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partener left me on holiday

(121 Posts)
lynnbaxter123 Sun 19-Jul-15 13:20:06

I'm currently on holiday in Bulgaria with my other half and the 2 kids, we were already arguing before we left the airport and now he's told me we're finished and we haven't seen him for 2 days. I don't know where he's sleeping he won't answer calls or text messages and the kids are heart broke. We've been looking forward to this for so long and now I don't know what to do. I can barely find my way around the hotel complex im useless with that sort of thing. I just want to go home but can't as i ve got another week here yet. Trying to keep the kids happy but I just want to cry. Anyone offer any advice

Tequilashotfor1 Sun 19-Jul-15 13:23:28

What an absolute arsehole!

Have you got money?

Try and pull yourself together and fake it till you make it. Try and get the kids to enjoy themselfs and tell them either he has gone home or he will be back shortly and not to worry.

I wouldn't forgive him for this. flowers

Wideopenspace Sun 19-Jul-15 13:25:01

Report him to the local police as a missing person.

Then, assuming you are not overly worried about him, get on and enjoy your holiday? Get a member of staff to give you a tour of the complex/a map.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 19-Jul-15 13:25:18

Just get through the week by focusing on making it enjoyable for the kids. Tell them he has had to go home for work or something.

Then when home pack his stuff and chuck him out and change the locks.

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Jul-15 13:27:04

OK get a grip.

This is your holiday. You're an adult. Find your way around, for goodness sake. Speak to other people, ask them questions if you're stuck.

Thank god he did go off and didn't stay to ruin your holiday. Think how horrible that would've been.

Who cares where he's gone to? Stop texting and emailing him. If he gets in touch, let him wait a couple of days (like he did to you) before you reply.

Have a great time with the children. Forget about this tosser.

TokenGinger Sun 19-Jul-15 13:28:11

What a twat. Can you get an early flight home?

TokenGinger Sun 19-Jul-15 13:30:03

imperial - what an awful post! "Get a grip", "for goodness sake", "you're an adult".

Most people would fall apart in their home environment if their partner left! Never mind in a foreign country.

mojo17 Sun 19-Jul-15 13:31:14

That is such a teat tush selfish thing to do to his family
So' fir the kids sake have your holiday
Do things go swimming kids club out for day trips
Take charge I know you're heartbroken but do it for the kids
Tell he'll join you later
If you feel you're up to it a
Tell the reps what's going on and to keep an eye out for him

WinnieFosterTether Sun 19-Jul-15 13:32:37

Stop calling him and texting him. You need to make your DCs and yourself the focus of the holiday not this man-child.

Lock yourself in the toilet and cry if you want to, then concentrate on making it fun for your DCs. Tell them he has been called away. It doesn't need to be traumatic for them. They will take their lead from you.

If you can afford it (and your sense of direction is completely rubbish) then sign up for an organised excursion. It will take the pressure off you a bit. Otherwise, you can just relax round the pool.

My STBXH used to storm off in a huff on our holidays (never for days on end admittedly). I'd leave him to it. Take DS somewhere fun and eventually STBXH would come back.

It's very abusive and attention-seeking behaviour. Don't let it spoil your DCs' holiday.

pictish Sun 19-Jul-15 13:33:03

What Imperial said in bucketloads.
Get with the programme and find your way about like the grown up you are. Your kids need you to take control here.

I agree that it is a good think he has disappeared...much better than all the arguing on holiday surely? He'll be fine. And so will you.

FellOffMyUnicorn Sun 19-Jul-15 13:34:46

he's a selfish tosser, here's a grip (in the nicest possible way), for you to take control and try and enjoy the rest of your holiday for you and the kids

APlaceOnTheCouch Sun 19-Jul-15 13:36:35

Oops, forgot to say, if your DCs are old enough then appoint one of them as official map-reader. My DS (from about the age of 4) could follow a map that had attractions marked on it and he loved being in charge of working out where we were going.

RobotHamster Sun 19-Jul-15 13:36:42

Wow, harsh posts.

BeautifulBatman Sun 19-Jul-15 13:39:09

Everything Tequila said. Carry on as normal. Don't bother contacting him anymore. Go home when you're supposed to whether you hear from him or not. Then get the black bin bags out when you get home and change the locks. What a fucker.

LovesYoungDream Sun 19-Jul-15 13:39:09

Can you put the dc in a the kids club at the resort for a few days so they will have fun and you can have some time to yourself to find your way around and process. Your partner is a selfish git, even if you were not getting on, he should have considered you and the children rather than ruining everyone's holiday and running off.

