Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
anyone else any experience of picky eating?(104 Posts)
First, thanks for reading ! Background is I have been in a new relationship for around 8 months now (I'm in mid 40s, so is he - both long divorced) and I thought everything was rosy - then I cooked dinner.... It would appear the BF has kept his various food 'hates' well hidden up to now. He has offered to cook quite often -bit boring TBH, but put that down to lack of experience - but made a nice change after all this time. Then I offered to cook for a change... oh boy. One salmon fillet, new potatoes (cold, it was a salad) and salad stuff later I am very confused by his reaction. Turns out these are inedible in his book. All of it. And that's not all. When I told him he needed to come clean with me the list of 'non-foods' was immense. Basically if its not chicken (or pork), mash, carrots and beans - no fancy sauces - then its not going to get eaten !!! OMG. I have always made it clear I love to travel and part of that is trying new foods (I'll give most things a go); but now I understand why he has never travelled and why he suggested Italy for a first trip (turns out he could manage pizza as long as its something simple). He seems very unkeen to seek some professional help for this and I am really not sure if this is a deal breaker or not. Food is such a pleasure for me, and both my kids have grown up eating just about anything. Has anyone any experience of something similar ?
Hand on heart it would be a dealbreaker for me.
It wouldn't matter if he was my "soulmate". I just couldn't be in a relationship with someone like that.
Food and travel are two of the most important things in my life. And sharing the experiences with DP is half the pleasure.
I would also be embarrassed to be with someone who only ate 6 foods.
See it as incompatibility and move on!
God I couldn't be arsed with that at our age! I couldn't be bothered with any major personality quirks, but maybe men don't come without a few quirks by their 40s?!
Is there anything else odd/annoying about him?
Does he realise how unusual it is to eat such a limited selection of foods?
Is it a phobia of sorts?
It would certainly impact on your life. Travel is problematic and I imagine any restaurant is out of the question.
If you ended up living together would you each made by he own meals? Food is important in relationships and shared experiences and every special occasion is marked by food in some way.
It's all going to be a bit awkward.
Euphemism asks a good question my friend has a partner with heaps of foods he won't touch. It's really boring and tedious. He also won't even try things and looks scared if offered a 'no go' food. He also has a lot of other 'little ways' that frankly would have had me run for the hills. Nothing nasty just lots of rituals, inflexible thinking and difficulty with new things.
Dullsville but she makes it work. Sort of.
I was with someone for 7 years who would only eat pizza, bacon, cheese and toast and drink red bull.
It drove me crazy and was one of the reasons we split, if I had another romantic dinner out in Pizza Hut he would be wearing the bloody pizza by the end of the night!
Deal breaker for me, food is my thing, cooking and eating it, and whilst I will happily eat McDonald's or fishfingers, I like exotic too.
I don't see a problem really, force him to eat what you like, if he gets sick or a bit upset, well he deserves it, the bastard.
Wonder why he kept it quiet.
Dealbreaker for me. And it's not just bad for your own relationship, it can affect your social life with friends and family too.
I had a friend years ago whose boyfriend would only eat about 6 things. A group of us had been invited to a wedding and arranged to make it into a long weekend away. He was an utter PITA, every meal time was a drama. It was exhausting being around him, even just for a few days.
It would be a deal breaker for me too. I could try v hard at first to be understanding, but like you I enjoy food and cooking and eating out. I think I would become impatient and v irritable over it. Long term it would annoy me too much because eating is part of every day and also very tied into social times for me.
I had a bf who had a salted cheese sandwich (white bread) for lunch every day of the week. Despite this he was a very adventurous lover which is why I spent two years longer with him - than praps I should have.
My DH and I bonded over our love of food. That's not to say he doesn't have his little quirks and things he would prefer but basically we both will just about try anything (except really odd food like insects or eyeballs )
It would be a dealbreaker for me for the same reasons as you - travel and trying new things. He sounds very unadventurous.
You've been with him, presumably harmoniously, for 8 months. Have things gone ok so far? If so, then surely it's not as big of a problem as you'd think?
He appears happy to cook his own food if you're only just cooking for him now. It's not like he's expecting you to eat the same food as him.
Suggesting he get professional help probably isn't helpful. I have some food issues, though not nearly as limited as your DP. My biggest is spice; I cannot tolerate it, much to my DP's dismay. It drives me fucking crazy when he picks on me for it. When we order and I ask for chicken mild, he calls me boring etc. I can't see why what I put in my body affects anybody else.
I understand on the travelling part if food would be restricted on holidays and it'd have a detrimental impact on your experience. But other than that, I can't see why so many people think it's a deal breaker. That's just something he has to deal with. When I went to Tunisia recently, we were all inclusive. There was plenty of chicken and whatnot! If I struggled, I'd eat soup or bread and butter. Certainly didn't impact on my family's enjoyment of the food.
Assuming there aren't serious allergy, intolerance or sensory issues?
This kind of behaviour always depresses me in an adult who doesn't have any of the above. It's as if they hit the fussy patch with food most toddlers have and then just never grown out of it.
Dh is less adventurous with food than I am, but rather than act like a spoilt toddler when presented with something new he will give it a go. He will be honest if he doesn't like it, but that's different.
Your dp sounds like my four year old who will only eat chips or green food without fuss. I am not going to let him turn into an adult with the same issue!
I must admit, despite me being fussy, if presented with something new, I will always give it a try!
Did he just eat the food for 8 months? What's changed? 8 months! Surely if its such a huge problem in his mind he wouldn't have been able to keep up the pretence for that long??
If he's eaten it for 8 months, surely he can eat it forever now?
No way would I be with someone like that.
My DH had quite a long list of foods he "didn't like".
Unfortunately in the beginning of our relationship he was too polite to say anything and was I was trying my best to cook lots of different stuff. Over time he grew to like a wider variety of foods and it turns out part of the problem was that his parents can't cook and he was forced to eat disgusting food as a child.
The point is that my DH was willing to try, the person you are with isn't so I can't see a way forward.
Wow I don't know if I could live with it if its going to affect other areas of your life like travel, he does know they serve pizza in other parts of the world...
My ex was incredibly fussy, although not that bad, I just stopped cooking anything for him I hated the waste of food and told him to make his own dinner.
It's going to severely restrict your social activities and that can only lead to resentment.
I think you are wasting your time with this person.
I wouldn't have the time or the energy to think about someone else's intricate needs..unless it was my child, which he is not.
Move on, next!
My new partner won't really touch many vegetables. So eats meat, pasta, potatoes and rice mainly. But if it's in food he'll just eat it.
I think the difference is someone just ordering what they like, or just eating around what they don't without fuss, and not pushing their plate off the table like a huffy toddler.
That would annoy the hell out of me.
Fish can be tricky for a lot of people though?
Randomly he loves octopus.
I had a year long relationship with a very fussy eater. It was a complete pita.
He claimed he had an 'allergy' to cheese but he just didn't like it. So that ruled out pizza and italian restaurants and a lot of ordinary things on a menu in any restaurant.
He also didn't drink tea or coffee and if I ever dragged him to a coffee shop he would complain about the smell so much it would put me off.
I can honestly say in a whole year I never cooked him a single thing. (Yay!)
But yes op it would probably be a deal breaker for me as it does restrict what you do. Unless he is very easy going and goes with the flow in any situation.
My auntie's partner is like this. I sent her this article that I came across.
picky eating vs selective eating disorder
My DP is a very picky eater. It doesn't majorly impact on us. We check menus before we go out. We laugh about the 'default burger' you can get in99% of restaurants. We travel and again if a menu has something for him we eat there (all
Inclusive wasted on us as he hates buffet food) I make meals but adjust them to suit us both and he has tried some more things.
It's a dealbreaker for me.
I went on a few dates with someone and he was quite candid about his diet - steak and chips. Nothing else. I didn't see him again.
Join the discussion
Please login first.