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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Dumped I think

80 replies

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 13:10

Need to get this out there. So met a guy on line a few months ago. Things went a hundred miles and hour, mainly him pushing things. our kids met, stayed at each other house, talking about holidays tog even mentioned marriage. We get on very, but sadly his 13 daughter has really struggled and is very jealous. I was willing to take a step back and he spent all last week with her and most of this week was planned as father daughter time ( no problem other than sad as we missed each other so I thought) I was never critical and did my best with her, she said she really liked me but just wanted dad all for her own. However this weekend his seemed to cool and has announced this morning that he does not know how he feels about us. Can't believe he can go from me so say being love of his life and "being the one" to this. He has asked for a couple of days to think but I think this is it, so sad. I am not going to try and turn him around but just feel sad and need a bit of hand holding

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pictish · 21/07/2015 13:15

Aw bless you.
Whenever things seem to go at hundred miles an hour and is being pushed by the other, you need to take stock and slow shit right the fuck down. At very best, these people tend to be feckless, flighty and easily bored....and will probably fall 'in love' many times, before inevitably getting bored and going off the boil with whoever they are with at the time.
None of this is your fault, you have been swept along by his flattery and intensity I'm sure.

Chalk this one up to experience and move on.

I'm really sorry. x

KinkyAfro · 21/07/2015 13:16

Sorry but he's putting his daughter first and he's right in doing so. Move on

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 13:17

Thanks pic I think you are right, I have no choice to meet him later in the week to return a very expensive watch he insisted I wore and his lawn mower he again insisted I have. This almost seems cruel.

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ALaughAMinute · 21/07/2015 13:28

From what you've said I think his daughter may have had a part to play in his decision. If that's the case, he's an idiot, because she'll soon be an adult and have a life of her own. Perhaps he feels guilty that he's no longer with her mother and feels obliged to do anything and everything he can to reassure her?

I know you say you're not going to try and turn him around but I wouldn't reply immediately if he does try and contact you. He has hurt you so let him sweat it out!

Jan45 · 21/07/2015 13:35

Sorry but if he really wanted to see you he would, minus the daughter, he's using her as an excuse, he must have already have reservations about the two of you.

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 13:36

His wife ran of with a 30 year old ( she is 47) and they all live tog, I do have sympathy for his daughter as it must be hard for her but alaugh you are right she will be off with her friends soon and will not want to spend time with him.

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Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 13:38

Jan he is very close to his daughter, as we know kids can be very manipulative.

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pocketsaviour · 21/07/2015 13:39

Are you his first relationship after his splitting up from his wife? Just wondering if it's a bit of rebound on his part.

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 13:50

pocket yes I am the first after his wife left, has been 10 months. ( I of course was nothing to do with the spilit)

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Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 13:52

Wish I had never met him and believed all his talk, I have had enough heart ache over the past few years to last me a life time ( End of a 22 year relationship) am feeling vunerable right now.

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Jan45 · 21/07/2015 13:55

Yes I have a daughter myself, grown up, she's obviously the catalyst in his decision but I doubt she's the only reason. Why don't you try and meet up with him and get some answers?

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 14:01

Jan I have 2 boys, but maybe boys are different, my 15 year just wants me to be happy. I think his daughter and wife put so much pressure on him and he feels guilty. Last weekend we have a couple of days away and when we got back he was bombarded with calls and texts., just not a nice position to be in I guess. I have been very understanding. Beginning of a relationship should be fun.

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Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 14:02

We had had such a lovely time but was marred with all this.

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MyDogAteMyBelt · 21/07/2015 14:08

I think his daughter and wife put so much pressure on him and he feels guilty.

Sorry this has happened to you OP.

Some people are just cowards and need to make up an excuse to end a relationship, especially when they've already promised the earth and don't want to look like the bad guy.
He may well be exaggerating his daughter's jealousy.....
Why has his wife been putting pressure on him?

ALaughAMinute · 21/07/2015 14:13

I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from him again but I'd think twice about seeing him again if I were you because it sounds like he's carrying a lot of baggage. How long has he been divorced?

NickiFury · 21/07/2015 14:14

Send the watch back. Leave the lawn mower out at a certain time for pick up and then go out.

The best advice I was ever given was if they end it with you then go completely off line, no messages, no calls, no FB, no meet ups to return property. It gives you a certain amount of control of the situation back.

Clearly he's one of these that gets over excited and promises the world and then suddenly gets cold feet and frankly if his 13 year old is really struggling then at this point he's right to put her first.

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 14:17

Mydog we went camping and they were jealous, we had no signal ( which they knew) so he was unable to call the first night, ( he had dropped her off at 2.) but apparently wife said she was devastated. Also she wanted to borrow his camping gear and he said no ( not something they bought tog) all petty silly stuff. He is a good dad and I think part of the problem is that since the split he has had her every single weekend with out fail, until I came on the scene so she has stayed with her mum a couple of nights. I am sure he did not realise she would kick off so much but I am angry with his for allowing me to feel loved is that makes any weird sense

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Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 14:24

Nick watch would be expensive to send back and lawn mower I would but we do live quite far apart. He wants to meet F2F later in the week when he gets back from his little holiday with daughter but not sure I want to. Seems his mind is made up unless he is playing games.

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andthenagain · 21/07/2015 15:56

Stuff what he wants, What do you want to do?
Let him come to your home to pick up the watch and lawnmower but arrange for someone else -not you- to be there.

I don't think there will be a nappy ending here, stupid man

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 16:04

and honestly I need to have a good think, I thought we were happy until the little spat last week, if that all it takes make him wobble then the relationship is much weaker than I thought and it was all useless meaningless words and presents to impress and buy affection

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learntoloveagain · 21/07/2015 16:16

Why do you need to have a 'good think' op? He's ended it hasn't he?

I wouldn't make the effort to meet up with him to return his stuff. Put it on the doorstep at an agreed time.

Can I ask why he wants the watch back if it was a gift? I wouldn't make a fuss if he asked for it but he has got a darned cheek.

(Recent ex asked for several things back including a bottle of knocked off perfume he got from the pub and an Ann Summers all-in-one thing that was still in the box that I didn't want anyway.)

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 16:25

learn not really his exact words were he was not sure about us and needed to think and would like to meet up F2F to discuss. He has not mentioned the watch, that is me feeling that if over then I do not want it.

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Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 16:25

learn your ex sounds like a right knob sorry.

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butterflygirl15 · 21/07/2015 16:33

him going at 100mph at the start is a huge red flag

Honestly - post his watch back to him, leave lawnmower outside and go out. Do NOT under any circs meet up with him. There is nothing to discuss. You are not interested in anything he has to say. Nothing to say is there? Why would there be?

And he lives with his ex and her new bf? Blimey - thank your lucky stars then, you have had a lucky escape

Blossomflowers · 21/07/2015 17:45

butter lol no he lives alone and daughter stays over every weekend, his ex ran off with a 30 year old and daughter lives with them. Sorry for the confusion.

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