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Can't decide what's for the best?

(8 Posts)
tasha24x Wed 08-Jul-15 09:32:36

I have posted in here many of times, to cut a long story short I had what you may call an emotional affair? Like a slap in the face Irealised what I had done, didn't tell my partner for 2 years afer the advice of family & friends then last October I told him the truth whilst away on holiday as I couldn't live with the guilt and anxiety any longer. There were reasons why this happened, new baby,he was out all the time etc & I ran away with the attention before I knew it. Anyway he has since forgiven me & to be honest we get on better than ever. I have been to concealing, I'm on anti depressants & have juto finished a mindfulness course as I struggle with the guilt constantly & wish I could turn back time. To this day a thought of a night away or a holiday panics me as I always used to panic before he didn't know, I like being home & in 'my comfort zone'.

Anyway on Saturday I found I was pregnant. I have wanted another baby for ages & it has caused massive rows between me & my partner, now it's here I'm so upset & my partner has taken it fine actually. I feel bad for feeling bad about it, I worry how I'll cope mentally being pregnant & have started again thinking about what I did etc. I've been on 40mg citalopram & can't imagine not being on them (as selfish as it may sound) I'm anxious constantly & can't eat. I worry that if I was to have an abortion I'd regret it though? So confused, just wanted some advice please. Be gentle.

FredaMayor Wed 08-Jul-15 09:38:19

I think RL support is important for you right now. From what you say you have a tendency to bottle things up, but because you would benefit from ongoing support could you consider confiding in someone that you know and trust?

molyholy Wed 08-Jul-15 09:44:05

Your husband has forgiven you for you emotional affair. You really need to forgive yourself. I second what Freda has said. You need to talk with someone you can totally open up to flowers

tasha24x Wed 08-Jul-15 09:46:50

I have confided in two friends & my mum who says she thinks it's too soon as I wouldn't mentally cope & I'm still on anti depressants etc. I'm very torn at the moment because I feel like if I have an abortion I'm only doing it cause I worry I won't cope & to be honest will I ever be guilt free & not worry, I highly doubt it. It hadn't been a year since I told him so I do also worry if it's still early days?

molyholy Wed 08-Jul-15 09:50:24

What do your friends think?

tasha24x Wed 08-Jul-15 09:52:26

They know what im like so understand why I worry. They say I'm too hard on myself. ( I did only kiss the other guy a few times) and say the things about holidays & nights away may just take time not to worry about . I get annoyed at myself cause I feel like If I do have an abortion I'll blame myself cause of me being the way I am c

FredaMayor Wed 08-Jul-15 09:58:33

OP, support from your DM and two friends is good. Talk to your GP about taking antidepressants during pregnancy because that raises issues that you should consider in your decision making about your future.

molyholy Wed 08-Jul-15 10:00:01

Yes, make an appointment with your GP as soon as possible for practical advice.

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