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How to dump quickly and painlessly

(28 Posts)
AtlantaMorisette Tue 21-Jul-15 12:41:34

Just so I don't sound mean and heartless, this is a fledgling, new relationship of only a couple of months.

He chased me quite a lot for the first while, was very consistent with calls and making an effort to see me and the past couple of weeks he's not really been arsed. He stopped calling, sometimes goes a few days without a text. Not seen him for two weeks actually and I did try but he was a bit evasive.

I don't think he really wants to be my boyfriend anymore, but when I tried in my own crap way to dump last week I somehow came away with more of a commitment. He seemed shocked and was asking what he's done wrong and wanted to discuss long term.

He's off away for two weeks holiday now, and when he gets back I am off away for two weeks of my own holiday and he basically evaded seeing me before he went so I am not sure how I am in this "non-relationship" but he basically expects us to pick up where we left off when the holidays are done. Not what I want from a relationship and it feels really off. I feel pretty unwanted.

I don't really want to "sort it out", I just want to go out with someone who doesn't act like that but feel really guilty, like I need to end it with him first but I have no idea how to end it with someone I never speak to.

I get very weird boyfriendly texts out of nowhere filling me in on the minutae of his mortgage. It's weird!

I won't be able to see him face to face to dump, and don't want to continue with this farce, but is it acceptable to call or send a text to dump? Really don't want to call...I'd be nervous. Can I send a text?

If I do, what are you meant to write on such things? As I said i tried before and it just made me feel awful.

What I really want to say is; "this isn't a relationship, I feel like an option and not a priority, you make time for what you want to make time for and your inconsistency has meant I have lost interest". But I don't want him to think this means I want him to chase me again.

He's a nice guy generally...I think just a bit hurt in the past but this isn't what I want. I just want someone who makes me feel special and amazing!

Are you supposed to explain to people why you are dumping them? I am rubbish at dumping...usually they dump me, or if I try and dump them it never sticks.

CMOTDibbler Tue 21-Jul-15 12:48:14

Sending a text is never ok to dump someone. See him face to face, be very straight out and clear - something like 'this relationship isn't working for me, I've thought about it, and I don't want to see you anymore. Goodbye, and good luck in the future'

AtlantaMorisette Tue 21-Jul-15 12:52:08

I can't see him (according to him) until 14th August! Am I supposed to spend my summer faithful to soemone I never see or speak to who can't fit in an hour with me?

Seems mad..

Ashwinder Tue 21-Jul-15 12:53:49

Face to face. Tell them you no longer want to see them. No explanations besides the fact it isn't working for you. No negotiations. Be kind but firm. Good luck!

learntoloveagain Tue 21-Jul-15 12:55:17

Of course you can dump him by text in your circumstances - you're not seeing him for a month and he's pissing you about. Definitely do it, get closure and enjoy your holiday.

I ended a relationship with a guy by text, put it nicely and said I would call him if he wanted me to. He took it well and said, don't call, I wish you all the best.

CherryBonBon Tue 21-Jul-15 12:56:14

There's absolutely nothing wrong with dumping someone over the phone when you've only been together a few months.

I wouldn't waste 2 more weeks waiting to see him. Dump and move on.

But I'm a heartless bitch

Ashwinder Tue 21-Jul-15 12:56:35

X-posted. If you're not going to see him for 3 weeks then it really doesn't sound as if he's that into you. I think a phone call would be acceptable in these circumstances.

SwearyGodmother Tue 21-Jul-15 12:57:26

I think in the circumstances it's perfectly fine to text. Had you plenty of opportunity to see him and do it face to face then texting is cowardly, but in this instance it's really not. Just be frank, don't be unkind and move on.

PresidentTwonk Tue 21-Jul-15 12:57:55

That's ridiculous! In your circumstances (or any circumstances really) it's fine to end things by text unless you're engaged, married, have children, share a home or have pre-booked holidays or shared finances.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers Tue 21-Jul-15 13:01:31

Text is fine for such a non serious relationship! Just text a nice text saying it's not working for you and wish him well.

juneau Tue 21-Jul-15 13:05:21

Normally I would agree that its never okay to dump by phone or text, but really this is such a non-relationship that I will make an exception! I think you should phone him, ideally, rather than text. However, if he's truly incommunicado on the phone then yes, a nicely worded text or email will have to suffice. I really don't see why you should drag it out for a further month just because he couldn't make the time to see you before he goes on holiday. Be kind, but unambiguous.

