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Seperated but no further on

(4 Posts)
Twofatladies88 Mon 20-Jul-15 10:30:36

i threw my husband out of the house nearly two months ago for a mock suicide attempt when I said i wamted to leave. he had done this before so calledambulance and left. Got back into house as couldnt live out of a bag eith daughter. since then he has left and comes to visit our child. That has now broken down and seems to just scream at me when he doesnt get his way. i really think he is either desperate or there is something really wrong.

i agrred to let things cool down and we started a separation agreement - but everytime we try and talk about the reality of that he just goes silent on me. This now includes our child. i feel he's trying to provoke me somehow but I am really fed up, and think he'sjust trying to string me along until i say come back.

my child is upset and doesnt understand. he wont contact her now. i have tried to be reasonable i think but he just wants it all back without any change and doesnt seem to have done much except work.

Has anyone been through similar? i think he had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but not sure it could be more serious than that - he seems to be on meds, sometimes talking about suicidal thoughts -then hes off them again. what rights do i have to know about his condition if he wont tell me?

midnightvelvetPart2 Mon 20-Jul-15 11:03:25

So just to clarify, you & your DD are in the house & he's living elsewhere.

If you have split up then you have no rights to know about his medical conditions or diagnoses, your only concern with that is whether your DD will be properly cared for when with him.

How old is DD? Does she still want to see him?

Twofatladies88 Mon 20-Jul-15 11:50:24

yes thats right.

she is 3 and still wants to see him. it worked quite well for about a month. hes now ignoring skype calls as agreedand refused to take her out after he disagreed with me about next weekend where contact was going to be dofficultdue to prior arrangements. hes accussed me of not prioritsing their contact and i agree and apologised. ive ahreed in principle to written arrangements so its much clearer what happens but hes now just ignoring me and by proxy her.

i have concerns about his mental health but i dont know how concerned i should be. previous talk amd action about suicide and there has been abuse of me.

i dont wanttoruin his relationship with his daughter - just want to make it right with mimimum of affect or hurt for her.

midnightvelvetPart2 Mon 20-Jul-15 11:59:43

Get more assertive! Stop apologising to him! He does have a right to have a relationship with her but not to her detriment & his contact cannot be allowed to ruin your already made plans, there will need to be flexibility on both sides. Your prioritising his contact does not mean that you have to drop everything & run when he says so.

Re his mental health, if you think your daughter will be disadvantaged either by his actions or his words when he has care of her, then you can refuse contact. Her safety is paramount & above all things, even his rights to see her. You have to make that call, his right of contact does in no way mean she should be put into a damaging situation.

A written agreement is a great idea, but I wonder if would keep to it. Try it by all means, but if he fails to turn up without prior communication then you should not be expected to just hand her over when it is convenient for him.

Have you considered a contact centre for access?

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