Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Childcare / Maintenance after separation - advice please

(7 Posts)
LittleWren17 Mon 20-Jul-15 19:49:00

Please can anyone offer me some advice?
I separated from my husband a year ago, it was my decision but it was clear that after many years together we were not united or supportive of one another and we spent a lot of time apart.

We have two lovely children and things are amicable on the whole. He pays me maintenance monthly in cash, based on the CSA recommended figure.

The main sticking point is childcare arrangements and costs.
I do get a certain amount of child tax credits which I rely on, however when it comes to school holidays , would my husband be expected to contribute to these extra costs?
Also, my husband has the children on Tuesday and Thursday nights. He picks them up from me at 5 pm and then returns them at 7 am so that he can go to work. However, as it is me that does all of the school runs, I am often late for work and struggle to fit my full time hours in around school.
Should I ask him to do the school runs on his days? He insists that he can't, but then i am left to pay the childcare costs because he can't collect them in time and pay extra money on fuel for all the pruning around. I love to be there for my girls but I don't feel that my husband is contributing to the responsibilities enough.
Perhaps I am wrong, but I feel like i am a doormat that accommodates him and I get very little back.
Also, my oldest child starts high school soon and I have a lot to pay for new uniform, a phone for her to keep in contact with me if she needs to and school lunches etc.

Please don't think I am greedy. I am genuinely struggling
Thank you x

IAmAShitHotLawyer Mon 20-Jul-15 19:54:08

Can he not take them straight to school in the morning after he has had them the night before? By law, his employer has to consider altering his hours to fit in with this, so he can't use "but I've got to get to work" as an excuse.

IAmAShitHotLawyer Mon 20-Jul-15 19:55:30

And why does he pick them up at 5, instead of when school finishes? If he's working he has to organise childcare until he can get there, like you would have to.

Doobiedoobedoobie Mon 20-Jul-15 19:58:01

I do feel for you, it's so hard, but I think if he's contributing every month on time, the amount he owes, it's a bit unreasonable to ask for more IMO. He has to live as well. It would be great if he did offer more, or if he could just pick up little bits for them ie new shoes when he has them for the day, but it's not to be expected imo, that's what maintenance is for.

Childcare is a different issue, and yes, imo you'd be more than fair to say you've had enough of being late and doing all the running around before/ after work, and if he wants them 2 weekdays he needs to get them to school the next day. If not he can have them on a Friday or sat night.

Handywoman Mon 20-Jul-15 20:37:01

I think if you are struggling to do your hours, you should ask him to share the burden, say, one of those mornings, so, for example the wed and fri mornings are his responsibility.

I also think it totally fair to split the cost of holiday childcare and the initial outlay of high school uniform.

I think dads who approach their role like OP's ex are probably the same ones who believe that looking after their own children is 'babysitting'.

My ex is one of those. It is hard

LittleWren17 Mon 20-Jul-15 22:54:53

Thank you all..
He is a self employed tradesman and so always has the excuse that he has to get to work and can't finish in time to pick them up at 3:30.
If he could just do his share on 'his' days, then it would make things more manageable for me and put less financial pressure on me.
To be honest, I'm at my wits end with everything. His earnings are 3 x mine and it would be nice if he could offer to pay toward some childcare costs in the hols. He really has no idea and is in his own little bubble.
Is there any guidance on what defines an overnight stay? Should it include taking the children to school the next morning? It just seems unfair that I pay the breakfast club cost because he likes to get to work early! Sorry, I'm ranting lol x

JessicaLuis232 Sat 03-Sep-16 08:21:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now