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Lesbian affairs

(10 Posts)
JoanneInOxford Sat 18-Jul-15 12:18:17

I'm trying to work through how best to live my life. A couple of years ago I had a drunken encounter with a female friend - I'd never done anything like that before, but It developed into a brief affair which we stopped as we both have dh's and children. Since then I have become somewhat obsessed with what happened, and with exploring that newly discovered side of my sexuality. I've met a number of women during the day when I have freedom to do so - I don't want to hurt my husband, but have found so much excitement in these encounters. Should I stop - and risk becoming unfulfilled and frustrated, or continue in a low-key way secretly - or risk telling my dh everything?

Tequilashotfor1 Sat 18-Jul-15 12:21:21

You really need to tell your DH what your doing it's not fair.

Bloke or woman - your still cheating it doesn't matter what gender and the 'exporing' is just an excuse.

If you were happy with your Dh you wouldn't have done any of this. Own up to what you have done and want to do

Notasinglefuckwasgiven Sat 18-Jul-15 12:24:35

I'm bisexual and when am with a man or woman, don't cheat with the opposite sex to them because gender is irrelevant. It's still an affair. Just my view of it. It's a relationship regardless of the sex of the person.

LikeIcan Sat 18-Jul-15 12:27:38

You're obviously deeply unhappy with your marriage so stopping the affairs will solve nothing ( you'll still be unhappy, bored, etc ) so you either discreetly carry on or you confess all to your dh - you never know, he might be prepared to turn a blind eye as it's other women you're seeing?
You sound too addicted to stop - which is of course the best thing to do.
Best of luck.

NerrSnerr Sat 18-Jul-15 12:28:14

If you don't want to hurt your husband (and your children) then stop fucking people behind his back. It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, you are cheating on him and that's not fair.

PushPineappleShakeTheTree Sat 18-Jul-15 12:28:36

Would you consider it harmless if your DH was sleeping with men behind your back?

Finola1step Sat 18-Jul-15 12:35:18

You have 2 choices: Stop cheating or tell your DH.

It may not seem as simple as that but in reality, this is your choice. Or this is a third choice. Carry on. Cheat with a range of women. Risk you sexual health as well as your marriage. You will eventually make a mistake and get caught. Someone will find out.

Are you the primary carer for your dc? Would you likely have to go down a shared residency route if he finds out and divorces you? What is your financial position? Could you afford to run two homes between you? I'm sorry to bombard you with lots of questions but this is what you are risking.

nequidnimis Sat 18-Jul-15 14:17:09

All cheaters think they have a unique and super special reason for doing so, it's depressing.

Do you really think your DH hasn't noticed that something isn't quite right? I doubt it.

The decent thing would be to tell him and do him the courtesy of letting him decide whether he wants to be in an open relationship or not. Of course you need to be prepared for the fact that he could leave, and tell everyone why.

Or if you're certain that you want out of the marriage you could do that thing that the unfaithful partner always does - the 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' talk followed by a swift exit from a confused, distraught partner.

Hoppinggreen Sat 18-Jul-15 14:43:35

Male, female, what ever - you are cheating and it's wrong

sykadelic Sun 19-Jul-15 21:58:16

Your OP pretty much tells us how you're feeling, you call it a risk to tell your DH, you call it a risk to stop "and be unfulfilled", but you don't consider it a risk to continue. You want your cake and to eat it too, and that's totally unfair to your DH.

Gender isn't relevant. You have betrayed your husband and you continue to do so.

Your options are stop forever, tell him, or leave. Anything else would be completely unfair.

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