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Just gone NC with ex H ... fuck it feels good!!

(15 Posts)
Floundering Wed 15-Jul-15 14:38:44

Straw that broke the camels back today, he has stopped paying maintenance to me, the allowance he said he'd pay to DS instead AND the allowance he has been giving DD as he is sure I'm

" bleeding their accounts dry"

I have been gradually disengaging since we split 7 years ago-thanks to MN!! The kids are now 18 & 20 but youngest is still in FTE so should be getting financial support until next summer. I have had minimal contact of late due to the following just to keep him informed as he is their Dad.

DD is home from Uni with crashing depression, he is being controlling & insensitive towards her.

DS is a transitioning F>M and has had a rocky relationship with him as Ex was angry and abusive to him when DS started having specialist treatment & is virtually NC.

I am the one who has had to pick up the emotional pieces when the kids are (yet again) upset by him & come running to me. He has done nothing but send me EA emails & belittling texts which I mostly ignore.

This last bit of fuckwittery has left us in severe financial straits as it unfortunately coincides with me losing a few jobs I had lined up. I did think about chasing him for it but TBH we'll manage I'd rather not have the strain on my MH, and it is quite liberating to feel I do not have to ever speak to him again if I don't wish to. I sent him a short email

"I will not be contacting you again about either of them, other than if either are seriously ill. You have made your lack of respect and contempt for me as their mother quite clear to all 3 of us so I refuse to engage any more, if you want to see your children it is up to you to arrange it.
<we live in the sticks >

I will not be taxiing them to or from you any more or trying to mediate as I have done for years to try and keep their relationship with you going as I felt I should.

Good luck with everything in the future, despite your attitude to me I still wish you well, and want nothing more than to see you happy and in a good relationship with your children, but that is now up to you."

......and breathe.......

Just thought I'd share as I have no one else in RL I can tell really!! grin

FenellaFellorick Wed 15-Jul-15 14:40:55

good for you!

Do you think he'll take a moment to look at himself or will he chuck out his dummy?

hesterton Wed 15-Jul-15 14:45:20

Now stick to it! Not another minute wasted on him ok? flowers

AndTheBandPlayedOn Wed 15-Jul-15 14:49:00

Good for you!
I hope your dd feels better soon. flowers

Your ex will probably have to look up the word "contempt" but that might be expecting too much from someone as dismissive as he sounds.

Penfold007 Wed 15-Jul-15 15:28:50

Well done brew and cake time.

wallypops Wed 15-Jul-15 15:36:58

Bloody marvellous. Well done you. The higher moral ground is a bit of a minefield isn't it. I find myself at least temporarily in the same position, but it's my kids who have told him to take a flying fuck. It is very liberating.

StrangeGlue Wed 15-Jul-15 15:43:43


runs around high fiving you and your kids

Floundering Wed 15-Jul-15 16:47:24

Fenella his dummy gets spat out regularly, he has A Mother who says "Oh poor dear" & fuels his ire, the evil witch is I suspect behind his estrangement with DS as she advised Ex to stop the monies to "sharpen her up & stop this ridiculous malarkey"

< she forgets her cleaner (who is like a third granny to my kids) does a very good job of pretending to not be there & absorbing all sorts!!>

Hesterton I will pinkie promise!!

He will probably know the word contempt but put my "unhinged bleatings" a favourite phrase- down as hysteria as ever.

Penfold Ta for the cake & cuppa, as I am out babysitting I will enjoy those & save the G&T till later!! grin

wallypops Yes liberating is the word, I have told my DC its up to them now & they understand. It is a great weight off me as (like many of us here) I initially felt great responsibility for them maintaining their close relationship with their Dad & facilitated it at the expense of my own mental health at times. No more.

High fives to strange ...looks embarrased.... grin

goddessofsmallthings Wed 15-Jul-15 18:21:29

wine Here's to you and your dc - 3 adults together who no longer have a middle-aged child blighting their lives smile

Floundering Wed 15-Jul-15 18:26:26

Thanks goddess, that's a nice way of looking at it & will def get that glass of something when I get in!!

BlackeyedSusan Wed 15-Jul-15 19:59:48

ahh only about nine more years then...

well done.

Floundering Wed 15-Jul-15 22:46:03

Start practising now , black, it is the little victories that get you through. grin

Floundering Sat 18-Jul-15 07:56:00

Interesting.....he sent me an email about DD last night, I was almost tempted to write back

"which bit of no contact don't you get?!" ...then I realised he was testing my resolve grin

Nice try sunshine!!!

PushPineappleShakeTheTree Sat 18-Jul-15 08:12:41

Well done for not getting suckered into his nonsense. At your DC's ages he should be building an adult relationship with them independently of you, if they don't respond to him then it's his own fault for being an abusive fuckwit. Some people really have no concept that actions = consequences do they?

I hope your DD gets better soon flowers

Floundering Sat 18-Jul-15 12:09:13

Thanks Push funny how they all follow a script don't they?

( love your NN I get the urge to sing that silly song every time I see it!)

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