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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

I need you guys....heartbroken beyond repair.

32 replies

Lukat · 08/07/2015 03:54

So he finally dumps me...I'm broken.
totally and utterly broken
how can I make it easier for me and my girls.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 08/07/2015 03:56

I only have a few minutes but I'm here until someone comes along... What happened?

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Lukat · 08/07/2015 04:02

He bailed on us when I needed him most....he promised he would be around for us. He said he tried. ..he gave it a week..

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MrsTerryPratchett · 08/07/2015 04:05

This is the worst bit. If you can just get some sleep, look after yourself and put one foot in front of the other, you'll be fine.

Will he be there for the girls? Is he their Dad?

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GinAndFrolic · 08/07/2015 04:08

So sorry. I'm up if you need to talk more.

A week isn't long? Can you explain a bit more? How old are your kids.

Really sorry.

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Lukat · 08/07/2015 04:08

He's not thete dad no.....he came into our lives and he knew that it was a big deal to let him get close to my girls....my smallest in particular. ...She is heartbroken. why did I trust him to not hurt us?

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Lukat · 08/07/2015 04:10

My girls are 15 and 10......We had words a week ago and he said he would give us a try.....its been a great week and he says he hasn't thought about ending it once through that week....All of a sudden yesterday he ends it.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 08/07/2015 04:15

The girls will be fine as long as you are. They need to know that people get through hard stuff.

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goddessofsmallthings · 08/07/2015 04:41

Why did you agree to him giving "us a try"? What does that mean exactly? Did he move in with you?

How long have you known him and how long has he known your dds?

You've said that he's bailed when you "needed him most". Is there some important event taking place or another reason why you need him more now than at any other time?

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Lukat · 08/07/2015 04:47

He hadn't moved in with us no, I had just been put on tablets for anxiety and it's been a bit rough for me....he said he would stick around. I had a wobble and he said he would try and he gave it a week.....bit he said in that week he was happy.

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JeanSeberg · 08/07/2015 04:54

How long had you been seeing him?

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GinAndFrolic · 08/07/2015 05:03

Try and stay strong for your girls.
At this age they are old enough to understand much of what is going on.

Don't mean to ask too many questions but are you up to sharing any more detail? Have you been together long? Have things been rocky? It might help people in what advise they can give you. Really sorry, hopefully you will get good advise on here, you're obviously in a lot of distress.

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Lukat · 08/07/2015 05:07

It was 7 months...I know it's not long but I love him so much. It had only been rocky because I had a few wobbles but I was on the mend....I'm sorry for being vague....my head hurts and I just can't do this.

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GinAndFrolic · 08/07/2015 05:12

Can you go and lie down and try and sleep? The early hours make everything seem so black. There are many lovely ladies who can advise you in the morning. Put a cold wet flannel on your head, take two paracetamol and try and sleep a bit.

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Lukat · 08/07/2015 05:14

I'm just so restless and keep having panic attacks. ...I can't breath.

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MaggieJoyBlunt · 08/07/2015 05:18

Have you got a paper bag to breathe into?

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GinAndFrolic · 08/07/2015 05:20

Deep breaths. Sit with dimmed lights. Put some gentle music on. Can you call a friend or relative to come over tomorrow to hold your hand? I have to go to work shortly but will try and check in.

I'm afraid giving things 'another week' was just him delaying the inevitable. You couldn't have done anything different. I suspect he just wanted out. I'm really sorry.

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goddessofsmallthings · 08/07/2015 05:24

What does having "a wobble" mean? Did he try to end your relationship but agreed to give it a try for a week at your behest? Has it been a bit of an on/off rollercoaster with you pleading with him not to call a halt?

Whatever way you look at it, and regardless of how happy he was during that week, it seems he didn't want to commit to spending any further time with you.

While it may hurt, it's highly unlikely that your heart broken beyond repair and you've got a golden opportunity to show your dds that there's a lot more to life than having a man in it and that you can be as happy, if not happier, without him than if he was still around.

Keep taking the meds, give your poorly heart a bit of tlc over the next few days, and try not to let your dds see you wallowing over him otherwise they may come to believe that the end of a relationship is akin to the end of the world when in fact it clears the way for new, and often more enriching, experiences.

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Ouchbloodyouch · 08/07/2015 05:26

Do you have to go to work today? Is there anyone who can come and be with you?
You will get through this. Keep posting

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Lukat · 08/07/2015 05:28

I have anxiety issues and had a wobble of anxiety....does that make sense.
he says he didn't agree to try to please me he says he did it because he wanted to....The day before he finished it he held me so tight and told me he loves me so much. How can he change his mind overnight

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Ouchbloodyouch · 08/07/2015 05:29

Many of us on this board have found this topic as we have all been exactly where you are now. It does hurt dreadfully. As pp says your heart is not beyond repair. It just seems like it.

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GinAndFrolic · 08/07/2015 05:33

Good advice from goddess

You're stronger than you might think. Your heart feels broken but you will get over this. We all do despite feeling like world is crashing down. Especially as you have your DDs who need you and need a strong mum.

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NoelHeadbands · 08/07/2015 05:35

C'mon you can do this

he says he didn't agree to try to please me he says he did it because he wanted to....

What was he agreeing to?

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MaggieJoyBlunt · 08/07/2015 05:37

You looked after DDs all these years. You don't need him

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goddessofsmallthings · 08/07/2015 05:47

You may not love him as much as you believe.

If you were suffering from anxiety/panic attacks before you met him you may have clung on to him as if he was a life raft, but if this condition developed during the time you've known him it most probably indicates that you'll be better off without him.

In any event, it sounds as if you may have been coming from a place of emotional neediness in which case you would benefit from working on your self-esteem before emarking on the romantic merry-go-round again. When you were prescribed 'anti-wobble' pills, did your GP suggest you consider counselling or CBT?

Don't be your own worst enemy; you've no doubt loved and lost before and you can get through it again. Deep breaths and keep putting one foot in front of the other which, loosely translated, means concentrating on the good things you have in the present moment rather than revisiting the past or trying to second guess the future.

Presumably you didn't introduce him to your dds within days of meeting him and, as they will have only known him for a couple of months, no doubt he'll soon be distant memory for them - unless, of course, you harp on about him.

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missqwerty · 08/07/2015 10:16

For the anxiety. Google claire weeks free audios. There is about 5 free and they are amazing. If you can listen to them and practice accepting your anxiety feelings and thoughts you will get past them. I had severy anxiety for 10 years and im cured now using those audios and practicing mindfulness. Also work on your self esteem, been happy and confident in yourself. Take time to grieve the relationship and allow yourself to feel whatever emotion arises.