I've been seeing this guy now for just under a month and we've been on about 5 dates so far. I really like spending time with him and he seems great. There are a few issues that are now starting to arise and I wanted to see what people thought.
- He's just come out of a 13 year relationship and was married for 2 years to this person. They were each other first boyfriend and girlfriend and he's only ever slept with one other person. That's fine. However,his wife had an illness which meant they had to take it slow in the sack. Again,fine. I'm used to it a little bit differently but we both seem on board for compromise. We then revealed to me last night that he and his wife only had sex 3 times during the entirety of their 13 year relationship as she found it so painful. I was a little bit shocked by this,more that he entered a marriage in his late 20s knowing sex wasn't on the agenda,but I could see it was a massive step for him to tell me,so didn't question him further on it. So due to this issue,he claimed he's got very used to "taking care of himself" sexually. However,when we were getting intimate the other night and I was using my mouth on him, it appeared to have the opposite effect,as did my further use of my hands.
Now,I would have thought that after 13 years of masturbating would make someone else's touch more appealing,not less! That led onto me thinking that he possibly could have a low sex drive.
This also leads onto other things such as,I feel I'm instigating 70% of the moves,kissing,flirting and anything else. Example,we were out watching a band last night,and i was doing the typical flirty thing of putting my hand on his arm when talking,brushing my leg up against him,and there was pretty much no reciprocation. We haven't had sex yet as I realise he is quite overwhelmed by this new turn of events in his life and I don't want to scare off what could be a good thing,if I give it time,but I'm starting to get frustrated with it. I feel like I'm the one pouncing on him all the time,which he says he likes,but his actions show different.
I don't know,I suppose after writing all this down it seems clear we may be imcompatible but I really like the guy.