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Struggling for a title....

(11 Posts)
pausingforbreath Sat 11-Jul-15 14:16:26

I have been a frequent lurker & very seldom poster on relationships since my Dh has his affair d-day being June 2012.

It was a full blown affair, d day was him coming home & telling me all about OW and that he was leaving me to be with her , (I hadn't been suspicious.)

Lots of anger, tears , weight loss , arguing etc ( the stories are here ever present sadly) . We did stay together , rebuilt, him no contact with OW. He put in all the work of fixing everything and taking all the responsibility ( quite rightly).

It has been hard , but we have found a new happier place and relationship.

I have just had a ' lightning moment'.
I was admitted for a small op last week; came round in recovery to find it was a bigger op than expected - resulting in me being totally disabled , until at least early August. I can't even get myself a glass of water.
It has left me totally frustrated and angry.

Dh , has been amazing - he accepted it better than me. He has cared for me ( without eye rolling) , run about for me. Adapted the house so it's workable for me. Taken on everything in the house work dept (it was shared before) , the kids. Kept working long hours. Comforted me and listened to my tears and fears.
He's kept happy, not complained or made me feel an inconvenience once.
He's currently shopping for a big family party ( my side) here tomorrow. When he gets home he's cleaning the house from top to bottom .
It was planned before my op , everyone said cancel or postpone. Except Dh - he said he knew I'd like to see everyone and he was happy to of it all.

Of course, since the affair, you question if you have done the right thing and if LTB would of been the right thing.

I think by how he is since my op, I've had my confirmation that I did the right thing in giving him another chance.

Today I finally realise he's not a bad man , just one that made a bad mistake.
He now does far more caring for me than hurting me.

onlyif Sat 11-Jul-15 14:20:39

That's great pausing. I wish you a speedy recovery.

LastingLight Sat 11-Jul-15 14:27:31

What an inspiring story. Hope you get better soon.

SteggySaurus Sat 11-Jul-15 14:34:34

This sounds familiar. Glad things are going so well for you both, with the exception of your op of course!

Love what you said about him not being a bad person and that he just made a mistake. I know exactly what you mean. It's so good that you have been able to move past what happened.

jollyjester Sat 11-Jul-15 14:46:38

I hope you feel better soon OP flowers

Its lovely to hear such an inspiring story of a relationship being mended.

It gives me hope that even the worst mistakes can be forgiven and I'm sure other posters will feel the same.

Have a lovely family party.

pausingforbreath Sat 11-Jul-15 14:47:26

Thanks for replies.
It's not that I wasn't happy with my decision before.
This damn op has been the first 'big testing thing' since our decision to stay as a couple.
I guess it could of gone tits up and him being an arse .... It hasn't; quite the opposite.
Hence my feelings of ' confirmation '
Thanks again.

ALaughAMinute Sat 11-Jul-15 15:12:10

Lovely story. It just goes to show that some marriages can survive an affair and have a happy ending.

Wishing you all the best for the future and a speedy recovery.

daisychain01 Sat 11-Jul-15 15:26:35

Sometimes it takes a big "wake up call" for someone to realise what they could have lost, and might have let slip through their fingers.

The fact you have been prepared to accept him back, when he thought you wouldn't, confirmed what a great thing you had, and have, going for you

I hope your health improves quickly and fully so you can enjoy your life together. flowers

molyholy Sun 12-Jul-15 00:23:28

Inspiring post OP. Good luck for the future flowers

pausingforbreath Sun 12-Jul-15 01:12:54

Again, thanks for responses .

I didn't post here in 'the beginning' - I was too scared that I would be berated as a fool for giving him the chance to do it again .
I wasn't strong enough to hear it.
It has been a hard path but I feel it has been worth it.
He hasn't 'done it again' and I feel I 'know myself' better too.
I'm a lot stronger than I believed, I'm a lot more worthy than I believed and i found along the way I have great people around me too. Lots of people that I appreciate & treasure more than I did before.
Enough of my waffle, in short I guess I'm just saying I'm in a good place.
Just need to get over my surgery & I'll be smokin'
The cake is decorated, the house is clean & tomorrow is a party.
Cheers.

worserevived Sun 12-Jul-15 08:27:57

Pausing I'm so glad he has stepped up and proved that although he did something horribly destructive, he is fundamentally a good person, and your marriage has been strong enough to survive it.

Similar story here. My DH has been wonderful since we reconciled. Reading your story is helpful because this board can be very negative about the possibility of moving on and being happy after an affair. It can make one doubt one's decisions despite all evidence to the contrary.

I hope you have many more happy decades together. Enjoy the party smile

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