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I cannot believe what has just happened.

(220 Posts)
Sweetsecret Wed 15-Jul-15 17:59:06

I just had a visit from my mum and step father.
My 2 year old DS, was playing with his trains and my stepdad sat down to play with him, and my DS didnt want him to and he threw some of trains off the track. my step dad then grabbed my DS picked him up and started shouting at him took him out of the house started walking down the street shouting at him telling him he was a naughty boy.
I went to the front door and told him to bring him back and he refused. so I walked down the street to get him.
I went back into the house and my sd started shouting at me telling me I wasn't doing a decent job at raising him, that I didn't know what I was doing. I said I was doing the best that I could (my H left me a few months ago, so it has been an incredibly difficult time for me and both my DC'S. he said I wasn't trying hard enough.
I then told them to leave and they both left.
I called my mum 20 mins later as we are supposed to be all going on holiday on Monday and she blamed me. She aways takes his side on everything anyway.
I am absolutely stunned that this has happened, in front of both of my children.
I don't know what to do I just feel like I have no one now, everyone has just abandoned me.
I just saw red when I saw someone walking off with my son yelling at him.
I don't know what to do. I feel like I have been hanging on by a thread for the last few months as it is, and now the only two people I had have not only called me a bad mother but have yelled at my two year old son in front of his sister who is 5. And it is somehow my fault.

Sweetsecret Wed 15-Jul-15 18:00:59

please someone, I really need talking down from this. Thankgod for auto correct on my phone otherwise I wouldn't be able to type.

ADesperateMummy Wed 15-Jul-15 18:01:24

I honestly don't no what to say but this is not your fault! You did the right thing not letting him treat your son like that.

Stay strong thanks

ADesperateMummy Wed 15-Jul-15 18:01:58

You protected your son be proud that you stood up for him

UncertainSmile Wed 15-Jul-15 18:03:32

Jesus. What a dickish thing for your step dad to do. Has he got previous?

Handywoman Wed 15-Jul-15 18:03:38

That's horrific and unforgivable of them both, and awful timing.

I'm so sorry this has happened.

Can you call on a friend to be with you? You must be very shaken.


tattychicken Wed 15-Jul-15 18:04:51

He sounds horrendous. Cancel the holiday, avoid seeing him. Im sorry you're feeling on your own at the moment, but better on your own than dealing with the fall out from that abusive knobhead.

InNeedOfABreak Wed 15-Jul-15 18:05:09

Woah! I'm sure other people will be along soon with better advice but I just wanted to say your step father was so far being out of order it's not even in sight! Does he have form for being a bully? I wouldn't want anything to do with him after that nor my mother if she stood by and supported him being a bully. I know you feel alone (I've been a single parent and I know how lonely it is) but I would advocate for healthy relationships or being without all the way. flowers to you and hugs for your children

joopy79 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:06:10

That doesn't sound right to me. He shouldn't be discipline your son and it doesn't sound as if your son did anything wrong.
They should not call you a bad mother ever.
It sounds like a huge over-reaction from your step dad, is there a back story? Is he usually like this?

chairmeoh Wed 15-Jul-15 18:09:06

You must feel rock bottom.

So the only way is up from here.

You handled it brilliantly, which shows your strength and how good a mum you are. Your DC will grow up respecting you and feeling protected by you.

I am sorry you feel so alone now. I don't know what to say about the holiday and how you rebuild your relationship with your DM. But believe in your capabilities, your DC have the best mum.

Penfold007 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:10:16

How horrible for you and your children. Have you got a DH or someone else in RL who can support you? Cancel the holiday.

Lovemylittlebear Wed 15-Jul-15 18:10:30

Gosh don't go on holiday with that NUTTER! Have a nice week doing something with children instead and be clear that he was out of order man handling your child. Not acceptable - I actually would have floored anyone that handled my two year old like that so you did well to stay calm. Make time to see your friends this week as being around friends always makes things feel a bit better xxxx

goddessofsmallthings Wed 15-Jul-15 18:11:28

Your sd threw his toys out of the pram because your 2 year old wanted to play on his own??!!

What a knob and what a despicable way to behave to your toddler and his dsis. Other than scare the child to death, what was he expecting to achieve have in taking your ds out of the house?

