I'm struggling to come to terms with the end of my relationship. I know the relationships board is full of wise people, so I'm hoping you might offer advice/support so I can get through this.
I'll try to keep it short. I'm 24, and I've been with my ex-DP for almost a decade. We went through a lot together. I'm orphaned, and my foster mum punched me in the face and kicked me out in the middle of the night. The council wanted to put me in a Salvation Army with no doors on the rooms, so DP's family took me in, and I lived there for a while. Then we moved out and lived abroad for a while, and then in quite a remote area of the UK.
I will admit that while our relationship was good, in my eyes, I do think I had a codependency problem. I did financially support us through both being abroad and his degree, and helped him getting his dream job. Then I lost my job due to my disability, had to learn to walk again, and then quickly went through two jobs with terrible management.
We moved into our new flat in Feb, but by this point, we weren't really doing much. Neither of us had much of a social life, I was overweight and struggling without a social life, and I struggled with DP pulling away. He left in March after a stupid argument, and went to live with his parents. He's been there since.
For around a month, we didn't talk at all. Then we text occasionally, and now we text quite a lot every day, and see each other a few times a week. I've told him that I'd like to get back together, and he is thinking about it. He maintains that he hasn't had much time to think - he's been at risk of redundancy since February, and he does seem to work in a stressful environment at the moment - and as he lives at home rent-free, his parents expect him to help out and spend time with them in the evening, etc.
I saw him yesterday, for my birthday. I told him I was struggling with us being apart, with missing him. He said he'd think about it. He repeated that he's enjoying his space, and that while he does miss me, it doesn't kick in until we've been apart for a few days. He's enjoying exploring new hobbies. I get that. He said he comes to see me because I make him happy and he likes seeing me, but he hasn't thought about it any more than that - he didn't think we'd ever see each other again when we split.
From my point of view, though, it hurts. If I told him that, he'd say he can't see me anymore because he doesn't want to hurt me. I keep setting myself deadlines and saying that I'll walk, but I can't seem to do it. I love him. I am distracting myself with work, loads of exercise, learning to drive, learning French. I've got a whole house to look after now. But I miss him. It's been months, and I miss him anyway.
I've gone through the angry phase, and the sadness, and the sleeping all hours of the day. Usually, in the limited number of heartbreaks I've had, it passes after that. But I seem to be always left with a residual love for him and I'm finding that so difficult.
Any advice? I feel so sad tonight...my friend is out with her new boyfriend, I think that's mixed up some feelings in me.
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Relationships
I need help to move on. I'm not strong enough on my own.
7 replies
RepeatAdNauseum · 11/07/2015 21:15
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