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Divorce. He's received the letter from my solicitor so why has he suddenly gone quiet?

(19 Posts)
ALaughAMinute Fri 10-Jul-15 12:10:10

I'm in the very early stages of getting divorced.

My H received a letter 3 days ago from my solicitor stating the fact that I want a divorce and the reasons why. The strange thing is he opened the letter and left it on his desk without mentioning to me which seems a bit strange as he's normally very argumentative. Why hasn't he mentioned it do you think? I can only assume his solicitor (if he's seen one yet) has advised him to be quiet and not get involved in any arguments. Is this normal?

The letter didn't come as a surprise by the way, we haven't been getting on for ages and I told him last week that I wanted a divorce and that he'd be receiving a letter from my solicitor.

What's he playing at? I'm confused.

deckthehallswithdesperation Fri 10-Jul-15 12:15:21

Firstly he'll be stunned you've actually done it. 2ndly he'll be fucking furious & will be plotting his revenge. A god-almighty explosion will happen soon enough.

deckthehallswithdesperation Fri 10-Jul-15 12:16:06

Sorry that wasn't very helpful, I'm having a bad divorce day myself.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 10-Jul-15 12:18:51

I agree he is totally stunned! That will show him. I doubt his solicitor has told him to avoid arguing.

ALaughAMinute Fri 10-Jul-15 12:35:37

I think you're both right that he's stunned. I've threatened to divorce him for ages and I don't think he thought I would actually go ahead and do it.

Just walked passed his office and he looks like he's about to burst a blood vessel but isn't saying anything. Odd! shock

Deck, sorry you're having a bad divorce day, it's an incredibly stressful time, but you will get there in the end. I'm in the early stages and I'm already stressed out. The only thing that is keeping me going is imagining how much happier I will be without him. Happier times are ahead, we've just got to keep going.

deckthehallswithdesperation Fri 10-Jul-15 12:51:15

While he's quiet make sure you use the time to gather everything you need/move stuff if you have to/take copies etc. First thing I did was swipe the dcs passports & birth certs. Better MNrs will be along soon.

midnightvelvetPart2 Fri 10-Jul-15 12:52:27

It may be a number of different things, as previous posters have said there will probably be an element of 'how dare she do this', there will be anger, maybe guilt, some plotting of revenge in some way, possibly, depending on your reasons for divorcing, some sadness or regret. All of these are pretty powerful emotions & they will come out in time.

Be prepared for some kind of reaction in the near future, whether its an explosion of rage or something cold & calculated. He's not your problem anymore though, he can do what he likes as your decision is already made.

Don't get involved in his mind fucks, your marriage is over & its no longer your business to be worried about what he thinks. Ignore ignore ignore smile

deckthehallswithdesperation Fri 10-Jul-15 12:53:29

I used to say it's like I've tossed a nuclear bomb up in the air. Only I could see it falling, I had no idea when it would land but when it did I knew it would obliterate everything.

midnightvelvetPart2 Fri 10-Jul-15 12:55:05

Actually deck that's a very good point.

OP if you have any joint accounts, bank or savings etc then either remove some money & put it in an account in your name, or keep a bloody close eye on them. If he takes all of the money, I'm not sure whether you can get it back or at least get it back when you need it....

If you don't have your own bank account then open one today if possible, once the initial shock wears off he could become very spiteful & do things that you wouldn't imagine he would do.

ALaughAMinute Fri 10-Jul-15 13:11:36

Thanks for the replies. I think this might be the calm before the storm but I hope not.

Deck, I know what you mean about a nuclear bomb dropping, I'm just waiting for it to happen. shock

Mid, I'm starting to get all my paperwork together and I get paid in a separate bank account so hopefully I will soon have things in order soon.

