Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.


(53 Posts)
Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 21:09:39

The gas-lighting expressions and situations?

any experience?

countryandchickens Sun 19-Jul-15 21:17:32

How do you mean? smile

Do you mean 'what are your experiences' or 'what does the phrase mean'?

FrancesNiadova Sun 19-Jul-15 21:29:31

I used to work with someone who would say the nastiest things, 1 2 1, then totally deny them afterwards. I still don't know how she did it & TBH, I don't want to, because I would never behave like that.

jamaisdeux Sun 19-Jul-15 21:32:27

If you google it you will find out the meaning.

If you want people to tell you their experiences, then I imagine, you have to be a little bit more forthcoming.


Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 21:32:27


both of them if possible.

jamaisdeux Sun 19-Jul-15 21:34:14


No, I am not willing to tell you anything.

Maybe someone else is foolish enough to do so.

Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 21:36:59

if someone says let's date and you look for someone serious outside of that... and then when you offer dates he dumps you based on your offer...

and the my offer was with serious intention, i wasn't interested in looking for someone outside and made it clear...

"Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity."

countryandchickens Sun 19-Jul-15 21:38:41

I'm finding your posts a bit difficult to follow, OP (sorry) - I wouldn't necessarily call what you describe as gas lighting. More general being a cock? But I may have misunderstood.

Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 21:40:02


I'm just asking people's experience and want to find out where i stepped wrong...

i don't mind if you don't state your experience...

dont see anything wrong with sharing...

Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 21:43:10

Country, maybe you are right. I probably didnt state my question clearly...

Just what to find out more about this type of mental abuse so I will see a red flag in future in case I have it...

In any case, thank you

countryandchickens Sun 19-Jul-15 21:43:42

Gas lighting is (for example)

Person A has an expensive ring bought as a gift from B. B hides the ring then chastises A at length for losing it, and may or may not use it against A in the future as an example of her carelessness.


Small boy (6) is desperate to play on some equipment but it's private. His parents say he can. The owner of the equipment then shouts at the little boy for using his equipment. His parents chastise the little boy at length for playing on it and may or may not frequently bring it up in the future as an example of their DS's bad behaviour.


jamaisdeux Sun 19-Jul-15 21:43:48

Also am not following your posts.


Good Luck.

Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 21:48:12

yes country, thank you.

can I call it "mind games?"

and the example I brought up, can I accept it as "gas-lighting", or not?

Anon4Now2015 Sun 19-Jul-15 21:51:53

I have no idea what you are on about with your example. Sorry. I think if you want people to give advice you are actually going to have to explain what the situation is without being so vague.

Lacoba66 Sun 19-Jul-15 21:56:09

^ as above. No one can give you a 'total' definition, without some more info.

Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 21:59:39

I see smile

I had an offer for dates from someone I like...

But he offered me dates but nothing serious... I stated clearly that in case I'm going to invest myself it should be serious with future...
He explained it as he is not ready for anything serious. I stepped back and he found someone and is serious...

Just wanted to know "can I call this situation gas-lighting?"

that's all I'm asking...

countryandchickens Sun 19-Jul-15 22:01:03

I don't think so, but I think he sounds an idiot.

I hate saying this - it sounds dismissive - but it sounds like he just wasn't that into you, sorry flowers

Gaslighting is horrible, and it's good you're aware of it, so don't let anyone let you feel daft for asking.

brokenhearted55a Sun 19-Jul-15 22:02:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FarFromAnyRoad Sun 19-Jul-15 22:03:14

No. What you have experienced is not gaslighting. He made an offer, you gave your conditions, he rejected them and moved on. Not gaslighting at all. Not in any way.
I don't think he sounds like an idiot. You were under no illusions what he wanted. It wasn't what you wanted. That's the end of it - or should be. Why do you want a name tag to hang on it - and why do you want the wrong name tag to hang on it?

Garlick Sun 19-Jul-15 22:05:04

Yes, mind games is a good expression. Someone manipulates your feelings, usually by lying. Then when you are upset, they make out they never said that and/or you're mad or paranoid.

Is it that you were dating someone who led you to believe you were exclusive - now you find out they've been dating elsewhere?

May or not be gaslighting, but it's clearly not a good relationship for you. You probably didn't do anything to cause it.

Garlick Sun 19-Jul-15 22:05:46

Oh, sorry, cross-posted with you OP.

countryandchickens Sun 19-Jul-15 22:05:53


Is it not better that a woman is aware of abusers and checks his behaviour than just goes in blindly?

She might not want a name tag but just to bounce some ideas around.

There's so much stuff I know now that I didn't once. I think coming on here and saying 'you know, I'm not sure if this might be a red flag" is a good thing. Better someone makes a mistake than doesn't ask at all?

Inexperiencedchick Sun 19-Jul-15 22:07:30

thanks country, I seriously had no idea that gas-lighting is very bad.

Only heard about it here on MN and was surprised that there is an expression like that...

So end up analyzing my personal experiences and posted here in order to find out more about it...

Thanks again for insights, x

FarFromAnyRoad Sun 19-Jul-15 22:10:04

Yes of course country but the OP isn't in a relationship with this guy, hasn't been and never will be. It sounds to me like a fleeting potential relationship but not one where there was even time for gaslighting or anything else for that matter.

countryandchickens Sun 19-Jul-15 22:11:27

So she's analysing a past experience to see if there were red flags? smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now