Major decisions like this should be made as a couple. He is being an arse by presenting this as a fait accompli, not allowing you any say in how it pans out and preventing you from even being able to visit.
I'm sorry to say it, but it sounds like he is opting out of your marriage.
My XH worked away (not abroad as such, but a long drive + short flight away) and he came home every few weeks then we all went out to visit him in the school holidays.
I appreciate that your H is working to earn money for you all and doesn't want to fritter it away on something as unnecessary as seeing his own wife and DCs, but he is being supremely selfish expecting you to accept all this without having any say in it.
Eek sorry to hear this it sounds like the shutting down his end of the relationship. Do you know where he lives? Hot head like me would turn up at his flat to talk this out 'heart to heart' (read suss it out for myself and snoop!!)
I would also be suspicious of who he was living with, but to be honest it wouldn't matter. For me the relationship would have been over the moment he TOLD me what our living arrangements were going to be and refused to discuss them like two equal partners.
I don't know whether he wants out or not, but he certainly doesn't want what you want and he isn't even prepared to discuss what you want, let alone compromise. Personally I think that's a deal-breaker.