Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I tell his ex?

(15 Posts)
shallItellher Thu 09-Jul-15 09:28:19

Met a nice guy, we started off as friends. Then he wanted more, I wasn't sure but he pursued me very heavily. I did like him so agreed to a relationship. He did used to talk about his ex a lot but reassured me he didn't want her back.

Anyway he dumped me the first time after we had sex. He told me he wanted his ex back. In the meantime he has taken up with someone else and lots of pictures of the two of them all over Facebook talking about late night phonecalls and that they only have eyes for each other.

I am feeling really used and angry about the whole thing, I am tempted to tell his ex. He still wants her back but he uses other women while waiting for to change her mind. Shall I tell her or leave things alone?

RagingJellyBean Thu 09-Jul-15 09:32:42

Are you 12?

DancingLadyEmoji Thu 09-Jul-15 09:37:24

Well, he seems like a nice guy...

I wouldn't bother telling the ex unless she is a friend of yours. I had a situation like this when I was younger & the ex didn't thank me for telling her. The guy was a total knob & deceptive, a bit like yours I imagine

Move on from this loser, don't get involved in any drama.


molyholy Thu 09-Jul-15 09:39:18

I would just move on.

DragonWithAGirlTattoo Thu 09-Jul-15 09:45:32

no - i would want to, and would possibly write letters in my mind, but i would advise chalking it up as an experience and try to move on

yes its fine to be very pissed off, he's acted like an arse, but at least he didnt lead you on for years and years and then fuck off back to his ex

What would you gain from telling the ex?

shallItellher Thu 09-Jul-15 09:50:12

He says she is the love of his life, he wants to commit to her, she is the one etc

I guess she gets to find out what he is really like and doesn't end up hurt like me

PatriciaHolm Thu 09-Jul-15 10:01:41

Of course she's going to be hurt if you tell her.

That's if she believes a word of it, which i suspect is unlikely.

You'd be doing it to get revenge on him, not to make her life better, be honest with yourself. It won't make you feel any better.

shallItellher Thu 09-Jul-15 10:03:08

It is revenge if I am honest

DancingLadyEmoji Thu 09-Jul-15 10:05:24

Well, don't do it then. I know you're pissed off, but you won't be doing yourself any favours. I told the ex & don't feel good about it. Wish I had walked away.

susiedaisy Thu 09-Jul-15 10:09:45

Unless the ex is a good friend I would leave well alone

Anniegetyourgun Thu 09-Jul-15 10:42:06

I think she already knows what he's like, which is why she isn't dating him any more.

If he genuinely does want her back he should tell her so himself, not tell every woman he sees in the hope that it'll get back to her hmm However, I suspect it's not about her at all really; she's just the excuse he uses to dump the next girlfriend and the next and the next. If she were to invite him back tomorrow he wouldn't know what to do, as he might have to give up the serial pursuing/shagging/dumping.

Anniegetyourgun Thu 09-Jul-15 10:46:04

...just wondering, actually, how I'd react if someone were unwise enough to be going out with XH and took it upon herself to tell me he still thinks of me fondly and would love it if we got back together. I'd be fucking livid, probably. With her, not him. I know he's an idiot.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Thu 09-Jul-15 10:48:06

Well what are you going to tell her
Ha ha. I had sex with your bf when you were spilt up. Now we're all different granted but that would not bother me. If they weren't together at the time. He wasn't cheating was he.
Sorry for how you have bey treated though. I think the best or rather only thing you can do is move

Janette123 Thu 09-Jul-15 17:03:55

I feel for you and can see why you are pretty p!$$ed off.
However, please do not waste any more of your valuable time giving this nasty user of a man headspace.
Rest assured, people don't change and he'll probably do the same to her, but it's not your problem

You don't need the drama, let him carry on with his silly games. People talk and he'll soon run out of genuine girls to date.
People like this get their comeuppance eventually.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Thu 09-Jul-15 21:21:12

He is a dick. His ex dumped him. She has not taken him back. Smart woman.

He likes the chase and conquest. He got his conquest then dumped you using an excuse you couldn't argue with.

I doubt he wants her back. I doubt she would have him back. I think this is his "method" for bedding women.

He is a dick. She is not. You allowed yourself to be fooled by him. Don't be angry at her.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: