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how to deal with a man who withdraws affection

(13 Posts)
What2do1984 Mon 20-Jul-15 09:01:30

so DH and I been together 11 years married for 1 3 DC we have had a rough old year. very stressful as we both work full time and different hours so share childcare. 3 days out of the week we see each other for no longer then an hour its very very draining. as the time has gone on I seem to be the very social one one DH is more with drawn would rather sit in front of the tv then come out and socialise I think he has traits of aspergers as does my middle dc. any to cut a long story short everytime I either tell him he is a boring old fart abd needs to start showing me.more attention or example ive had a bloody brilliant weekend had a drink (probably too much tbf) with a friend then a bbq sat night which he was invited but wouldnt come , he has withdrawn from me since friday. been sleeping in the spare room like a spoilt brat. we havent had sex now for nearly 3 weeks normally its 4 times a week. I just give up to think im going to have to accept ive got to live life and do my own thing and leave him dragging behind with a face like a slapped arse.

midnightvelvetPart2 Mon 20-Jul-15 09:11:13

Do you still want to continue in this relationship? Or would you be happier going your own separate ways?

What2do1984 Mon 20-Jul-15 09:39:30

this is the problem I have I really dont know what I want to do. I think im scared to be on my own. I went as far as got him to pack to move out then I paniked and told him to stay . I do love him if I didnt love him I wouldnt be fighting for this relationship but I dont know if I can fight any more the more he withdraws into his cave the more its pushing me away

ohlamour Mon 20-Jul-15 09:51:05

My ex p was similar, very loving & affectionate then started withdrawing from everything. All he wanted to do was watch tv or sleep. He also withheld sex coz he knew i wanted it. I left him, as it was clear he didn't have the guts to do it himself. Somewhat easier for me as we weren't married, didn't live together & no kids together. It's been v hard though, but i knew i couldn't go on like that. It destroys ones self esteem.

What2do1984 Mon 20-Jul-15 10:01:07

its so childish tho isnt it , why do things to delibrately hurt the other ? he does things that he knows will wind me up on purpose but then seems to get a kick out of making me angry

midnightvelvetPart2 Mon 20-Jul-15 10:58:25

Yes but you are doing your fair share of winding him up as well, calling him boring, demanding he shows you more attention, when he doesn't want to attend an event you go without him & come home drunk calling him a spoilt brat. You are deliberately hurting him as well.

Its not wrong for you to want to go out, have a drink & enjoy yourself.

Its not wrong for him to not want to.

Neither of you sound very happy.

What2do1984 Mon 20-Jul-15 11:07:54

I know I am a big part to blame for it as well and I am just as verbally horrible to him so I should expect it. I think we just dont get enough time together to just relax and not worry about rushing round for the kids so the little time we do have together we want to do different things. I do apologise to him usually which doesnt make it right but he never admits when he is in wrong to me. he never talks about our issues he bottles them up and says everything is fine which pushes me away. argh why us sad

Inexperiencedchick Mon 20-Jul-15 14:33:20

The love you give is the love you get...

What2do1984 Mon 20-Jul-15 14:38:53

I have given him plenty of love but when u constantly give give give and get nothing back

pocketsaviour Mon 20-Jul-15 14:39:36

Would couples counselling be a possibility for you? Your schedules sound very punishing and I don't wonder that you're struggling to communicate.

Inexperiencedchick Mon 20-Jul-15 14:41:46

I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be judgmental here, and you know better your situation. flowers

What2do1984 Mon 20-Jul-15 18:05:37

I am looking into councelling hopefully afforable as £50 a week is a lot with 3 DC

What2do1984 Mon 20-Jul-15 18:06:50

he came in from work earlier actually being really nice to me I just dont understand him he gets my head into such a confused state

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