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30 days NC - but have just found a file with loads of his official documents in... What should I do?

(24 Posts)
ohlamour Thu 09-Jul-15 19:27:26

I've received some amazing support for a thread a wrote '3 weeks NC... I still want him'. I'm very proud to have made it this far. However this evening I was rooting around by my computer & found a folder with all his official documents in: car reg certificate, birth certificate, divorce/marriage (2nd marriage - yep, what a player :/ ) etc etc. it's totally set me back! I'm annoyed at myself because my first thought was 'brilliant - he'll have to come & get them. I'd better text...' Of course after much talking to myself I didn't contact him... But what should I do? He really will need them. However he was horrible to me in the end & I've got this far without contacting him (despite every single bone in my body wanting to, every single say!). My head is saying to just hold on to them, wait til he realises & then I will deal with it. I'm so pissed off at myself that my first reaction was excitement that I might get to see him again. It wouldn't be the right thing & I just want to move on. Help!

oabiti Thu 09-Jul-15 19:30:37

Definitely wait until he asks for them and maybe, perhaps, post them to him?

Lweji Thu 09-Jul-15 19:31:16

Why were they in a folder in your computer?

I'd probably set up a separate email account, send the files to him, then delete the files and the account.

andthenagain Thu 09-Jul-15 19:32:05

I would wait for him to miss it.
Don't go making contact after doing so well. However if you want shot of it can you ask someone to contact him for you and to arrange handover by a third party.
Whatever you do do NOT contact him

DoreenLethal Thu 09-Jul-15 19:33:11

Why were they in a folder in your computer?

BY my computer.

OP - pop them in an envelope and send them to him. Or drop them to his mum's. Or whatever. Just don't make contact yourself.

ohlamour Thu 09-Jul-15 19:35:02

Lweji: it was a proper folder with all original docs in it. He had them here from when he renewed his car tax on my computer. We didn't live together but he spent most of his time here, hence they were by the computer under some of my bits smile

Lweji Thu 09-Jul-15 19:35:05

Yes, sorry.

I'd just send them and get rid.

Janette123 Thu 09-Jul-15 19:52:57

Personally I would leave them where they are, it's up to him to make arrangements to get them.
You are not responsible for anything he does or doesn't do.

DisillusionedGoat Thu 09-Jul-15 20:09:31

Post them back (recorded delivery), take to his mother's, or post them (by hand) through his door when you know he is not there. Don't play 'come and get them' And don't over think it. You've moved on. He is nothing to you.

cozietoesie Thu 09-Jul-15 20:11:47

I'd send them to him but without a nice covering note or comment. You're still fragile and all of those documents sounds as if they might be needed at different times - so giving him the need to contact you at different times and for different reasons. That's a big ask for you to be strong enough to deal with each one for umpty months ahead if you do nothing right now.

Glad that you're reasonably OK by the way. You're doing so well.

Anon4Now2015 Thu 09-Jul-15 20:15:40

Don't hold on to them - in doing that you're just holding put an excuse for contact.

Post them to him, recorded delivery, with no note. Or better yet give them a friend and ask them to do it.

ohlamour Thu 09-Jul-15 20:28:47

Thank you so much all your very sage advice! He doesn't have any family here so that's a no & my friends don't think much of him after the way he's been to me.

Just one thing crossed my mind - we had a weekend away booked in Aug, booked on my c card, non refundable (of course!). Should I offer the docs & ask for half the cost that I'm going to be hit for??? (About £200)

Cozie: thanks for your continued support! I haven't cried today smile.

DisillusionedGoat Thu 09-Jul-15 20:32:17

Sorry they are separate matters. And if you start dialogue with him it will get nasty.

cozietoesie Thu 09-Jul-15 20:33:54

Personally, I'd take the hit on my card. The danger of entering into negotiations/having contact about it is too real and present for you to handle I suspect.

Not crying, eh? That's really good. smile See - you're improving day by day.

Lweji Thu 09-Jul-15 20:35:52

Can't you still go on the weekend and take a friend, or even by yourself?

Is it hotel and flights?

Gobbolinothewitchscat Thu 09-Jul-15 20:37:27

Send them by recorded delivery to him

No covering note etc

Joysmum Thu 09-Jul-15 20:37:46

I agree with the others you need to take control to ensure there's no contact. Post the docs if there's no mutual friend that could pass them on and take the hit on your CC.

notquitegrownup2 Thu 09-Jul-15 20:37:58

Re the weekend away - do you have a friend you could take along and still go and enjoy the time away?

ohlamour Thu 09-Jul-15 20:41:14

I think you are right - I'm really not mentally ready to cope with any bad confrontation. In my head i had written it off, so i guess i will just take it. It, obviously (from some of the threads on here!), could have been a lot worse re £££...
I've offered the weekend to my parents, who've been so supportive. Its a hotel in the uk & we had an amazing time there together last year, so i really didn't want to go back without him.

brokenhearted55a Thu 09-Jul-15 20:43:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sleepsoftly Thu 09-Jul-15 20:46:24

I can't contextualise what you are saying in terms of relevance of financial information.

If you are married and divorcing then take copies of everything, including any little receipts. If you are single and have parted with no financial involvement then ask him where to post them to.

ohlamour Thu 09-Jul-15 20:52:05

Sorry for not being clear Sleepsoftly: we weren't married, i called it a day & cut contact. But found these things of his tonight, coupled with the fact I've paid for us to go away in Aug & was wanting his half. But thanks to v wise mn ladies i will not do that! I've come so far & don't want to go back to square one smile.

Sleepsoftly Thu 09-Jul-15 21:00:45

I don't think you can ask for the £200. You booked it together, you called it off. Life is not perfect. Walk away from it. Post his docs back to him, don't enclose a note, ignore any texts he sends to thank you.

Keep moving forward. Kisses and hugs to you.

ohlamour Thu 09-Jul-15 21:04:30

Thanks Sleeping! I appreciate that x

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