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Help me get laid :)

(38 Posts)
TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 09-Jul-15 20:50:13

Right. Been single nearly a year now and in sexless marriage for a good while before that.

I haven't got time to invest in a relationship (i mean literally, could perhaps make time for someone once a month) but I really, really miss physical intimacy, and the rose-tinted, singing in the shower view of the world that comes from good sex and feeling desirable.

Anyone ever had a friends-with-benefits type thing? Or tried a dating website? I signed up to Guardian Soulmates but it all seems a bit worthy & serious there.

It's difficult to get out & mingle as a lone parent, I tend only to see colleagues, school parents, family and a few girlfriends who are all settled in relationships.

Doesn't help that my self-confidence is on the low side.

any advice anyone?

60sname Thu 09-Jul-15 20:53:07


brokenhearted55a Thu 09-Jul-15 20:54:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nevergoingtolearn Thu 09-Jul-15 20:56:01

I agree with broken, I have done it several times and it always ends badly, it's fun to begin with but feelings always get in the way.

twattock Thu 09-Jul-15 20:56:05

Soulmates worked for me...i posted recipes every week. I met some really lovely people some of whom were kind enough to have sex with me.

Keepingsecrecy Thu 09-Jul-15 20:57:10

Careful of FWB unless you can truly separate sex from feelings

Georgethesecond Thu 09-Jul-15 20:57:29

What am I missing.....?

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 09-Jul-15 20:58:41

Ah I suppose getting hurt is a risk... I can't really remember what "casual" might look like so I need to think about that.

Is "posting recipes every week" a euphemism or some dating site etiquette that I don't yet understand?!

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 09-Jul-15 21:00:36

Maybe I don't want FWB exactly then...

I want someone who might be up for meeting on a rare night sans kids, having some romance and fun... and then leaving me alone!

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 09-Jul-15 21:01:27

(I don't want the "friends" bit I mean... just the benefits!)

goddessofsmallthings Thu 09-Jul-15 21:06:30

You don't need a FWB - what you want is a fuck buddy and they're not hard to find.

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 09-Jul-15 21:11:45

Yes that sounds about right.

But where and how? I honestly don't know where to start. And asking for one on a dating website seems a bit risky & presumptuous.

CheeseBored Thu 09-Jul-15 21:19:26

It will be very easy to find someone willing to shag you senseless. Very easy. Too easy. Be judicious.

I also want to know about the recipes. Is this where.I'm going wrong??

CheeseBored Thu 09-Jul-15 21:20:18

Try okcupid
You can answer lots of sex questions on there, which will put a signal out. Its free.

romeomorningwhisky Thu 09-Jul-15 21:22:20

There's no such thing as casual sex these days.
Sadly !
I'm finding instead of men thinking with their penises like the good old days they have feelings & emotions & stuff.
I don't like it !

Goodbetterbest Thu 09-Jul-15 21:48:40

You need to take a lover. I highly recommend it.

Committed, exclusive, sex-based, but do nice things with. Lots of daytime sex, some hotel sex and the odd weekend away. I met someone on GSM.

Mind you, those pesky feelings have started to creep in. That wasn't in the fucking plan.

CheeseBored Thu 09-Jul-15 21:57:42

I don't know good I think that's muddying the waters a bit. I say avoid overnight stays and def not hotel breaks
Basically you need a friend, someone you like and get on with, but not too much. Have You any nice unattached male friends OP? Also, if feelings do intrude, back away.

ChilliAndMint Thu 09-Jul-15 22:06:08

Get your arse on POF. Most of the blokes just after a quick shag.( hence I am no longer on that site)

TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 09-Jul-15 22:06:28

What's GSM, Good?

I don't think I know any unattached men that have that sort of potential TBH. But then I don't socialise much.

UncertainSmile Thu 09-Jul-15 22:46:17

I know someone who put herself as just available for dating on POF. Men know what that means, and she got what she wanted.

FolkGirl Thu 09-Jul-15 22:52:17

Oh I love fwb type set ups! I've had 3 now and I'm still really good friends with all of them.

Like you say, friendship, sex, affection, intimacy but without any of the hassle of feelings.

I'd love to have a proper, long term relationship like other people have, but I'm realising I'm just not cut out for it.

Fwbs, though, are fab!

readingtoomuchintoit Thu 09-Jul-15 23:58:21

Like you say, friendship, sex, affection, intimacy but without any of the hassle of feelings.

Aren't affection and intimacy the same as feelings confused - genuine question.

ChristinaTweet Fri 10-Jul-15 00:23:10

agreed reading even friendship involves some feelings doesn't it?! I mean... sex is usually better with feelings rather than without anyway

Goodbetterbest Fri 10-Jul-15 07:36:27

GSM = guardian Soulmates


Goodbetterbest Fri 10-Jul-15 07:44:23

I think you can have intimacy and affection but the key is not to stay with that person for too long, because then feelings can seep in and confuse it all.

The key, however, is chemistry. I think you know pretty quickly, if not instantly, if there is chemistry there.

GSM can be hard work - apparently the good ones get 'snapped up' and they were very polite and a bit bloody slow quite frankly. There's also a very slow turnover, so it's the same people all the time.

OKCupid was ok - had some good chats. POF was annoying.

I signed up for each for one month. Came off OKC and POF after 3 weeks because I lost interest. I paid for GSM (half-price, they always have offers) so stayed a bit longer on there. I think if you don't do these things in small chunks it can possibly get a bit soul destroying.

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