they sought me out. Fools. Bwahahaha.

ShebaShimmyShake · 22/07/2015 07:02

Faint heart never won fair maid. Or handsome buck.

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PenguindreamsofDraco · 22/07/2015 07:07

Why are you content to be a passive onlooker of your own life?

ChilliAndMint · 22/07/2015 07:18

It can't be that difficult to find his email address surely ?

Send him an e-card wishing him well in his new post.

Anon4Now2015 · 22/07/2015 08:03

I would die of embarrassment if he didn't feel the same way.

But nobody's suggesting you email and declare he's the love of your life! Would it be really be so embarrassing to email him and ask how the new job is going and maybe to see if he fancies a coffee? The worst he's going to do is say no. What's the most embarrassing thing that could happen - he's hardly likely to start spreading gossip...."You'll never guess what wellthisisstrange did? She asked me how my new job is gong! The horror!"

If it was meant to be, he will contact me. Somehow.

Stop watching romcoms. One of you has to make the first move. You said you'd missed your chance and regretted it - well you haven't, so do something about it.

And you can work out what his email address is from what yours is at work. Or use the company email directory/global address list

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