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So angry with my sister

(5 Posts)
alittletoomuch Mon 20-Jul-15 12:31:58

I've name changed for this, as it's very personal.

I didn't know where to post this, and I don't even really know what I'm hoping anyone can say to me. I feel like this is driving me mad, and it's probably not even my business...

Basically, my sister is cheating on her husband (she has been pursuing a man and eventually 'got' him, as far as I can tell from what she's said to me). I abhor cheating, who doesn't, but what's worse is that she is also actively trying to conceive with her husband!? They already have one DS and without going into too much detail, they are not the most amazing parents and both seem to resent having to look after him. It is all quite strange, and quite strained. She has basically said that if she didn't have DS she would leave DH, but I'm not sure how true this is. They discuss divorcing every few months but then make up and muddle along for a bit longer. It's a horrible cycle.

She has told me about the cheating, this is not the first man it has happened with. She doesn't feel any remorse, and seems to blame her husband for not making her feel attractive. But she also tells other people that they will try for another baby soon. She is so irresponsible and needs constant support from my parents, in terms of money, emotional support, childcare for her and DH to go on holiday! Another baby will just mean more demands on them. It is getting too much for me to bear, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to cut her off because she is my sister, but I don't know how I'll handle it if/when she announces she is pregnant. I am so angry with her for behaving like this. I wish she would just grow up. I feel sorry in advance for the poor children caught in the middle of such a mess. I genuinely think I am more anxious about it all than she is, I can just see it all going so horribly wrong.

Sorry, rant over. Should I just try and keep out of it all?!

RibbonJar Mon 20-Jul-15 12:41:54

Yes, definitely keep out of it. I have a sister who also lives her life going from one attention seeking drama to the next. She drains the life out of us all demanding support (emotional and financial) but never listens to anyone's advice or changes.

I now limit contact with her to birthdays and Christmas (even though she lives quite close to us) and I don't get involved in her self-made dramas. It was another family member who pointed out to me that she just offloads all her stress onto us and then happily goes off and repeats the same behaviour & mistakes over and over again.

The relief is huge and I'm much happier not stressing and worrying about her.

alittletoomuch Mon 20-Jul-15 15:40:18

Ribbon that sounds so similar, the offloading onto everyone else and then carrying on just fine herself is exactly it!

RibbonJar Mon 20-Jul-15 19:30:44

It's hard when it is a family member who acts like this as you feel obliged to help or at least listen. However, it clearly stresses you out and most of us have enough stress of our own without taking on someone else's. You don't need to go 'no contact' with her, just learn to detach so her drama isn't affecting you.

If she starts offloading onto you, change the subject. My sister doesn't even try to involve me in her dramas now as she doesn't get the reaction she's looking for. I hear a few bits from other relatives but it doesn't worry me the way it used to.

Doodlebug300 Mon 20-Jul-15 21:31:04

Be there for the kids but try to disengage with your sister. Nothing good can come from being tangled up in her shit.

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