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Selfish DH - now acting strange.

(17 Posts)
confuseddazed Tue 14-Jul-15 09:18:09

First off I am incredibly depressed, so that may be colouring my view, but I literally cannot cope anymore.

Today an exercise bike turned up (two person lift, but courier left outside for me to carry in alone).

Not a problem? Wrong! It is the straw that broke the camel's back, and I want to leave, but have nowhere to go.

Our house is reasonably small (but not tiny). We have a conservatory, which was to be a 'family' space, but is only used by DH. He smokes in it, rendering it unusable by anyone else. It also contains cabinets for his business.

We have (had) a dining room. The table was dumped, and DH uses it for sorting out stock. I do have a worktable for myself in there, but it is covered with DH's stock. There are also several cabinets of stock in there too.

As soon as you open the front door there are boxes of stock (which do disappear on days DH trades). They take up the hall.

So we have a front room which is the only space without stock in (even our bedroom has some in).

Now none of this bothers me as much as it sounds. I accept it, and am supportive.

What has royally pissed me off? I love to exercise... really, really do. But whenever I do DH moans about 'housework' I should be doing (I also have to help him out on days he trades). I can only do it when DC is at school, as DH thinks it unfair on her to do it when she wants to watch TV or play.

I have a vibrating plate thingy (which you do exercises on), and it is in the bedroom, as there "isn't space for it anywhere". So it's totally inacessible. I have a (tiny) trampoline, which has been put in the shed and is now rusty and mouldy, as there "isn't room in the house" for it. My weights were also put in the shed as they "got in the way", and I have no idea where they are.

Yet - there is now an exercise bike, and there is going to be room for it!!! I am so pissed off I am literally crying. The one thing I loved has been made impossible, yet DH who has lots of space in the house, is going to add to it.

I have put on a lot of weight since I stopped exercising (and have become increasingly down), which is worse as I take psychiatric meds notorious for weight gain.

I can't understand DH's sudden interest in exercise - he's suddenly taking more interest in his appearance altogether. Not for my benefit certainly, we never have sex, and this has led me to sleeping on the floor in DC's room, as the rejection was making me so down.

Another thing - DH does no housework, and we are seriously hard up, so to spend precious money on something that is expensive seems ridiculously selfish.

And no, I do not want to use it too. I want my stuff - in my space, and with time to do it.

spad Tue 14-Jul-15 09:23:04

I am sorry, that sounds really tough. I can see why the bike has really upset you.

You need to get things sorted with your husband, one way or the other, for the sake of your children.

Everythinghaschanged Tue 14-Jul-15 09:27:23

Oh dear. All that combined would be enough for me to end the relationship. I couldn't live like that either.

Anniegetyourgun Tue 14-Jul-15 09:29:40

And by "sorted one way or the other" I, for one, would mean either

1) Put your foot down, reclaim your space, and tell him it's none of his damn' business whether you exercise when DC is present - oh, and if there's housework needing doing, he's quite welcome to pitch in and do some

2) LTB and get a home of your own he can't clutter up.

So easy to say from the outside, I know.

ImperialBlether Tue 14-Jul-15 09:33:16

I would have left him for smoking in the conservatory so that no-one else could use it, never mind for anything else.

He is a really selfish man, isn't he? How awful that you have to sleep on the floor - what kind of man lets his wife do that knowing the reason why?

goddessofsmallthings Tue 14-Jul-15 10:59:53

You sleep on the floor in your dc's room? shock

Reclaim your bedroom, and your 'vibrating plate thingy', by chucking the stock that's cluttering it into the smoke-ridden conservatory and make up a bed for your h on top of it there.

Better still, reclaim your life by chucking him out.

butterflygirl15 Tue 14-Jul-15 11:06:49

all that adds up to a LTB from me. He isn't going to change.

confuseddazed Tue 14-Jul-15 11:10:33

blush There is no exercise bike blush

When opened it was some storage for stock blush

I honestly thought it was a bike, as he'd been looking at them, the box was very, very heavy, and it looked like it was sealed from the manafacturer.

Everything else is true, but he hasn't bought a bike blush

confuseddazed Tue 14-Jul-15 11:12:15

goddess yes, the problems stemmed from the loss of our second child. It's not fair to blame him entirely for sleeping there, I like being close to DD1, and I guess I associate our bed with DD2 dying.

TheChandler Tue 14-Jul-15 11:16:47

OP, whats stopping you going into the shed and looking for your weights? And moving your trampoline outside? Its summer.

Not saying your DH is a good one, but you do seem to be very passive.

CheersMedea Tue 14-Jul-15 12:15:24

The clutter of the stock sounds a big part of the problem. A messy home environment with no space is very stressful. I would sit him down calmly (tell him you want to have a serious conversation in advance and that you want to book time in with him to discuss it - so he has a heads up) and tell him that he needs to find other space to store his stock - this may mean paying for a space, building a "shed" in the garden, borrowing a friends garage for a pittance etc etc. Moving house to a place that has a bigger garage/storage space - if that means moving to a cheaper area/less convenient then that may be a trade off. These are all just ideas.

There are lots of ways this could be managed but living like this is no good for you. It sounds awful.

TheWitchwithNoName Tue 14-Jul-15 13:21:37

No helpful advice but so sorry for your loss flowers

LazyLouLou Tue 14-Jul-15 13:59:47

OK, so no bike but read back your OP... you really need to have a chat. You could laugh about your mistake but point out that you obviously have reached the end of your tether and something's got to give!

Use this as a wake up call... good luck.

truthaboutlove Tue 14-Jul-15 14:48:14

Well take out the exercise bike and the stock, and you've still got no housework and no sex. One of those alone is enough for most people to say no, that's the end.

SolidGoldBrass Tue 14-Jul-15 15:27:56

Is this stock of his actually selling? I mean, does him selling it make up a good chunk of the household income, or is it some hobby or pyramid-selling scam that costs you as a family more than it brings in?

pilates Tue 14-Jul-15 15:41:17

It sounds like you need some time on your own to reevaluate your feelings. The relationship sounds dead sad.

spad Tue 14-Jul-15 20:03:12

I am so sorry for your loss.

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