Deep Breath
I know I'm in for a flaming and so be it. I deserve it.
A little while back I met a guy. We clicked, shared the same tastes in things etc. He told me he was single. We had the same sexual fantasies (not mainstream) and at the beginning a lot of it was sex talk. We live a fair distance from each other, so it was conducted via text with photos and videos swapped.
After we'd been chatting for about a month, he confessed to me that he was falling for me. There was just one thing, and that was that his ex wasn't actually his ex and he was married.
By this point I had fallen for him. I know it was wrong. I knew then that it was wrong. He told me he hadn't had any sexual contact with his wife for a long time, aside from when they were TTC. I believe this to be true, as he spent so much time talking to me that it would leave very little window. I was gobsmacked and didn't really know how to respond. We had well and truly fallen for each other by this point and had plans to meet up already. He said he couldn't meet up with me without being honest.
So we met up. The chemistry was unreal, the sex was incredible. I’m a horrible sort of person because although I always felt guilty, I could always manage to compartmentalise it and shut it out. We spoke about our partners in nothing but high regard, and both firmly said that neither of us wanted to leave our partners, we were both looking for sexual fulfilment. I think because of the amount of time we spent talking, feelings grew and we did say we loved each other. He was so attentive, loving and affectionate and I become to crave it. He told me I was beautiful, which I have never experienced before.
We met up a few times, but most of it was done by phone.
A few days ago his wife found his phone and read the messages.
I feel sick to my stomach over how stupid we’ve been and the hurt I’ve caused his wife. I wish I could take it all back and make it all right. I never wanted him to lose his family and really hope that he manages to make ammends with his wife, and perhaps work on the issues that were there.
Very selfishly of me I know, but it is killing me that we never got the chance to say goodbye. He’s been a huge part of my life for a while, and we formed a great friendship too. I wish we had formed the friendship first and kept to that. I have never been through a break up before, and I miss him. I know I have no right to feel the way I do. I’m just so sorry for what has happened and trying to tell myself that its right we don’t speak again. But its hard. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I'm the most horrible person in the world but I'm hurting
ImAnAwfulAwfulperson · 09/07/2015 12:27
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