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residency order

(8 Posts)
illwashupl8r Tue 21-Jul-15 21:13:12

Good evening wise ladies!

Here I am to ask you all you know about Residency Order. I have been advised by WA today that I should get one...without going too much into details I left my abusive ex 1 year ago, but he is still messing with me and my child... I got to the point where I cry nearly every week for a new stunt he will put up, and I feel very tired. But also I feel finally strong enough to fight back. I just want to change the way this story goes, take finally control over my life back and make sure my DS is safe. I have no money (I do work and receive Tax Credit, but after bills rent childcare and food all I have left is pennies, and hopefully my ex will start to pay maintenance next week for the first time -reason he got so pissed off at me recently!-which is 26p p/w) and I know nothing about UK law. I don't even know if I can apply to the RO by myself or I will need a solicitor. I have an appointment in a month with a key worker from my local branch of WA, but I would like to gather as much info as possible to help me understand what is exactly a RO, what does it imply etc. WA also suggested that once I have that, if my ex will still try to make my life a nightmare as he is now I should get a Non Molestation order, so any explanation about that too and costs involved will be very helpful.

I am sure I will be thinking of some more questions but at the moment these are the most urgent ones....

So thank you for helping me out...literally out of a very soul destroying situation that has going on for far too long!

goddessofsmallthings Wed 22-Jul-15 02:15:39

Are/were you married to your ex and is he named as the father on your dc's birth certificate?

PoundingTheStreets Wed 22-Jul-15 02:22:15

They're not called residency orders any more, they're called child arrangement orders. The court won't accept an application unless you've been through mediation or mediation has been formally declared inappropriate. If you've been in an abusive relationship and that has been documented with the police, etc., you may be able to skip mediation.

IF you read ink{\]]r} it will answer most of your questions.


PoundingTheStreets Wed 22-Jul-15 02:23:22

Sorry. Link went wrong. Try this:

Court Orders

illwashupl8r Wed 22-Jul-15 07:31:25

Hi, thank you for your replies. We were no married, police have been called 3 times, but on one incident i called them back and said i didn't need them to come anymore (he stopped arguing and passed out drunk), I though never pressed charges and never reported violence (I'm currently experiencing ptsd and my clouded memories are finally coming clear, but I don't think I could change the statements now just because psychologically I'm in a better place. Plus he never literally beat me up. He did restrain me from holding my newborn when completely drunk and told me the he could kill me in various occasion. Unfortunately, as probably some of you can imagine, when I saw him barely standing, completely drunk wanting to get my baby and holding my arm (he is double of my size and a martial artist) I got mad and fought as a lioness to get my ds back. I still am ashamed of the person l had to become when l was with him, but l was just trying to survive and keep my son safe. Frankly, even if mandatory, mediation will not work with him ( and l studied med at uni!). He lies, actually believes in his delusions. He is so good at that that he kept me believing it was not his fault but mine for 4 and a half years. If l could skip mediation it would be so much better.
Also, any idea of the costs of all of it? I will need to rely on my family (and they are not exactly well off iykwm) and credit cards to pay for it, so I really need to know how expensive will it be.

Many thanks

goddessofsmallthings Wed 22-Jul-15 07:45:25

Is he named as the father on your ds's birth certificate?

Obviously any statements you made to the police at the time can't be changed but if you didn't report his violent behaviour, what did you report on the 3 occasions that you called the police?

illwashupl8r Wed 22-Jul-15 18:35:52

Yes the father is on birth cert. In one occasion,l reported that my at the time partner was extremely drunk and restraining me from get my baby, they took him away and he spent the night in the police station. So the incidented was reported but l never pressed charges. The second time he called the police (!) Because after 2 months that we split up he would not leave my house, or go to see a room l found for him, so l put all his belongings out of my property. In that occasion too, they took him away, asked me to press charges, but l didn't cause l naively thought that this was the end of us arguing and from then on we could cooperate towards our son wellbeing.

notrocketscience Thu 30-Jul-15 00:24:25

A non molestation order won't cost you anything. If, say for example, your ex is sending you horrible, threatening text messages and this makes you feel frightened, stressed and ill then take your phone to the police station and have a chat with them. If they are concerned for your well being and think it is appropriate they will serve him with a warning letter. He can sign it or not sign it as he wishes but if he then continues his harassment of you he may be arrested.
The advantage of a Residency Order is if your child is having contact with your ex but is not returned at a time agreed by both of you then the police have the power to go and retrieve the child for you. Without an RO they will probably not get involved.
At least this is my understanding. I'm open to correction but I agree with you that knowledge is power so all information helps.

Good luck.

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