I've been trying to divorce stbxh for the last few months and its going very slowly. He's been arrested for domestic violence twice, but both times was let off. And he mega talked the female police officers round, and she recommended to me - we just need some relationship counselling!
Things are getting worse and I'm sure he's learned his lesson for the time being to keep his distance, but he's doing crazy financial control. He's keeping his money out of the joint account (I'm not working at the moment) and he's refusing to pay the nursery bill, (2 mornings a week) meaning I won't even be able to look for work as I won't have any childcare.
But what is getting to me the most is the harassment. He is in my face constantly from 6pm till midnight, threatening and belittling me. Tonight I went into the bathroom at 10pm to have a bath, and he kept up his diatribe outside the door for a whole hour and was waiting for me when I got out.
It is psychological torture, as I am still breast feeding my baby, so I only get snatches of downtime before the baby wakes up. And he was deliberately ruining it for me.
I had my phone on me and I wondered if I should have texted my friend to call 101 and report harassment? I am flagged by the police as high-alert and last time they arrived within seconds. Anyway I chickened out, but I wondered if that is something that would be reasonable to do?
I'm going to phone women's aid tomorrow to talk about it in any case
Yes call the police re harassment. The call is recorded so if he is at your door abusing you, the call is used as evidence. You can also report the harassment after it happens if you want to.
Without knowing the circumstances I'm not sure why no action was taken previously but if this is ongoing, you need to start documenting any incidents.
Call women's aid, they will provide you with plenty of advice. Also call the National Centre for Domestic Violence (ncdv), you can get a restraining order and if you are not in work I think it is free.
There is plenty of help out there, you need to use it.
Thanks all, I think I've missed the moment now. I was so drained the next day I didn't do anything. Last time I phoned the police a day late they gave me a hard time for not reporting the incident immediately.
I will phone my women's aid supporter on Monday to talk about it.
When he is threatening me he is saying 'I'm going to cancel the nursery' not 'I'm going to beat you up'
So I just imagine when the police come he will calmly explain that we have run out of money and can't afford childcare if I'm not working. Then I'll try and explain the consequences of cancelling nursery, and it will just sound like a petty argument.
I did try to record him on my phone but the bloody thing had run out of storage. And I couldn't fix it by managing settings.
H is away at moment, but when he comes back the divorce petition is waiting for him. If he causes trouble I'll know I can call 101 then
You need to make some contingency plans for yourself. He is withholding money at the moment and probably will continue to do so. You cannot be sure he will pay any maintenance etc for DCs. You need to figure out plan B and Plan C if for example he does stop paying the nursery fees.
If you are still living in the same house, I think one for your should move out. This will also make it easier for you tomclaim benefits to help pay for nursery etc.