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Where do I start?

(14 Posts)
ThePrincessButtercup Sat 11-Jul-15 12:30:26

DH broke my ankle last weekend. sad
He launched at attack on me as he thought I'd said something derogatory about a close family member who had just died - I hadn't.
Whilst trying to wrestle me to the sofa he accidentally broke my ankle. When he called the ambulance he told them he'd shoved me so the police came.

As the incident was both an accident and the result of a misunderstanding I didn't press charges.

Since then he goes through periods of remorse, misery and anger. Yesterday I suggested counselling in the morning but he felt there was no point, he took his wedding ring off, putting it back on later.

He then reverted to apologetic but this morning has gone back to it's all over.
He has just verbally threatened me again, whilst waving one of my crutches at me but has now gone back to bed.

I feel very vulnerable at the moment and he's very emotionally labile. If we are going to split up should I be pressing assault charges? I've told everyone it was an accident.

We've been married for over 20 years and have 2 DCs, part of me wants to try and make a go of it, I think we do still love each other but part of me wants to hop for the hills.

FernGullysWoollyPully Sat 11-Jul-15 12:36:07

Oh dear me. Firstly, flowers I'm so sorry you're going through this and feeling so vulnerable.

Secondly, you know you need to get out of this don't you? That's why you've posted. So that we will confirm what you know.

This is a horribly abusive situation and you have been injured!

As the incident was both an accident and the result of a misunderstanding I didn't press charges - don't justify it. There is no justifying it.

VixxFace Sat 11-Jul-15 12:44:06

Sorry how was the original attack an accident?

ThePrincessButtercup Sat 11-Jul-15 13:40:43

I meant it was an accident in that whilst he meant to shove me, he didn't mean my ankle to fracture.
He's now being conciliatory again, also he's now suffering a flare up of a chronic condition he suffers from and is unable to do anything, we currently have an autistic teenager looking after us and I'm trying to keep everything 'normal' for his sake.

tippytap Sat 11-Jul-15 13:58:31

I can't imagine how hard you'd have to shove someone to break an ankle.

But it doesn't matter. The 'shove' itself is too much. The 'shove' is violence. Regardless of what you said or didn't say.

DoreenLethal Sat 11-Jul-15 14:02:06

If we are going to split up should I be pressing assault charges? I've told everyone it was an accident.

Yes. Take control of the situation - don't allow him to be the one that decides if it is off, on, whatever. Press charges. Get rid of this person from your life before you end up in the morgue.

gobbynorthernbird Sat 11-Jul-15 14:03:36

You're lucky it was your ankle and not your skull or neck. Please get out.

Earlybird Sat 11-Jul-15 14:30:19

Has he ever been aggressive toward you before?

You don't sound nearly angry/shocked enough at what has happened, and he doesn't sound nearly apologetic/remorseful enough.

It sounds as if you are making excuses for him, and enabling his behaviour.

LittleDecoRing Sat 11-Jul-15 15:04:53

Princess, he meant to shove you and you have a broken ankle. This is GBH. He made the decision to assault you. This was no misunderstanding.

You sound so resigned to the situation. No one will tell you to stay with him. I hope you find the strength to make a plan and leave.

AskBasil Sat 11-Jul-15 15:19:43

Yes, call the police, tell them that you said it was all a misunderstanding because you were afraid, but that actually you want to press charges.

Please get out, you've posted because you know it's time to.

Also call Women's Aid

ThePrincessButtercup Sat 11-Jul-15 17:48:06

But how could I practically do it? I can't leave, I can't walk or drive and don't have any friends or family near by.
I'm sure if I phoned the police and explained that he'd committed a serious assault they'd remove him but he's too ill to get out of bed at this precise moment so what could they do with him? Besides, in his current state he's hardly a threat.

Earlybird Sat 11-Jul-15 19:00:53

You may not be able to do it right away, but should be thinking hard about your options.

Do you have supportive family? Could they help?
How old are your dc?

goddessofsmallthings Sat 11-Jul-15 19:53:38

He's "too ill to get out of bed"? Is that according to a doctor? If so, what's the diagnosis and the prognosis? And, if not, who's caring for the dc and undertaking all of the household chores while you're incapacitated?

Get real, honey. If he can drag his sorry arse out of bed to verbally threaten you and wave one of your crutches at you, he's well enough to be carted away by the girls/boys in blue and he can be cared for in the custody suite with the duty doctor on call and an ambulance to whisk him off to hospital if necessary.

You've probably heard the slogan "One Punch Can Kill". The same applies to a shove as it could have easily been your neck or your skull that was broken and, in truth, at the time he shoved you he didn't give a flying fuck whether or not you sustained an injury as the only thing on his mind was physically abusing you as a means to vent his anger. Make no mistake: this was deliberate act of violence on his part and your broken ankle is not an accidental injury.

Call the police, 'fess up to the fact that you covered for him and tell them that his latest threat has persuaded you that you're not safe while he's in the house and you want press charges for the injury he's already done to you.

If you want out of this sham of a marriage, some would take the view that you've had a lucky break because if you press charges it will activate a raft of support from your regional police authority's Domestic Violence Unit and you may be eligible for legal aid to fund applications for occupation and non-molestation orders and the costs of divorce.

As for how you'll cope; where there's a will, there's a way. Others who are housebound rely on online grocery shopping and I have no doubt that you've got neighbours and mumsnetters living near you who'll be happy to lend a hand as and when needed.

In the meantime, give your autistic carer a break by making sure they've only got one patient to care for.

Given what he's done to you coupled with the fact that he's clearly not remorseful or contrite, why would you allow this violent twunt into your bed to continue being a role model for your dc?

Overall, you're best advised to head for the hills. You can turn back if you want, but I reckon you'll find the view from on high far too enjoyable than that which can be seen from your very own Cold Comfort Farm where his act of violence is unlikely to be the last.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Sat 11-Jul-15 21:28:32

Press charges.

If you don't, he knows that you are OK with him breaking your bones. And so do you. There's not much left that after that really is there?

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