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Relationship progression niggles (long)

(3 Posts)
Rlhorm100 Sun 19-Jul-15 21:35:18

Feeling a bit stuck and I'd like some opinions/advice. Been with OH for a while now, 4 and a half years and we have a 1 year old little girl. I'm happy, we get on great and he's a good father but I sometimes catch myself wondering if this is it. Our LO wasn't planned and before we had her our relationship was just kind of plodding along, we were exclusive but I wouldn't have called it serious - neither had brought up the whole 'where is this going' conversation. We were happy, had lots of fun and we were really into each other. Our lives were very much separate though, we weren't inseparable and we could go up to a week without seeing each other due to work and social life commitments.

LO was conceived during a really really busy, stressful period. It was all going on and I missed a couple of pills. I told him he could be as involved as he wanted and he suggested we got a place together. I enjoy living with him and I love our home. Our daughter is perfect, she's so happy and content.

There's just this niggle in the back of my mind and recently it's gotten stronger. I see my friends and colleagues relationships flow and progress naturally for want of a better phrase. You know, together first, moved in, married, baby ect. and can't help but wonder if we would still be together if we didn't have our LO. Would we have ever made that next step to live together or would it have eventually fizzled out. Recently there hasn't been much affection and our sex life isn't what it used to be. I do appreciate that were just so busy, we both work on top of having LO and we're tired come the end of the day. We have date nights every month or so and when we do have sex I always think that this is so great and why aren't we doing this more. I know he feels the same way too. He used to always talk about having another baby when LO was very small and now that I'm starting to feel broody he's not seeming that interested. He also will not entertain the topic of getting married ever. He does want to as he's told me what friends he would like to be best men ect. but when I bring it up he always says 'I'm not doing this now' or 'it's just not a good time.' Feels like I'm the issue and not the whole commitment aspect.

I know I should really speak to him but it will probably turn into an argument. Has anyone else been in the same position or had these same doubts. I often wonder if he'll be the one I spend the rest of my life with. I love him but I feel something is missing sad

SolidGoldBrass Sun 19-Jul-15 22:21:36

TBH this sounds like an inertia relationship - the two of you never really planned to be life partners but you are both basically OK people who mean well and there's no good reason to split up but you bore each other a bit. Because there is so much propaganda to the effect that real grown ups have longterm, monogamous, committed relationships and that to be single is to be immature, selfish or a loser, plenty of people end up in this sort of situation, and it can pretty much suck out your will to live.

The most important thing to remember is that when you have a child with someone who is basically OK, you can be great parents without being a couple. As long as you can put he DC interests ahead of yours and his and be reasonable with each other, things will be fine.

Rlhorm100 Mon 20-Jul-15 22:28:51

Just googled inertia relationship and that sounds familiar. I just feel so silly bringing this up and I don't know how to begin. Things have been fine and happy as usual here but I know it won't be long 'til I have these feelings again. He brought up taking LO away for her first holiday later on in the year and I know we would have a lovely time.

Maybe we should have a serious discussion about the future and where we are now and take it from there. I'm so confused sad x

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