Dating advice

[Feawen]

I need to let someone down gently and I'm not sure what to say. We met online, had a great date followed by great sex, which I assumed was (and was happy for it to be) a one night thing. He called the next day to check I'd got home okay, after I left early in the morning, which was sweet. There was a very vague mention of meeting again sometime but no definite plans. All good. He had made a few comments about not being the settling type and I took him at his word.

Then I came down with an ear infection (a judgment on you, I hear some of you cry ). In the middle of this he asked me out again. I told him I was sick but said we should talk in a few days, which I shouldn't have done, but I was feeling dreadful and couldn't face nipping things in the bud. Well, since then he's been really sweet, asking after me and sending funny links to cheer me up, and has said a few times that he's looking forward to seeing me again.

I feel awful, but I just don't want to! He is sexy and articulate but there are things about him that I wouldn't cope with in a boyfriend. Moreover, an old friend of mine asked me out over the weekend, and I think I might like him quite a lot.

Basically, without meaning to be unkind, I've strung my online date along. How on earth do I say to him that he's great but not for me? I can't tell him there was no spark - there was spark! - just no lasting fire. Is it better to mention my friend, or make some other excuse?

For the record, I have no children to distress by my occasional flings. I'm usually here for the style and beauty advice

[Whatsforsupper]

You are way over thinking this:)

You don't know him have dated once you owe him very little other then a polite, no thanks!

I suggest you send a message saying the following.

Hi, I enjoyed the date we had, on reflection I don't think you're for me. I won't be available to date you again. I think its best we don't have any more contact. You're a great catch and will make some girl a lovely BF.

If he take it badly don't engage, block and move on. I don't think it'll come to blocking.

[niceupthedance]

Erk I'd leave out the last bit about lovely/great catch... Bit condescending?

But definitely a simple 'I've given it some thought and actually I don't think we should see each other again, sorry' should do. Rip the plaster off.

[FolkGirl]

I would just say, "hi, it was lovely meeting you but, on reflection, I don't think we should see each other again. I wish you well and hope you find what you're looking for"

That's the kind of thing I used to say and never got a bad reaction from it.

[MadeMan]

I prefer it when women are blunt and honest with me, rather than sugar coating and trying to be gentle or nice.

Just tell him you're not interested in seeing him again and then hopefully he knows for sure that that's the end of it. If you try to be sweet and tell him he's a fantastic bloke but that you're not interested, it will mess with his head because it won't make sense to him at that moment.

Nobody particularly likes being seen as the bad guy when they reject someone, but in my experience it's the best way to be unfortunately.

[BromleyGal]

Yep, a short, sweet message will be fine, "hi xx. I've had a chance to think things through and I am not interested in meeting up again. I wish you well for the future.".

[Whatsforsupper]

Do let us know how you got on op!

Hi, Folk not seen you in a while!

[Feawen]

Thank you all. I wrote something very similar to Folk's suggestion in the end. No response so far, which is no bad thing.

I'm having dinner with my possibly-more-than-a-friend tomorrow. Wish me luck!

[FolkGirl]

Hello whats!

[MadeMan]

"Wish me luck!"

Good luck!