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Relationship breakdown, 9 wks pregnant

(13 Posts)
CalypsoLilt Fri 10-Jul-15 15:52:06

I think my relationship is over. We argue constantly and about everything. I can't tell if it's just my hormones being out of whack and I should preserve or if I should cut my losses and get a termination?

We've only been together 7 months and I feel like getting pregnant (joint decision) is the single most reckless and stupid decision I've made in my life.

PeoniesForAll Fri 10-Jul-15 16:05:43

With regards to termination - no one can tell you what to do. It is utterly your choice and no one from the Internet can tell you otherwise.

And the relationship...I think 7 months is a bit too soon to be thinking of many big events (move house, marriage) let alone having a baby! We need a bit more of a history re the argument...are you always arguing? What is the arguing about? Is it something you think you can both overcome?

girliefriend Fri 10-Jul-15 16:13:50

Do you want the baby? That is the important question with regards to the termination.

CalypsoLilt Fri 10-Jul-15 16:39:51

He currently lives in Amsterdam but is due to move here at the end of July.

Argument topics: should we get a dog is the biggest one. Are carpets better than wood floors? Can you freeze foods? Amongst other ridiculous things. Mostly argue about how we communicate with each other.

I'm 32 and I've always wanted children. But I don't want a baby like this and I don't want to be a single mum either. I actually think I'll be a terrible mum (like my mum).

CalypsoLilt Fri 10-Jul-15 16:40:39

Arguing only really started when my job took me back to the UK

CalypsoLilt Fri 10-Jul-15 16:43:55

My mental health has always been N issue, and since being pregnant my doctor has reduced my medication by half. All this arguing makes me feel so desperate and hopeless.

Lifecanonlygetbetter Sat 11-Jul-15 01:07:49

If you have the baby you have a relationship with this man for at least 18 years, whether you like it or not. Is this what you want?

sadwidow28 Sat 11-Jul-15 03:04:23

If your Dr has reduced your MH medication because of your pregnancy, have you had counselling or a therapy group put in place to deal with the withdrawal symptoms? I suspect that at 9 weeks pregnant, you have not accessed all the ante-natal/midwife support you will receive ultimately.

You really don't have to make decisions about dogs and carpets at this stage. In fact, should you choose to have the baby, your decisions may be very different to those you would make as a couple. (For example, I would never get a dog BEFORE a baby comes into a family.)

Counselling may also help you to communicate better. But you might find that communication resolves itself once your DP moves to the UK at the end of the month (you said arguments only started when you moved back to the UK).

I actually think that I actually think I'll be a terrible mum could be the crux of the problem. Just because your mother was a terrible Mum does not mean that you can't be wonderful at motherhood. Some people find it comes naturally, others need help because they have no-one to mirror. But at the end of the day, if you know you want this child, then help and support is there to help you to become the great mother you want to be.

If, when you have weighed it all up, the decision is entirely yours. If you need help with your decision you can contact support services who can assist.

I'll leave you this link in case it helps you:

Good luck.

Atenco Sat 11-Jul-15 03:24:45

I think you can be a much better mother than your mother but my theory, for what it is worth, is that you would have to concentrate more than someone who had good parenting themselves. Because personally, when I wasn't concentrating, I would default to my mother's style of parenting.

QuiteLikely5 Sat 11-Jul-15 06:54:21

You do not know anything about each other after a couple of months.

If you are going to have this baby consider the implications.

Will he be a father to it?

Will he pay you maintenance?

Have you got family support?

Seriously if you think it's bad now having a baby is like throwing a bomb into your relationship.

In your shoes I wouldn't have a child with this man. I would wait for Mr right and give future children a chance at a proper happy home and decent father.

ApplesTheHare Sat 11-Jul-15 07:08:07

TBH having a baby is lovely but incredibly divisive for any couple. It's a huge test for any relationship. If the relationship isn't working pre-baby it's not going to get any better post-baby thanks

CalypsoLilt Sat 11-Jul-15 15:42:30

I think I am very depressed, and morning sickness isn't helping. I will talk to my doctor to discuss my options. I don't want to rush into an abortion.

sadwidow28 Tue 14-Jul-15 18:39:13

I'll shamelessly bump this thread in case CalypsoLilt needs to find it.

(Some OPs don't know how to find their threads)

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