I just asked him when he was going to get the handyman round to do some jobs before we put the house on the market and his face looked like thunder. Miserable bastard, can't wait to get rid of him!

deckthehallswithdesperation Fri 10-Jul-15 19:23:29

Expect non-cooperation in all areas from now on, esp the handy man. Steel yourself, the 67 days I lived with twunt features before he was forced out were the worst in my entire life. I was bathed in acid & roasted in the fires of hell. Dropped 1.5 stone in a couple of weeks. Good luck op. We're all here for you.

ALaughAMinute Fri 10-Jul-15 19:30:42

Thank you Deck,

Sounds like you had a terrible time - poor you!

What do you mean he was forced out? How did you get him out?

deckthehallswithdesperation Fri 10-Jul-15 22:32:35

Mixture of child protection/police & having a poorly dc needing to come home from hospital. In the end the person he listened to was his own lawyer but he went under duress & he thinks its only temporary. He said Arnie style 'I'll be back'. He wants the house/the kids/the £ - everything.

mrsdavidbowie Fri 10-Jul-15 22:37:33

Recognise the ,burst the blood vessel expression
Ex h went through every emotion..he tried to treat me as a failed business venture ( his words) but the anger and bitterness overcame him.
He would rant at me and be incensed that I would not rise..just made disinterested comments such as " that's an interesting point of view" or " I think you should see the doctor".

Donatello68 Fri 10-Jul-15 23:44:34

My STBXH went into complete denial. He ignored both the solicitors letter and the court papers. When I spoke to him about it, he threatened suicide/would have a heart attack from the stress. I had to get a deemed service in the end to keep process going. When he received the letter from the courts advising him of the decree nisi application, he was in shock and said that he couldn't believe that I wanted a divorce. I did feel quite cheated that he didn't react to the initial papers. It had taken me so many years to pluck up the courage to go ahead with it.

Keep going 'Alaugh' - you can do it!!

Balders74 Fri 10-Jul-15 23:56:21

My STBXH is in complete denial. When he got the solicitors letter he didn't talk to me for a week. Fortunately he had moved out by then so it wasn't a problem. Then he turned up one day right as rain as if nothing was happening.

He is now ignoring the mediation people & my attempts to find out what he is playing at.

I had put it on the back burner but I'm going to get pushing the mediation & solicitors on Monday to get things moving.

He has also said our split came completely out of the blue for him, which just amazes me. He obviously thought his behaviour was acceptable & I would just put up with it.

Be prepared for a mood change at the drop of a hat!

ALaughAMinute Sat 11-Jul-15 14:36:03

Deck, sounds like you're having a really tough time with your H. Can't believe he says he wants everything. What a bastard! Good job the law is on your side. Stay strong, better times are ahead. flowers

MrsDavid, my H is cutting the grass at the moment and he still looks as if he's about to burst a blood vessel. I can see him through the window and his face is all red and angry. The good news is he's not saying anything but I will take a tip from you and not to rise to the bait if he does.

Don, ignoring the divorce papers is one of my worst fears. I hope to God my H doesn't do that! What's a deemed service? Did it cost you a lot of money? I hope for your sake it's all sorted now, it sounds a nightmare!

Balders, OMG, another one in complete denial, is this common I wonder? I'm amazed at these men that think the split comes out of the blue. I'm half wondering if that's what my H is thinking, but I don't know because the bastard's not saying anything.

I am trying to prepare myself for a sudden mood change because every one I speak to says I should expect the worst! shock

Good luck on Monday, hope all goes well for you.

Granville72 Sat 11-Jul-15 15:56:35

Why wait for him to arrange the handyman? If things need doing then make the calls and get them done, you don't need to wait for him to arrange for these things.

Take control of it.

The sooner you get the house on the market the better, selling a house is a long old drawn out process these days. Get it moving

Sleepsoftly Sat 11-Jul-15 16:03:39

Sleeping tiger.

There may, or may not be, an emotional storm. It could be he is gathering his strength to shaft you in other ways, particularly financially. Some people plot like that, as if its a war and you don't give your enemy the plans. Depends on the character of the man.

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