Cancel your holiday plans and be thankful that you've avoided this situation occuring when you were far from home and unable to escape the company of him and your equally toxic dm.

Frankly, I rather be abandoned by a pair like this than have to own up to knowing them.

notquitegrownup2 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:11:35

Wow - your family should be there to support you, not to make life more difficult for you.

I am so sorry that you had to go through this OP - you did totally the right thing standing up for your son, and for your right to be a parent in whatever way you choose. You may not be perfect as a parent - no-one is - but that was not the way to go about supporting you, in any way at all.

It will be very difficult to go on holiday, unless your mum and step dad are prepared to clear the air first. It will be very stressful for you thinking that your step dad is judging you and your parenting and not being able to get away easily.

If you talk to them again, and want to try to mend bridges, then stess that you value their support, but undermining you in this way is not going to help anyone. Is FIL finding the prospect of going away with small children stressful, perhaps, so trying to start off by being firm? If so, this holiday will not be a good idea at all. You can make it clear that you are the parent of your children, and that you need to feel that you are in charge - after all you will have to do most of the parenting, so although you would love their support and help, it won't be at any cost. Perhaps skipping the holiday, or going for just part of the time, is a start to showing that you mean that?

Best of luck.

Sweetsecret Wed 15-Jul-15 18:12:20

Anyone who meets him say he is the nicest guy ever, I have seen his true colours a few times in the past. he is normally fantastic with the children and they love him. But like everyone has said I couldn't stand by and let him yell at my two year old like that.
I am so shocked and shaken.
my ex is coming over as I didn't know who else to call, he is fuming.
I just couldn't believe what he said to me about me as a mother my kids are such lovely children. he just said if you don't sort him out now when he goes to school, behaving like this then he won't get on well at all! he's two!!! As far as I am concerned his dad has just left him and if he wants to act out at times then so be it! I would never yell at him, my poor boy was just screaming for me and I couldn't get to him quick enough. I actually physically pushed my SD out of my house, I can't stop crying.

notquitegrownup2 Wed 15-Jul-15 18:12:22

Penfold, the OP said in her first post that her H left them a few months ago!!

Charlesroi Wed 15-Jul-15 18:12:51

Well, your stepdad and your son behaved like a couple of two years olds ... hang on ... only one of them actually is.
I'd just ignore sd and mother for a couple of days and then tell them the holiday is off. Don't get into arguments, just tell them you don't want to go.

Hidingmyidentity Wed 15-Jul-15 18:13:28

Your SF is a bully & you absolutely did the right thing in standing up to him. He sees you as a lone parent & thinks it gives him some kind of authority over your DS, well it doesn't. Tell him next time he puts his hands on either of your children you will be calling the police.

Cancel the holiday.

Yarp Wed 15-Jul-15 18:15:54

Your Stepfather behaved in an outrageous way, and I am so sorry that your mother is so unsupportive. Please do not doubt yourself. What horrible, horrible behaviour for them to speak to this way - in effect kicking you when you are down.

TurnipCake Wed 15-Jul-15 18:18:45

You are a great mum because you protected your son.

Does your stepfather have form for being an odious prick?

Def cancel the holiday and put some space between you.

Sweetsecret Wed 15-Jul-15 18:18:49

Hiding you have hit the nail on the head, he is a control freak and since my H left he loves the fact I don't have anyone, and need them.

Yarp Wed 15-Jul-15 18:19:03

I agree with Hiding

Your stepfather sounds like a bully.

TendonQueen Wed 15-Jul-15 18:19:39

Yes, is he usually an over-reacting dick? That's fairly standard two year old behaviour.

Yarp Wed 15-Jul-15 18:20:02

How long have your mum and stepdad be together?

Sweetsecret Wed 15-Jul-15 18:22:26

Thankyou so much everyone I feel more calm now, I just can't believe that happened.
My DD looked terrified as did my DS. my mum has been trying to call me. I haven't answered.
I don't want to know anymore if she stands by him after this then she isn't a decent mother herself. Toxic doesn't even cover it.
I just can't believe he wouldn't give him back to me I had to physically remove him from his arms.

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