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Do they stay when they stray .....

(9 Posts)
Justagirl1 Tue 14-Jul-15 19:32:49

Okay after witnessing this unfold over the last few months it has really unsettled me being a wife and mother.

I'll start in October last year my manager seemed to get rather close to our supervisor, we work in a social job with long hours so it's pretty easy to see amongst the small group of us when something is up or going on.
It seemed to heat up and although we never caught them doing anything particularly untoward there was a lot of attention , staying late and starting early from them both.

We'll at the beginning of this year they both left their partners, both had children and continued this flirty relationship whilst maintaining to all that they were just friends- they both left the work place soon after and as such not much had been said.

Recently though it was said that these two were now in a relationship and I just wonder how people do it? I really felt for his partner who we saw a lot at the work place with the children as they all seemed so happy, she was oblivious to what was going on and of course even if we had said we didn't actually have any concrete proof.

Is it worth it though?
I can't imagine how once the excitement and newness has worn off there relationship will be any better than the one they left (can't comment on hers as we didn't see her husband etc it could of been awful, but he seemed to really dote on his family) they'll just be a hole lot of bitterness and baggage, less money and more stress!
Do these things work out ? Or am I just being naive.

RealityCheque Tue 14-Jul-15 22:23:52

Seriously, why on earth does it matter to you?

Unless you are actually one of the parties involved then you have no idea about the state of their marriages before. And why would you assume there would be less money and more stress?

Seems a very weird bunch of observations to be honest.

Sleepsoftly Tue 14-Jul-15 22:49:01

No they don't. They started a new relationship in the middle of a previous one. That's cheating and that's a behavioural thing.

If they had left, taken time out and then started a new relationship, that would have shown a different behavioural pattern.

A friend's husband walked out after 12 years and three DC to be with a close family friend. Cut them off completely on Christmas Eve, a few years ago. Five years later, and with two DC's with ex family friend, he walked out again.

Beware the partner of someone who has cheated in the past. Its in their genes.

Justagirl1 Tue 14-Jul-15 22:52:58

We'll I should imagine when your paying for your previous family there would be less money on top of your usual living expenses.
More stress because you have your previous family to think about and juggle.

I am not one of the parties involved but I did along with my colleagues watch it play out, I didn't particularly think much of it until like all things gossip comes around and someone had said that they were still at it.

It made me wonder if these things are worth all the destruction.
I'm sure it was a generalised question - realitycheque I didn't ask for snotty responses or to be accused of something I am not and would not do.
I could ask you why you replied so snootily, perhaps defensive because that was once you.

scribblegirl Tue 14-Jul-15 22:54:09

Actually in contrast to Reality, I do get it.

I love DH with all my heart and trust him implicitly, but when his best friend left his wife for another woman earlier this year it reallh threw me. I think I'm just lucky in not having seen that sort of thing much before and it knocked a bit of my 'innocence' about relationships.

Justagirl1 Tue 14-Jul-15 22:59:19

Scribble girl I felt a bout naive about it all, I just don't know how you can fall so in love with someone that you lose all care for someone you have spent so long with had children and set up home etc.
it shocked me that they both walked away from relationships for each other and I just wondered if it would turn out to be egg on their face once the normal hum drum life set in.

HawkEyeTheNoo Tue 14-Jul-15 23:12:55

It's difficult to tell really, no one knows what the previous relationships were like. Were they abusive etc. so unless you know the circs of them leaving you can't really just say that they loved someone enough to have a family and then they left. I left an abusive relationship and walked straight into a controlling one with my best mate (and boss) at the time who had encouraged me to leave the abusive one but I didn't realise until years later that he too had manipulated me into a relationship with him when I was at my most vulnerable, he even told me later that he had been in love with me for years ( he was also married and left at the same time as me - stupid woman didn't see the link) and wanted me. It didn't last, he was having an affair with my best mate of 25 years for two years and now they are together (bought a house just up the road- thanks for that!) anyway that won't last, best mate (sister really) fucked up so many friendships through this that they have no one really, just superficial 'newish' pals. And me? I met my soul mate, both single and we are amazing and although I am 40 next into we are ttc!! Yay us! So, after this long wine filled post I've no idea what the actual question was!! More wine!!! grinwink

Onmyownwith4kids Tue 14-Jul-15 23:21:52

My husband left. I still find it hard to believe he walked away from 4 kids for a work colleague. Two years on when I took control and divorced him and am getting on with life without him he's not so pleased with his decision. Constant 'I miss you texts.' Sometimes it's not the relationship but being a grown up they run away from. My ex is wetting himself now his twenty something party girl wants kids and mortgages too.

HawkEyeTheNoo Tue 14-Jul-15 23:29:18

Onmyown - that's almost exactly the same as my friend from work except the ow is now pregnant! He is devastated! She is almost 18 years younger, his kids are 19 and 17 and he is sooooo unhappy. I'm glad you are ok, the grass is not always greener

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