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How can I say this to him?

8 replies

wishesandkisses · 19/07/2015 11:09

Since me and my partner had a baby he doesn't seem the guy I fell in love with. He's short tempered, speaks to me like a child and although he does everything for me, i'm inclined to cheat. I won't cheat. Just to make it clear. That will not happen. I don't even drink anymore because it makes me consider it.

My son is 18 months old and I thought he would be back to who he was from when I met him. But he's not. I'm only young and there's no passion there anymore. I don't want to leave him and break his heart but I think if I told him I'm getting urges to cheat he'd go mad. Yet if I tell him he's not acting like he once did, he shrugs it off.

I'm at a loss, and feel old before my time. We're like a 40 year old married couple and im craving excitement. What shall I do.

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moopymoodle · 19/07/2015 11:17

Firstly I think you both need a chat about how he treats you, maybe the stress of a baby has lead to bad habits for you both.

Secondly craving excitement is natural but life with a child can't always be that. It's stressful and cam be mundane, you can't look to a relationship long term to give your life sparkle. A relationship is about teamwork, relying on each other and of course good times too but family life is very different from the passionate begining of a new relationship. You have to appreciate your new riles, work as a team and make time weekly to nurture your relationship.

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moopymoodle · 19/07/2015 11:17

Roles*

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TokenGinger · 19/07/2015 11:23

Leave and be happy. You won't be the first or last to break his heart if he is the way he is. You're in charge of your own happiness - go and capture it.

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Garlick · 19/07/2015 13:31

This is odd. It makes me think your partner has one way of relating to women as sexual partners and girlfriends, then quite another to women as mothers. Now you're a mother, you don't qualify for the nice & fun treatment. You get patronised and told off instead. Its not a very healthy way of conducting relationships. Does he treat his own mother the way he now treats you? Has he any sisters with children; how about them?

Don't tell him you're thinking of cheating! I can't see how that's going to help a faltering relationship! I'm assuming you have discussed things, but it isn't clear how much you've been able to talk or if he just shuts you down every time.

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wishesandkisses · 19/07/2015 13:50

He doesn't have any sisters, just his mum and his brothers and dad so can see how it's changed. And it was just a shock tactic. If I try to tell him in conversation he snaps at me and doesn't take anything in.

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Garlick · 19/07/2015 14:09

So you're hoping it will change him? It won't. If he's not listening, you can't make him hear. Sorry :(

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Garlick · 19/07/2015 14:11

What have his mum & dad said about it? Would they talk to him? The other thing to try might be counselling - if he won't go, you've got your answer there.