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Losing your self-worth in a relationship and how to not let it happen again...

(4 Posts)
makingyourlove Wed 08-Jul-15 09:48:48

In my last relationship, I started to feel like I didn't know who I was anymore. I think partly because exDP was very selfish, but also because I don't put myself first very often.

I have recently met a lovely, lovely guy. However, I also thought my exDP was a lovely guy for the first few months!!! I do feel this new man is different in many ways - for one he definitely seems to understand me better and he makes me laugh in a way I have never felt before with any exDP.

I am falling for him fast, and I don't want the same thing to happen. Do you think that it's the other person who can contribute to low self-esteem (ie if this guyis more decent than my ex, perhaps I wont have the same problem), or are there things I should be doing from the word go, like now, to make sure I never stop putting myself first and making sure I dont totally lose myself in someone?

I have a good job, lots of friends and I am generally happy. With my ex towards the end, I never knew where I stood and I felt so anxious hearing from him as I knew it would be another drama/lie etc. I should have left sooner than I did. I would like to think this guy is different, but you never know do you...

FredaMayor Wed 08-Jul-15 10:08:14

OP, you are apprehensive because of your relationship history, and that is understandable. But you have a clean slate in your new relationship, and from what you say no reason to foretell doom. Allow yourself to relax, take things slowly and don't focus at this stage on your new DP being the only important thing in your life. That way I believe the progress of this new relationship won't go faster than you are comfortable with.

ohlamour Wed 08-Jul-15 10:28:23

I felt exactly the same in my last relationship. I'm going see a hypnotherapist next week to work out why I allow myself to get lost in relationships (it's a habit of mine sadly), as I can't bear gor it to happen again. I too hung on for longer than I should have & the result is damAged self esteem & feeling shit...

hellsbellsmelons Wed 08-Jul-15 10:33:20

Contact Womens Aid a enrol on their Freedom Programme.
Attend in person if you can or you can do it on-line.

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