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would have been 14th wedding anniversary today

(8 Posts)
yummytummy Mon 13-Jul-15 12:30:09

hi just feeling like complete poop today. in the middle of a nasty divorce and exh has acted awfully throughout. its been horrible as he was abusive and then just after leaving got ow pregnant within a month. my brain still cant quite grasp that my husband has had a child with another woman. it just cheapens our long and difficult journey we had to finally be blessed with our two kids.

anyway in spite of that I just feel so so heartbroken at the loss of everything we had, not helped by the fact he was cleaning out his old computer and put all our pictures of all those years together eg all holiday trips away baby pics etc on a disc and gave them to me. I made the mistake of looking through it and was in pieces.

its just such a loss and hurts so much. I bet he doesn't even remember what the date is.

not handling it very well and its hard as he has his new little set up new woman new child and I am just left alone struggling with day to day kids stuff with no companionship or intimacy and I may never have sex or a relationship again.

how can I get through this? really not handling it. have had counselling etc but after a point they want you to use the tools yourself to navigate day to day life.

Jan45 Mon 13-Jul-15 13:06:16

You are far richer than him, you have children to keep you going, he will look back and regret so much, and don't kid yourself that his new life is all shiny and bright, he has a baby with a woman he will also have to support, and it's not all fun and games raising a baby.

You need to stop focusing on him and focus on you, you must find hobbies, lean on friends, try and keep relatively busy, it's the only way, I know it is hard but you will get there.

As for saying you wont ever have a sexual relationship again, that too is in your hands.

MrsGoslingWannabe Mon 13-Jul-15 13:22:36

When did you split? You must give it time. And don't worry yet about finding another partner. You need to be happy with yourself and DC before starting a new relationship.

I bet he's there with the new baby and partner either being a stressy bastard or pretending to be happy.

yummytummy Mon 13-Jul-15 13:24:34

Hi we split around 18 months ago and i feel annoyed with myself that i am not further along by now. Think it was the double shock of him going then the baby news a month later that was too much

yummytummy Mon 13-Jul-15 13:25:27

I think also as we had been together since age 18 so nrly 20 years so havnt known any other relationship

fluffybunnies246 Mon 13-Jul-15 13:29:51

aw yummytummy. If he was/is an a**e to you, he'll be an a**e to her too, and he'll probably die alone and miserable, whereas you have 2 lovely children and a whole future ahead of you. It just probably doesn't feel like that because you are going through a nasty divorce and to top it off it's one of those special dates.

I find organising 'nice' things with the kids helps…if they are having fun it's kind of infectious. I agree ^^ keeping busy is key to getting through.

ohlamour Mon 13-Jul-15 14:08:50

So sorry you feel like this OP. It is shit, but you WILL get through this. You are lucky to have your children to keep you going.flowers

yougotafriend Mon 13-Jul-15 14:51:25

It should have been my 20th wedding anniversary last week!! It's a bummer isn't it?

I 100% don't want to be with him anymore but I was sad to think that 20yrs ago I was so optimistic about our future.

I agree with pp, it's likely that his perfect new life is far from perfect. You need to take care of yourself and your DC and look forward to a bright future without him holding you back thanks

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