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Not coping with partner leaving me....

(62 Posts)
Tanyalouise30 Wed 08-Jul-15 17:59:59

Hi, any advice support please.
My partner left me a week ago. Long story short we were at a family bbq on the Sunday he got out of control drunk and on the way home on the train he started flipping out on me accusing me of being a cheat . For the record I have never cheated and never even thought about it, it's not something that I would do. Anyway, he was very aggressive on the train and was threatening me saying he will "find him" and torture him and a death will be on my hands, then used his head to push mine against a window and spat in my face... All in front of my daughter and his sister.

Went to work the next day and instead of coming home to an apology which I expected I came home to him packing his bags and sticking with this accusation of cheating, I defended myself and asked who he thought id cheated with and he said he will never name names as no one would believe him and he doesn't want to be called a liar and will take it to his grave ...he's even gone as far to say my dad knows about it and has done all the time ...insane.
Obviously as u can imagine I'm devastated I knew we have had it rough the last year or so but I just never saw this coming, and I hate the way it's making me feel I'm broken and lost he won't respond to me. He's just gone out my life and grilling me about when he can see our dd and how much money I want and when he will get his stuff...

Will I feel like this forever I feel like I can't breathe with all this anxiety sad

caravanista13 Wed 08-Jul-15 18:05:05

Such appalling behaviour on his part especially in front of your DD - you should be throwing him out, not feeling upset that he's left.

circleskirt Wed 08-Jul-15 18:09:16

Sounds like he picked a ridiculous fight so he could leave, projecting his behaviour onto you perhaps. Have you asked you dad about it?

Tanyalouise30 Wed 08-Jul-15 18:16:52

I totally agre his behaviour was appalling and to be honest when it comes to drink it's not the first time he's acted is way,,,

My dad actually texted him and asked what was going on and his reply was "you tell me , I know you know" of course my dad called him straight after and it didn't end well because he called him a liar and didn't want to speak about it...

I'm just so upset and can't believe he's chose to leave this way, he has said in a text even without the cheating (drives me mad every time he still refers to it as being true) we haven't been happy for a while... Just feel like I can't cope with all this right now and still put on a smile for my dd and work etc

Twinklestein Wed 08-Jul-15 18:25:06

Good riddance to bad rubbish.

circleskirt Wed 08-Jul-15 18:26:01

Please make it very clear to your daughter that you must never let anyone treat you this way. He's dangerous and disgusting.

LovelyFriend Wed 08-Jul-15 18:30:37

I bet he has been unfaithful and is projecting his bad behaviour onto you. Tosser a with the emotional depth of a puddle tend to do this.

I'm sorry this is a shock to you op but I can't help but think you will soon realise how great it is to be out if your relationship with this guy.

Hope you get there before he changes tack and tries to get you to take him back.

Tanyalouise30 Wed 08-Jul-15 18:31:43

I did we spoke about what she saw and although she seemed okay can't imagine how she felt at the time...

He says to me about doing a lie detector test, do u think I should consider that. Although I feel too hurt that he's gone as far to leave me over a thought he's had without telling me why he thinks that.
He went to Australia for 4 weeks in January to visit his best friend and yet I'm the Cheater... I've always listed to him when I've needed to bring worries to the table re girls yet he's not giving me the time of day

Nolim Wed 08-Jul-15 18:39:06

What an arse. You dont have to pass a lie detector just get away from him.

DrElizabethPlimpton Wed 08-Jul-15 18:40:21

I think you have had a very lucky escape - though I'm not sure you will agree with me for a while.

I agree with pps. He is reflecting his behaviour onto you and making it appear to people that you are the guilty party. I think this is a very calculated move that needed alcohol to be played out.

Keep strong and hold you head up high. Don't beg him for anything, he isn't worth it and you won't get any where. He wants you to be the scarlet woman and he can't be seen coming back to you as that would make him look like a cuckold. I'm sorry you are going through this.

circleskirt Wed 08-Jul-15 18:40:52

In the nicest possible way Tanya I have to ask, Are You Mad?

He spat in your face, there's no coming back from that. Do you mean that he wants you to do a lie detector test? And you're considering it?

