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Practical suggestions to get XP out of my head space

(5 Posts)
ForNowIsTheTime Tue 14-Jul-15 23:03:48

XP dumped me rather unkindly 2 years ago. We'd been together for 8 years but the relationship was going nowhere and i should have ended it ages before, but we both let it carry on.

Anyway since then my life has got better and better. I now have a brilliant social life, new friends, I'm fit and happy and life is good.

The only downside is that XP pops into my head regularly throughout each and every day. He's now very happily coupled up with someone else and I think about them a lot. I'm pretty sure she will be living a duplication of the life I had with him in the early days. All love and hearts etc.

I didn't want him when I had him and I don't want him now, so I'm irritated that he and his new lady keep occupying my headspace. I don't stalk them or do Facebook or talk to people who know them etc. I've deleted him from my life but he still pops into my head.

Tell me some practical ways to stop this happening. What can i do when he pops into my mind. Are there ways to programme my brain to stop it happening? begining to sound a bit mad now

ForNowIsTheTime Wed 15-Jul-15 00:17:30


beaglesaresweet Wed 15-Jul-15 00:41:13

it would help to have a new romantic interest of your own, or even just to try dating. Sounds like after being in a long relationship you still feel like this side is lacking while he has coupled up so it's almost a competition.

I'm sure others could advise on some tricks re how to replace thoughts of him with something more pleasant. I just think you haven't let go of your desire to be in a relatioship and so far there is no one to replace him in your head - I've been there! but if you ar not ready or wanting to date, of course don't do it, just saying it's the most direct way imo.

Anniegetyourgun Wed 15-Jul-15 12:33:11

What things remind you of him? I get certain songs, conversations or scenarios popping in when I do certain routine things, eg washing up forks always reminds me of a silly thing a friend said about her boyfriend whilst putting knives into the rack reminds me of an online game I play confused It's habit. If that's what's happening you may need to train your mind to associate something different with those actions - a song, a movie scene, basically something that isn't them. Do you live in the same place you did with him, or is some of the furniture the same etc - if so can you arrange things differently?

ForNowIsTheTime Wed 15-Jul-15 17:05:09

Thanks for your replies beagle and Annie

I think a new relationship would help things dramatically but I've not met anyone i'm attracted to despite a fair bit of OD. My standards are much higher these days and I value myself far highter which is great, but it also means i won't just settle for anyone.

I agree that it is a habit and certain things that happen in day to day life trigger thoughts which is annoying. I do live in the place i shared with him and won't be moving and have changed things around. And stargely enough the cutlerly does prompt thoughts - he wanted the cutlery drawer arranged in certain way tosser

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