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Dp constantly commenting on my mood.

(12 Posts)
snozzlemaid Tue 14-Jul-15 21:49:34

Does anyone else's dp comment on their mood all of the time?
If I'm not laughing and joking he'll always make a comment and say things such as 'where's your happy face? Why are you in a bad mood'.
I asked him a few days ago to stop doing this as I don't need a constant discussion on my mood and he's just done it again. I was in the kitchen tidying up after a long day at work (so am hardly going to be smiling much) and he says that I look grumpy. I told him I was fine and reminded I'd asked him to stop doing this and he kept on saying 'but you look miserable!'
Now I am in a bad mood - if he left me alone and didn't say anything I'd be fine.
Drives me bloody mad.

BitchPeas Tue 14-Jul-15 21:51:49

I don't have any advice but my DP does the same, it is so intensely irritating.

What is also annoying is that he can be a moody caahhhh but I'm never allowed to mention it.

snozzlemaid Tue 14-Jul-15 21:58:31

I don't feel the need to discuss it if my dp comes home in a bad mood, for example. I know it's best to just let him be and he'll be ok after a bit.
So I want him to do the same for me.

TokenGinger Tue 14-Jul-15 22:44:12

This'd drive me bonkers!

Yesterday, my partner got to mine an hour and a half later than he'd said he would. I'd had dinner ready and waiting. However, I know he isn't the type to take the piss so probably got hung up at work or had a phone call with his mum or whatever.

A few hours after arriving at mine, he asked if I was in a mood when he'd first arrived. I'd said yes and told him it was because he'd not even had the decency to tell me to put a hold on dinner as he'd be late.

For me, this is a much better way of dealing with conflict. Instead of him calling me out on it at the time, he left it for a few hours when we were both happy and calm and it was a discussion as opposed to conflict.

Maybe you could ask your DP to delay mentioning it if he really has such a burning desire to mention it at all?

Melonfool Tue 14-Jul-15 22:45:59

Yup, no idea why he does it and I've asked him not to because I find it judgemental.

He'll say "what's the master with you, you seem really stressed/uptight all of a sudden, you were fine earlier...", etc.

To which my response is usually " oh, fuck off" which makes him worse.

I don't know why he feels the need to do it. I've explained it serves no purpose; if I am stressed then him pointing it out isn't helpful, and if I'm not then him suggesting it is just annoying. So either way it's pointless.

Melonfool Tue 14-Jul-15 22:48:14

I should add, I have managed to get him to stop asking if I am on my period. I told him the next time he asked me that I would punch him.

Lacoba66 Tue 14-Jul-15 22:48:17

I would say he's projecting... No one is happy all of the time! Is he ober sensitive? You can go down the route of reassuring him, but after that it is his problem.

HappenstanceMarmite Tue 14-Jul-15 22:49:33

Could he be asking to make sure he's not in trouble in case talking would help?

Atenco Wed 15-Jul-15 03:21:42

It sounds like a bad habit he has got into, says she who is a great one of bad habits. The only solution that works with me is when I am called out on it every single time and it takes me months to learn.

WestEast Wed 15-Jul-15 03:25:24

DP does this sometimes and it drives me round the bloody bend. He asked me 6 times in 3 pages of my book if I was alright as I was quiet! Well of course I am, I'm attempting to read my sodding book!
We've had talks on it, he's not the most intune with emotions type of person and he sometimes doesn't pick up on how I'm feeling or thinks I'll be saying I'm fine when I'm not so will repeatedly ask.
So now we have an understanding that if I say I'm fine then that is the final answer unless I make comment otherwise.

trackrBird Wed 15-Jul-15 03:55:15

You aren't his entertainment centre OP. You're an adult with your own private thoughts and feelings, which are going to vary (shock).

In expecting you to be cheerful all the time, he is being a bit controlling. Make it clear that your moods aren't his problem to fix, and remind him that you've asked him not to comment so much.

snozzlemaid Wed 15-Jul-15 05:26:22

Thanks for all replies. Nice to know I'm not the only one.
My moods do affect dp - if I'm in a bad mood/stressed he will end up in a shitty mood because I am. That drives me mad too.
Like I said before, if I notice he's a bit grumpy I'll just leave him to it and carry on as I was before. Whereas my bad mood will always bring him down too. I'm sure I would get over it quicker if he left me to it as both of us being grumpy will end in rows.
I'm only talking about day to day moods here btw. If there was a big problem bringing me down I understand the need to discuss that and would happily talk then.

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