Fucking Hell, and I don't swear usually.

Tanyalouise30 Wed 08-Jul-15 18:42:04

I'm so worried about "sharing" our dd, the thought of her going off on a weekend with him makes me feel sick. It's always been me and her is this something that I'll get used to and will she want to come back to me..

Sorry prob sound like a crazy woman

patienceisvirtuous Wed 08-Jul-15 18:42:42

No I definitely don't think you should do a lie detector.

He sounds like a very unpleasant character. Use this board for some support OP and move on without him. Life will become much nicer for you.

Tanyalouise30 Wed 08-Jul-15 18:43:33

Thank you, I must add that he says that he isn't going to tell anyone about what I've done...another reason why this makes no sense to me

Tanyalouise30 Wed 08-Jul-15 18:44:42

Thank u for all your replies sometimes hearing this is just what I need to feel stronger

Notgrumpyjustquiet Wed 08-Jul-15 19:01:34

Forget the lie detector, that's a ridiculous idea. Forget justifying yourself to him or trying to figure out what his problem is. Get yourself to the CAB or a family solicitor (find one who will give you half an hour first appointment for free) and take some proper advice. They will help you determine a reasonable access arrangement in respect of your kids. And change the locks.


Janette123 Wed 08-Jul-15 19:10:44

Your husband is an abusive bully.

Please take all steps you can to protect your kids by seeing a solicitor, getting an injunction, reporting this to the police - you have his sister as a witness - and file for divorce.

I am sorry that this is happening to you. I suspect another woman may be on the scene - sorry. flowers

rumred Wed 08-Jul-15 19:15:21

How vile. You must have been really shaken by what happened. God knows how awful it was for your daughter.

What do your friends and family think of this prince amongst men?

Tarn2011 Wed 08-Jul-15 19:24:22

He's not my husband, we've been together 7 years but never got married maybe I should be thankful for that.
My family are glad that this happened and my friends are relived, I never realised what they really thought till now..

I can't say that I am entitled innocent in this relationship, I've been guilty to not trying maybe as hard as I could of. Or really seen how unhappy he was as well as myself.
Is this normal to think this way ? I think it's the shock of us actually splitting that I haven't accepted yet as I still love him

maras2 Wed 08-Jul-15 19:48:10

This type of yampie paranoia often happens to heavy dope smokers.Is he a stoner as well as a nasty drunk?Whatever,you're better off without him.Don't even contemplate pandering to his ravings < lie detector my arse >.This piece of shit spat in your face.Keep remembering this whenever you start to think about taking him back,because believe you me he will soon be begging and snivelling for forgiveness.Stay strong for your daughter's sake as well as your own.

Smorgasboard Wed 08-Jul-15 19:50:18

I take it your DD is his too, yet it's always been 'you and DD'. Good father much? Formed a bond has he? Apart from abusing you, there is other crap behaviour I'd guess, or maybe it's witnessing the abuse over the years that is making you so close. Wave Bye Bye, then have a better life, what a nasty piece of work he is. Who also, most likely, has been the unfaithful one.

Tarn2011 Wed 08-Jul-15 20:33:06

He always worked and worked a lot of the weekend so dd was always with me wherever I went and I think I just got used to it being that way. My dd adores her dad she really does, so I wouldn't want to take that away from her but she seems to of coped really well with him not being here so far, I mean no questions etc I assume that's because he was always working before..

I had a mc three months ago, is it normal for a guy to expect sexual favours when a woman is going thru this? To be short I bled for nearly 4 weeks which fell on his bday and he said that I should of "sorted him out" in other ways if I couldn't have sex... I mean I was bleeding and still getting over it all and he only thought of that ....

Tarn2011 Wed 08-Jul-15 20:34:34

And I do think he's cheated your right

bigbumbrunette Wed 08-Jul-15 20:59:48

I'm so sorry you've gone through that. He sounds like a vile excuse of a man. I'm sure there are plenty more stories you have too. It doesn't seem like it now but you really are better off without him. I do think he's projecting his guilt onto you and I think he's done you a huge favour.

Tarn2011 Wed 08-Jul-15 21:01:38

Thank you hope to feel that way soon..

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