AtlantaMorisette Tue 21-Jul-15 13:06:07

I don't think the problem is that he's an arse or anything...I more think it;s a situation where he likes me a but and would like to see what happens when he gets to know me better after the summer, but for him the summer is busy he has holidays planned with his kids and a lot of new work on. So I suppose he is expecting me to sit tight and wait.

What I want thought is to have a boyfriend who wnats to talk to me every day and is happy to steal an hour with me, even at lunch break or whatever because he really wants to see me.

I also don't want to spend my summer "waiting" on someone I don't really know well enough to wait for.

OverwhelmingEvidence Tue 21-Jul-15 13:07:26

I would text and ask him to phone you, and tell him it isn't working for you and think it is best that you both end it now. If he doesn't phone within a couple of days then I also think it is fine to do it by text (given the length of the relationship/circumstances).

AtlantaMorisette Tue 21-Jul-15 13:10:07

And I know what he will say which is "let's start again after 14th August" but I really don't want to start again with someone who could not be arsed really the first time around.

I just want to feel special and wanted. He's very nice but it's not enough really if it's on and off based on his life.

I will send a text then, thanks. I did try before but I'll aim to word it diferrently this time. Last time it just ended in me feeling like a bitch or a demanding ball breaker. I tried to be nice!

Rosieliveson Tue 21-Jul-15 13:16:09

I have ended a relationship by phone. It was a whole year old but we lived in different towns. It didn't seem fair to keep things going in theory and then wait a fortnight until we broke up. It wasn't the best phone call of my life but I explained that I didn't want to continue in the relationship and was sorry to hurt his feelings. It was fine. To be honest I felt better about it than letting him plan for a weekend together then turning up and ending it.

HellonHeels Tue 21-Jul-15 13:16:42

At a couple of months in and when there's no chance of seeing each other for a month just send a nice "this is working for me" text wishing him well.
If he tries to restart things you don't have to engage with that at all.

AuntyMag10 Tue 21-Jul-15 13:35:51

In this situation text is fine, if you're feeling brave a call might be better. It would be ridiculous to waste your time staying in this 'relationship' for a month just so you can do it face to face.

AtlantaMorisette Tue 21-Jul-15 13:51:39

Yes that's what I thought. I couldn't see myself feeling positive at the end of another month about someone who's come across as extremely not bothered so it seems like the ship has sailed really.

shovetheholly Tue 21-Jul-15 13:52:01

In the circumstances, I'd consider it firmly over, and myself free to date based on the minimal commitment of a very short relationship and my own decision not to pursue it further. It's hardly like you can be that exclusive after just a couple of weeks! In August, I'd meet up for a summary coffee, and tell him I wasn't interested avoiding any drawn-out discussion.

CheersMedea Tue 21-Jul-15 18:26:56

I would do it over the phone and have a pre-planned script and stick to it.

Texting isn't really very nice! I get that you don't want to phone him but it's the right thing to do if you don't have a face to face opportunity.

Just keep it short.

If he says "let's pick up again later" just say "I'm sorry but we aren't a match and it's only fair to you that I'm clear about that now."
And repeat.

If he persists just say "I'm sorry but I'm not interested in being in touch with you after the holidays."

CheersMedea Tue 21-Jul-15 18:28:34

About the "we aren't a match" bit - what I meant was don't give any reasons or detail at all (like "you aren't that bothered about me") because that invites argument and attempts to persuade you otherwise.

If you just stick to "I don't think we are a match" or "I don't think we are suited", it's your opinion and it's difficult to argue with.

Anon4Now2015 Tue 21-Jul-15 20:13:31

Yes text him. But don't tell him that you want someone who makes you a priority as that will seem like a conversation about the relationship continuing. Just tell him you think he's a great guy but this isn't working for you and you wish him well but you don't want any sort of a relationship with him when he gets back.

TheStoic Wed 22-Jul-15 04:14:32

Honestly, I wouldn't do anything at all. It sounds like it fizzling out all by itself.

Consider yourself single, and if you need to make it official after your holidays, just do it by text. That's if he contacts you again at all.

goddessofsmallthings Wed 22-Jul-15 04:34:28

In your circumstances a simple text 'Our relationship has run its course. Nice to have known you. All the best for the future' will suffice.

If he subsequently responds with an invitation to see how it goes in August or similar, simply reply 'I've made other plans' and repeat 'Wishing you all the best for the future'. '

Egghead68 Wed 22-Jul-15 05:09:09

I think it's fine to just let it fizzle out.

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