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Please help me understand dh.

(4 Posts)
Dreaminofsummer Mon 13-Jul-15 10:13:15

Dh and I have been together 10 years and married for 5. Our sex life used to be good but only because I had a high sex drive. If I didn't initiate things then we wouldn't have sex. Even if I dressed up in sexy underwear it was as if it didn't even cross his mind. There were a couple of occasions where he would keep turning me down and I found out he was looking at porn. Anyway we now have a DS and I was quite happy with the lack of sex and he was the one complaining that he wanted it more. Now DS is older and I'm not as tired I'd like to work on our sex life but he's still the same. I try to always look nice for him but it's as if he just doesn't feel that way about me. The only time he seems to want to is when he feels we should. Birthdays, wedding night, last night of our honeymoon and so on. I've even wondered if he might be gay. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I'm wondering if counselling would help but he won't even talk to me. Why would he be like this? I can't help but think it's me. I don't know if I can spend the rest of my life feeling like this.

midnightvelvetPart2 Mon 13-Jul-15 11:26:25

There could be loads of reasons why but if he doesn't tell you then you can't understand it so now the subject has become this huge thing that you both avoid mentioning as you both feel bad about it.

Are you able to talk about it at all, does he understand how you feel. If not then start with that as he has a right to not be pressured into sex but you have a right to want to have sex more frequently, so basically you are both right but incompatible & maybe you can compromise on both sides.

Jan45 Mon 13-Jul-15 13:01:02

You need to talk to him and find out why he is so off it, I would worry about his porn use also as that might have a bearing on why he is turning you down, tbh, I think he has some cheek to turn you down yet get his rocks off elsewhere, he either wants to work on the relationship or he doesn't, it's not for you to `understand` anything.

MsJJ79 Mon 13-Jul-15 13:08:38

Was it gay porn he was looking at? Like the PP said there could be loads of reasons he doesn't want sex but if you can't have a conversation about it then you won't get very far. I would insist he came to counselling or think about a separation, I couldn't live with someone who wouldn't have sex or even discuss it.

Is the sex any good when it does happen?

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