Thenapoleonofcrime Sun 19-Jul-15 13:39:50

How absolutely awful for you. I find if I've had even a bad row with my husband, I feel quite ill with it and upset, I can only imagine this in spades if you feel he has left you.

What this does show is that he's not a good person, to leave you alone with the children like that.

I would allow yourself a bit of a cry, perhaps get some reinforcements from family and friends by telling them, and then go about your holiday.

I wouldn't fly home as you will only feel shit there, and now you are there, the children may as well go on the beach and so on.

Dig deep, you can do this, he's an utter arse-hole and obviously thinks making your holiday as unpleasant as possible is a sensible way to proceed.

Be kind to yourself as well, you are on your own with the two children, eat nice fruit, drink bottled water, relax a bit if you can and stop contacting him.

Hope it goes ok.

Mrsrochesterscat Sun 19-Jul-15 13:40:40

Of course you are heartbroken, I am really sorry for you. But right now you need to focus on the DC.

Report him missing with local police (via hotel reception).

Ask to change rooms/key locks, tell the hotel he is not welcome back in with you.

If the DC are worried, you'll need to give them an age appropriate explanation.

Sit down with your DC, create a plan of activities for each day you have left. Pin it up on the wall.

He clearly has no thought for you or DC's welfare. I suspect he is trying to ruin your fun to make sure you know your place. Make this the best holiday you have ever had!

APlaceOnTheCouch Sun 19-Jul-15 13:41:24

The start of my post disappeared, it said, it's unlikely he thinks he's left for good. He's just doing his utmost to upset and ruin your holiday. Don't let him win. I also think if you stop texting and phoning him, he might crawl out of the woodwork. If he does, don't let him spoil your holiday.

If you're genuinely worried about him, tell him you are going to report him missing. Or/and text one of his friends and tell them that unless he confirms he is safe and well you are going to report him missing. tbh I think that would be a complete over-reaction as he sounds as though he's thrown his toys out of the pram and is deliberately ignoring you.

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Jul-15 13:42:50

I didn't mean to be harsh.

She's on holiday and she's an adult. Presumably she won't have another holiday for another year. If she falls to pieces now the holiday's ruined for her and for the children. They'll find the whole experience of their dad leaving far more traumatic.

Finding your way around a holiday complex is something she'll HAVE to do - she literally can't rely on him and the others are children.

She can turn this into a complete disaster (drawn curtains, crying all the time, nobody leaving the room) or she can think "Fuck him if he thinks he's going to ruin our holiday" and get on with it.

I am absolutely sympathetic to her in her situation - he sounds a real prick.

lynnbaxter123 Sun 19-Jul-15 13:45:38

Thanks I know I need to get a grip at least I know what he's really like now. As its all inclusive he was throwing back the booze like water, dont need that around the kids. I know I can get through the next week on my own im just totally gutted

Thenapoleonofcrime Sun 19-Jul-15 13:48:22

Lynn I think you can pull yourself together and do this, my only worry is that once you stop texting him and start enjoying yourself, he may well turn up like the bad penny that he is (and he'll be missing the free booze). I think you need to decide in your own mind to put an end to this stress in the children's lives at least for this holiday (is he their dad?) and then say you will discuss the relationship/end/splitting up when you return home. Don't let him back in the apartment, and I might ask the reps for help in occupying the children/support if you need it.

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Jul-15 13:49:15

There you go - the positives are there! Yes, think how horrible it would be if he was drinking for Britain and the kids got upset/ignored.

Of course you're gutted - anyone would be. You must have looked forward to that holiday for ages and he's tried to ruin it. Don't let him.

Hope you end up having a great time.

redgoat Sun 19-Jul-15 13:49:30

WEES. It is awful for you but you do need to fake it until you make it and try to make the best of your holiday. Just further show your kids what a wonderful mother they have.

What an utter, utter arse to do this, not only to you but even the children. What kind of man does this to his children in a foreign country?

Report him as a missing person and when he shows up, kick him out of your life. You and your kids deserve better.

Sweetsecret Sun 19-Jul-15 13:50:14

Bloody hell Lynn that's awful.
like everyone said, enjoy your holiday ( as much as you can)do it for your DC deal with all the crap when you get home.thanks

hesterton Sun 19-Jul-15 13:50:32

Sounds horrible - I do feel for you. Agree that you need to try and get something out of the holiday for your children and in the long run - well, now you can get on with your life journeys without this arse clogging up your routes.

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