Ok so its been almost a year since I posted on here...I caught my husband cheating. A lot has happened since then, we worked hard and piecing our lives back together.
My relationship with my inlaws is non existent, to them I don't exist (for reasons that I wont go into and bore you with) - but I've accepted that I'm not part of their lives and have spent the last year, being civil, not interfering, allowing regular access to the children etc etc.....I've just sat in the background.
At the beginning of February I was hit out the blue with divorce papers, on the grounds of unreasonable behavior. My husband stood and lied to my face telling me he didn't instruct a divorce he simply went along for some advice, as we'd hit a rocky patch........this has gone back and forth for months, to the point that he was to return a revised petition a couple of weeks ago. In all of this I'd point out that he's continued to tell me he loves me, that this isn't what he wants and that he knows he needs to sort himself out.
So a couple of weeks ago we decided to work on things properly. We've been doing really well. I told him that I couldn't face the prospect of papers just arriving on my doorstep and that if he really wanted to proceed that was fine, but we needed to be adult about it and deal with things properly for the sake of the children. I also asked him not to play games as I was stressing that he was only being nice because it was our DS birthday at the weekend. He promised that wasn't the case.
So............still keeping up!........you can imagine the heartbreak all over again when last night when I asked what he was doing about the papers, as I had asked him to put things on hold, he informed me he returned them to his solicitor all signed and sealed.........the reason........I've finally got to the bottom of it...........his parents are making him choose between them and me. They're paying for the divorce and they're leading it!! - Aside from the obvious conversation that then happened (with me telling him how ridiculous that was at his age) I fail to understand how grown adults think thats the way to deal with things.
I'd point out this couple have 5 grandchildren, two of which are DDs of mine (technically not theirs) and they only now speak to my youngest DS.......They've cut my DDs out of their lives, and have cut their other two grandsons out........whats wrong with these people, and why is it so hard for DH to stand up and say "you know what, I'm not choosing, I love you both, I want to work on my marriage and still have a relationship with you as my parents separately" - am I asking too much?
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They're making him choose!!
tornandhurt · 08/07/2015 08:59
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If he wants to be married to you, but can't stop his parents making him divorce, you have to ask yourself what kind of mental state he's in that he can't say no. Do you want to be married to a man or a mouse? A sane human being or Norman Bates without the knife?
Agree with the others, never mind what words are coming out of his mouth, he's going ahead with the divorce for whatever reason so you need to get lawyered up PDQ. Maybe it's true that he doesn't want to 
but it doesn't seem to be making any difference to what he does. It's just possible he'll wake up and realise what he stands to lose before he's sleepwalked all the way to the divorce court, but you can't go on just kind of expecting it to happen.
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That's brilliant that you know how you stand financially. I'm sorry you have all this ahead of you. It sounds all the more devastating because you really seem to have thought it had blown over. Time to get angry now. 
I may be wrong but I've a feeling he has someone waiting for him and just wanted to sneak away without facing the consequences.
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