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How to change??

(5 Posts)
Happybelle21 Thu 09-Jul-15 00:21:59

I have been with my DP for almost 8 years now we have one DC and another on the way.

I am so confused + frustrated. My relationship with DP has had its ups and downs. He has always been controlling and would question everything when I went out. We did seperate for a short period due to this previously but he promised he had changed, and begged us to try again. So I wanted too.
I do love him and really want to keep my family togther but feel he makes this difficult. When the relationship was going great we discussed having our second DC and we were so excited for this. Since I told him I was pregnant it's like someone turned a switch and he has completely changed. He barley shows me any affection unless he wants sex. Otherwise he is very cold no cuddles even when watching TVa or kiss goodbye ect. He won't help around the house and if I ask it turns into an argument. For example the other day I cleared out all my old clothes and asked him to take bags of clothes to the bin that were very heavy but he ran off to work so I had to do it. He doesn't show any interest in the fact I'm pregnant at all and I'm carrying his child.
Money has been a big issue recently too and it's causing differences between us, I'm working a lot of over time to help us out and I feel he doesn't appreciate this. I already work full time in a demanding job.

Sorry for the big rant I find it hard to tell friends and family as I don't want it to change there opinions of him.
I am unsure whether I carry on hoping things improve. I just don't understand why he has changed he said he really wanted another DC. Now I just feel stupid.
Thanks for listening

Crunchybadger Thu 09-Jul-15 00:37:25

Sounds awful, hope you are OK. Don't feel stupid: he's the one who effectively lied to you. All you did was to believe him.

One thing that really struck me: you don't want to talk to friends and family because it'll change their opinion of him. Why's that a problem? He's behaving like a tool, you're pregnant and need help: why not seek support? Why hide his dirty little secret that he's behaving badly despite claiming he wanted another kid? The shame is his. He is also controlling so no doubt he doesn't want you to talk to them. Well, tough. You need support and he can't be bothered to give it to you. Get it elsewhere.

It's also worrying that you're pregnant, work FT and do all the house stuff sad. Is there no way he can work more to take pressure off you? Can you survive financially without him?

Did you set any ground rules when he begged to come back and claimed he'd changed? Can you talk to him now, set those rules as a bare min. for him staying? How is he with DC1? Figure out what you want and need then seek help to get it. If what you need is for him not to be an arse then you need to look at leaving him: people don't tend to change.

Hope you are OK.

onemorerose Thu 09-Jul-15 02:05:54

Seems to me that when you know a relationship isn't great you try might be trying to hide that aspect from your nearest and dearest.
I hope it's just a blip

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Thu 09-Jul-15 09:18:48

Tell everyone. That might shame him into action. It might stop you from fooling yourself that everything is fine when it isn't. People will support you. As a PP said, it is him that should feel ashamed, not you.

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable Thu 09-Jul-15 09:19:25

And set up an emergency savings pot that only you have access to.

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