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Possible inappropriate crush

(9 Posts)
SillyBilly18 Thu 16-Jul-15 20:36:59

Have name changed for this as this may out me in rl

Apologies if this is long, I'm just not sure what to do or how to move forward.

I recently went back to work after Maternity leave following the birth of my beautiful DS. I have been with my DP (his dad) for about 3 years, DP is controlling, cruel, selfish & aggressive. In the last year we have lost our home due to his spending habits & I have brought my DS up by myself since his birth (he is now 2) with virtually no help from DP. He has a very expensive hobby & spends all his free time doing that.

I have been very unhappy for a long time, I've told DP this & asked him to leave but he refused & tries to make me feel guilty.

Since returning to work it really is like a light has switched on, when I'm there I'm not ignored or called vile names & I actually feel like a normal human being. There is a guy at work who I've known for a while, he is clever, funny & hard working & recently he is all I can think about.

I feel so guilty for feeling this way but I can't go on as things are. My partner is now in the process of moving his things out (although he is making it very difficult & is being very cruel, has emptied my bank account etc). This colleague has a partner & I'm not cruel enough to make a move on him, but I don't know what, if anything I should do about it? I wouldn't have a clue if he feels the same, my confidence is shot & I've put on quite a bit of weight recently so I doubt it!

Sorry for the long post, I'm just a bit confused & hoping someone might have a magic answer to help me make sense of everything!

Thisismyfirsttime Thu 16-Jul-15 20:51:08

Take it as a good sign- that you are ready to move on and can have feelings for another man. This is good and you will be able to start dating quite soon (if you want to) but DO NOT..DO NOT act on this crush. He has a partner and you are likely to be rejected which will affect your confidence and may take you back several steps in the moving on process. And he has a partner- you cannot act on your crush.

Wrapdress Thu 16-Jul-15 21:04:49

The man at work is a catalyst for change. That's it and that's a good thing, but just because you have a crush on someone, doesn't mean you have to act on it. The sole purpose of this man being in your life could be just to motivate you to move on from a crappy man. It doesn't need to be anything more.

SillyBilly18 Thu 16-Jul-15 21:08:38

Thank you for your replies. I definitely have no intention of acting on it, I don't have the confidence to & I could never do that to someone after being cheated on myself. I just feel so guilty and stupid for feeling this way

Thisismyfirsttime Thu 16-Jul-15 21:35:08

Well that was the first part of my post! You won't act on it but these are good feelings to have, you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed! Obviously it isn't pleasant to have these feelings toward someone you can't have but there are plenty you can, it just proves you are doing the right thing in splitting from your ex!

pocketsaviour Thu 16-Jul-15 21:39:24

Having a work crush is fine - as long as you don't do anything about it (if that person has a partner.)

I agree with PP, this is a good sign that your heart has not been extinguished by the cruel treatment from your STBXP. Don't feel guilty, just enjoy the eye candy ;) There have been plenty of times the only reason I've dragged myself to work is the possibility of bumping into my crush in the tea room... or make an excuse to use the photocopier so you can wave at him... grin

Do you have support in RL from someone regarding your P moving out? I am worried from what you said about your bank account that you seem quite vulnerable.

SillyBilly18 Thu 16-Jul-15 22:24:13

Thank you Pocket. I do have support from parents & friends so I'm not alone, luckily I had savings hidden from him that he hasn't been able to access so I'm not completely broke & my solicitor is looking at recovering the money he accessed without my permission. I feel stronger than I have in a long time, I've realised I don't have to put up with abusive behaviour & being around this colleague has made me realise I don't need to settle for poor treatment. I just wish he wasn't so nice!

pocketsaviour Thu 16-Jul-15 22:49:56

Good for you on realising you are worth better treatment smile

I once had a crush on a work colleague. I never did anything about it as he had a partner, although a couple of close colleagues knew and we used to have a giggle about it. We eventually ended up working in the same dept and then he left. However we developed a friendship after he left, and now he and his wife are two of my closest friends. And the crush just totally disappeared. I'm so thankful I never tried anything on, or I would have missed out on a great friendship.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 17-Jul-15 00:25:07

If he's accessed your money without your permission, he's committed a criminal offence and if he doesn't repay whatever sum(s) he's taken please don't hesitate to report him to the police.

When do you anticipate that he'll have finished moving his things out and have you got changing the locks scheduled for the day he finally departs?

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