advice on husband that won't leave

[ninjaaswell]

Hi, i am hoping to get as much advice as possible. My situation is that my STBXH has had an affair and the marriage is over.
We have a joint mortgage and three children. He is refusing to leave the home so things are quite bad.
I want to sell the house and move on with my life.
Is he legally allowed to stay?
Would I be able to get housing benefit and leave if he won't?
I do work part time but do not earn enough to support my family without help.
If anyone can help me with what I can do and what I can expect over the coming months I would very much appreciate it.

[PercyGherkin]

If you jointly own it it's his as much as yours and neither of you can force the other to leave. If the two of you can't agree whether it should be sold or not, you're going to need to get a court order for the sale. Have you been to a solicitor yet and started thinking about the divorce and financial settlement?

[ninjaaswell]

Yes it is a joint mortgage but we have agreed to sell. I have not seen a solicitor yet as this is very recent and I am just trying to work out what my next step is. He has moved his wage to his own bank account so not sure how we are going to pay bills and things.

[butterflygirl15]

yep see a solicitor asap. If you are no longer together you can claim as a single mother though. Do you work? If so you can claim working tax credits alone even if he is under the same roof. No more cooking, washing or anything else for him though.

[pocketsaviour]

You can speak to CAB about what benefits you can get but if you are the primary care-giver for the children then yes you would almost certainly get housing benefit, as well as child tax credit and/or working tax credit and council tax reduction. And your STBXH would also be paying maintenance, of course.

A solicitor might advise you not to leave the marital home as it sort of puts you on the back foot - they usually advise you to stay put with the kids and let your ex move out. However if the situation is abusive, I would say screw that and just get yourself and the DCs to a safe place.

As he is saying he won't leave, has he come up with a suggestion of buying you out of the house? Or is he just in complete denial fingers-in-the-ears la-la-la-i'm-not-listening mode right now?

[pocketsaviour]

x-post, I see you have agreed to sell so that's good, at least he's being fairly realistic. You may need to grit your teeth and hang in there until the sale goes through, but get a solicitor's advice on that.

[ninjaaswell]

At first he wanted me to move out, take my name off the mortgage and leave the children with him. Of course I refused.
He has now agreed to sell and I have an estate agent coming tomorrow I just don't know how long I can keep living in the same house. He is refusing to leave as he doesn't see what he has done as wrong and is putting all the blame on me for the break up .
I do work but only 10-16 hours a week so I will contact tax credits today and see if they can help.

[hereandtherex]

He's as much right to stay as you.

You need to get the legal ball rolling and things agreed before you start making any decisions.

Your ex may be being a dick but at the mo. he can.

I would not plan on tax credits lasting much longer. They are on their way out. You need to get the finances sorted and a full-time job ASAP.

As in most divorces, you have to be realistic and expect your life style to drop considerably. You'll end up working much more hours for less income.

[hereandtherex]

Dont take you name of the mortgage.

[itsazoohere]

Hope you are staying strong, Ninja.
Separation/divorce can be horrible.
Make sure you talk to friends close to you.

[SassyPasty]

Don't do anything until you've consulted a good solicitor specialising in family law - by all means get a valuation from an estate agent but don't sign anything until you have legal advice. You could end up putting yourself in a worse position overall.

[ninjaaswell]

Thankyou everyone. Well finding a good solicitor tomorrow is going to be my next step then. I promise I will not sign anything until I have all legal information.
Does anybody now the position of legal aid?
As for finances I would only need a helping hand for a little while I get everything sort out.
Luckily I have some very good friends who will be with me all the way.

[pocketsaviour]

You won't get legal aid unless there are recorded instances of domestic abuse.

[SassyPasty]

Well done It's very easy to be bowled along by what he says (been there, done that - my ex sold several assets before I woke up and smelled the coffee!)
Benefits-wise you may be able to claim housing benefit for 26 weeks whilst the house is actively marketed but, again, you need to make certain that selling the property is the most financially sensible thing to do. Also, your and your ex's situation would be looked at - ie ability to earn (yours might be less as primary carer for the children) and so an equitable split of assets will be based on that.

Good luck with it all, it may take some time and gritting of teeth but you will get there