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what to do when you cant go backwards.. but cant go forwards either

(13 Posts)
chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:12:24

When you struggle because you,re always told you have the problem, no matter what he,s done and you have cried so many times, and you know deep down he,s not for you, but you cannot see any other future with anyone else due to circumstances and he knows you feel like this. Feeling like you can handle the situation, so you stay, but, inside you,re dying because you know the person you love doesn,t really love you.

chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:21:45

When you flip from raging bull to dying mouse all the time and realise you,,re going mental.

LovelyFriend Mon 13-Jul-15 21:25:23

You realise you don't need to be able to see a future with anyone else. You have everything you, and your dc if you have them, need.

If you can't go back and you can't go forward, take a step sideways.

MrsJackAubrey Mon 13-Jul-15 21:25:34

Chinup, I think that's the time you have a long bath and a good cry. Then you go to bed and sleep.

If your partner doesn't love you, then you have to move on. You don't grovel for their love; you don't promise to change or to be different. Chin up. We've all been there and we've survived. You can do it too. You're not going mental, you're just suffering. It will get better.

LovelyFriend Mon 13-Jul-15 21:27:36

You start to think about how much better life will be without someone running you down and blaming you all the time.

You realise how great it will be not to be walking on eggshells and double guessing all the time b

Newbrummie Mon 13-Jul-15 21:33:51

Being alone would be far preferable to that scenario

goddessofsmallthings Mon 13-Jul-15 21:40:16

We can't stop the progress of time and we're all heading to the future whether we like it or not.

If you don't choose to embrace it you'll remain standing on the same spot and will come to regret wasting chunks of your life in that future you refuse to contemplate.

you know the person you love doesn't really love you There's a good chance that the person you think you love doesn't actually exist and you're merely enraptured by a fantasy of how you believe they could be 'if only they loved you'.

chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:51:42

He claims to love me. He has broken strong adult promises which is why i went down the road with him in the first place. He is no good at being here or providing any sort of real relationship, but thinks that flashing the cash to enable us to experience things i like is enough. i did split with him for 4 months and i was so lonely and missed the good times. My only remaining child at home is severely disabled and i am a sahm, and if i weren,t in the position i am i think my emotional thought process would be different. It feels like sex for cash and i can,t get through to him how i feel. And i feel so cheap for letting it get to this stage, hoping that frank open talk, would show him how i feel, and perhaps he would change. The 4 months was painfull and unbearable. But i felt stonger within that 4 months and set my terms which were more of a warding him off and creating boundaries for myself.. in order for me to keep him in my life. All that resolve disappeared.I now find the relationship totally under his terms and im unreasonable. Im scottish and super hot headed and i scream when i want to cry, cos ive been brought up thinking crying is weak.Although,, he has seen me cry on numerous occasions. He has been a player in the past and i dont know how much this has affected me. I feel like im going mad. I can talk and talk and talk and he will nod his head sympathetically, agree, book something lovely.... and then we,re back to the beginning.... with him behaving the same way.

chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:54:56

We spent a year living what he said he wanted, me involving my non verbal high needs child, everything got smashed,but he was crying. He chose another path and it did not matter one iota what we needed.

chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:54:56

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chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:54:57

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chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:54:57

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chinuphigh Mon 13-Jul-15 21:59:05

Sex is good, he makes me laugh, but there is no future. i need someone who really sees my son and what he needs.That might not ever happen... right? Am i asking too much of anyone or is it possible?

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