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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Am I being ridiculous?

21 replies

JennaP1984 · 10/07/2015 12:28

Hi all
I'm feeling very insecure in my relationship, I'm 5 months pregnant so that might be something to do with it, but I feel like my partner isn't really bothered about me. He has a daughter and is always posting photos of her on Facebook and his profile pic is of them together, but in the 3 years we have been together he's never put me, or the 3 of us, as his profile pic. They are very close which is lovely but sometimes I feel like I'm in the way and I'm just here to clean up after them. Other than that things are fine I just don't feel very loved sometimes, but I'm not sure if that's me just being silly? How can I stop worrying about this all the time?

OP posts:

Report

nequidnimis · 10/07/2015 12:31

I think it's nice that his pp is of him and his DD. Maybe he hasn't changed it to a photo of the three of you out of sensitivity for her mum?

Obviously if he doesn't make you feel loved in other ways then you need to talk (would've been better six months ago maybe), but I think you're being over sensitive about the fb thing.

hotlikeme · 10/07/2015 12:31

I don't think you should judge the state of your relationship on the basis of a FB post but you may need to tell your DP that you would appreciate a bit more of his attention.

pollyisnotputtingthekettleon · 10/07/2015 12:34

Does he know this bothers you? Men arent great at the hints. It would be nice if they did. 5 months is hard as you are now showing and feeling a bit scared/worried about the future. ... but im on the you shouldnt have to tell him put you and the dog on yours .... or any random dog .... see if he notices

loveulotslikejellytots · 10/07/2015 12:38

My DH's' pp is a picture of our dog if there are no other issues in your relationship and he's otherwise kind and loving, I wouldn't worry.

It's quite sweet he has a pic of his dd.

loveulotslikejellytots · 10/07/2015 12:39

Ha ha polly! Cross posts!

Spell99 · 10/07/2015 12:50

Is this your first DC OP? Three may be a mismatch on expectation for lack of a better term if he's seen all this before and its all new to you.

JennaP1984 · 10/07/2015 12:58

Ahh thank you all. I know I am over sensitive, I just can't help it. I waste so much time fretting over silly things. I had us as my profile pic for about 6 months and then changed it a few weeks ago to me and my friends, and he didn't like it. So I said - well you've never had me on yours! And he didn't say anything!

OP posts:

JennaP1984 · 10/07/2015 13:01

Hi spell sorry what is DC OP?

OP posts:

Joysmum · 10/07/2015 13:03

Have you actually said to him that you would like there to be a better better record of your lives together and that you'd like home to post more pics (I'd word it positive like that rather than being negative and critising the lack of pics). How you communicate will affect how he responds.

RepeatAdNauseum · 10/07/2015 13:06

DC = dear child
OP = You, the original poster

Spell was asking if this is your first child.

bodenbiscuit · 10/07/2015 13:07

If you feel that you are just there to clean up after them then you need to have it out with him. You sound quite upset, op.

wannaBe · 10/07/2015 13:13

firstly, it's facebook. I'm presuming that once the baby is born he will put pictures of him/her on there, but really, you shouldn't be judging your relationship on the basis of whether you are on his profile picture. As an aside, are you connected as in "in a relationship" on there?

Secondly, I consider my ds and my dp to be my family, however it would never occur to me to put a profile picture of the three of us on fb because that would IMO be disrespectful to my xh who is my ds' dad and is also his family iyswim. I would put pictures of the three of us on my general timeline though, but a profile picture is different because it is a public record iyswim and paints a picture which would look different to some on the outside than it really is. if that makes sense.

sooperdooper · 10/07/2015 13:18

Yes, I think you're being ridiculous, but so was he if he complained about what photo you used, it's FB, it's just not worth even thinking about

JennaP1984 · 10/07/2015 13:22

Ahh ok thank you. Yes this is my first child.
No we are not even 'in a relationship' on FB but to be honest that has never really bothered me, it's more the lack of pics. I haven't really brought it up as a subject as I know it's probably me being silly, but maybe I will do

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 10/07/2015 16:04

I've been with my OH 4 years now.
I still haven't changed my status on facebook and I've never put a photo of him and me on facebook so don't read too much into that.

But... 'I'm just here to clean up after them' does NOT sound good.
What do you mean by that?
Does he do anything around the house?
Does he hug and kiss you and snuggle you?
Do his own washing? Some of the cooking? Shopping?

Jan45 · 10/07/2015 16:12

I don't think you are being silly, it's okay for him to not show you on his FB page but not ok for you to change his pic to one of your friends, double standards or what.

BathtimeFunkster · 10/07/2015 16:15

Why are you cleaning up after him and his kid?

Stop doing that and you'll less like you're being used as a maid.

Which you are.

JennaP1984 · 10/07/2015 17:34

I do most of the washing and 100% of the cooking. We do the shopping together. I clean up after them as they are both so messy and I am super tidy, I can't live in mess so I am constantly tidying or cleaning.
He is generally quite cuddly and affectionate though.
I don't think I could handle not tidying up after them though, I went away for a weekend once & came home to a totally trashed house. It was like he'd had a rave, it was such a complete mess. I just can't live like that :(

OP posts:

BathtimeFunkster · 10/07/2015 17:51

I went away for a weekend once & came home to a totally trashed house. It was like he'd had a rave, it was such a complete mess.

Tell me it wasn't you who cleaned up after his "rave"?

JennaP1984 · 10/07/2015 17:59

Yep! Otherwise it would have stayed a complete mess

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Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 10/07/2015 18:04

If he makes a mess, or his DD makes a mess, ask them to clean it up. You are pregnant and shouldn't be clearing up after them. You will be busy when the baby comes, so it is as well for him to get used to doing more now.

Maybe your partner struggles to bond until the baby is born? My dh is a brilliant Dad, but he didn't touch my bump, or help me when I was expecting unless I asked. I was very worried he wasn't interested in our baby, but he was devoted to our son as soon as he was born, and our other children too. He just struggled to show his feelings before they were born.

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