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A mothers love

(5 Posts)
LoveLetters Tue 21-Jul-15 15:42:52

Feel like totally drawing away from my mum. I wanted to keep my pregnancy quiet because I've had problems with miscarriages... She went to a party and announced to everyone who would listen that I was pregnant. My niece overhead and totally took away me being able to tell her. She did the same when I got in contact with my dad, I didn't want to tell my brother because I just wanted to do it on my own with no influences but she told him anyway.
Then we went out with my daughter for something to eat and I watched them as I was ordering the food. She never spoke to my daughter once or tried to engage her in conversation.
Is it me or does she just lack a maternal instinct?
Today after 3 months of HG I finally have the strength to get my hair done. Which I haven't in about 5 months. You can imagine how awful it looks. She agreed to look after kids but has now changed her mind because she wants to go and play a board game with friends. I look like utter crap.. Surely any normal mother would see
This and say don't worry love you go and treat yourself. I'm so upset right now

cestlavielife Tue 21-Jul-15 16:21:56

you cannot make her be the person she isn't.
probably not worth time wasting on how or why she is how she is
look for support elsewhere.

Lottapianos Tue 21-Jul-15 16:25:42

Do you think she could be jealous of you OP? You had some lovely news which you wanted to tell people in your own way and in your own time, but she had to get in there first. Now you want to go to the hairdresser so you can look and feel better, and she's letting you down again. You're right - not just a mother but any person who cared about you would do anything they could to support you and make sure you got to that appointment.

Your title 'a mother's love' is very apt. It's incredibly hard to let go of the need for that love from your mother, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. She's treating you horribly and you don't deserve it. Is this part of a pattern that is starting to make sense, looking back? Has she always let you down and undermined you?

midnightvelvetPart2 Tue 21-Jul-15 16:29:16

I'm not sure she lacks a maternal instinct especially, more that she's just a selfish & thoughtless person.

Sadly you can't make her be the mother & grandparent that you want her to be, so drawing away a little will be good for your own mental health as your expectations of her will lower.

Were you able to get your hair done? brew

pocketsaviour Tue 21-Jul-15 20:57:08

You might want to drop by the Stately Homes thread. Lots of us there with similarly uncaring mothers. There are some very useful links on the first post, too.

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