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Any advice helpful.. Marriage may be over

(12 Posts)
binkymum1 Tue 07-Jul-15 23:17:56

Advice needed..thanks
Married 6 years two dd's aged 10 and 7..

Things been bad for ages. H has ongoing depression and been in and out of work for the past 5 years as his industry is very precarious... Now has a new job. We do have a lot of stress financially and in debt. I'm not on the mortgage..

He's becoming very verbally aggressive and is drinking so much more that before.. He will swear at me in front of the children and tonight has called me the C word twice, for asking where my keys were (he'd fallen asleep again!!). Has been drunk and aggressive verbally in front of them.. The two of us are finding it almost impossible to talk to each other anymore.

I just don't know what to do?? I'm at my wits end and sick of crying. I'm still early 40's surely life isn't over!

I'm so so worried about the affect this will have on my daughters although eldest is aware of the current situation. They both love their dad and he is a good man, I just don't know that this is enough anymore..

Anyone been in a similar situation? Where can I get impartial free advice?

Thank you sad

Lulioli Tue 07-Jul-15 23:56:11

Hi there. I don t have much in the way of advice but I m sure mumsnetters more wise than me will be along soon. You sound in a difficult situation. Are you able to get some help through Relate? They would support you in working out what you want to do. Also they could help you to work on boundaries around your husbands treatment of you and enable you to think more clearly about the next step. Clearly name calling is unacceptable and particularly bad in front of your daughters. How awful for you. Don t take this shit any longer. Do you have RL support? Sending you ��

olgaga Tue 07-Jul-15 23:58:57

Sad for you OP. Is there somewhere you can go with the DCs at least for a while in summer hols? Hopefully others will come along soon.

Must go to bed now but thanks to you.

Morganly Wed 08-Jul-15 00:06:45

He isn't a good man and you need to get you and your children away from him.

Morganly Wed 08-Jul-15 00:09:41

Sorry, angry comment without useful advice. CAB for useful advice? Or just look at all the threads on here about how to leave an abusive relationship because that is what you are in.

Spero Wed 08-Jul-15 00:14:39

Agree with Morganly

There might be some useful info here but it is more directed for parents looking for advice in care proceedings - but there are some more general legal resources
www.childprotectionresource.org.uk/category/legal-advice/

I am sorry but I don't thin he is a good man; good men are not verbally aggressive and drunk and call their children's mother a cunt in front of their children.

I am sure they love him but I am just as sure that continuing to expose them to this will harm them and damage them for all of their lives.

If he can't stop this behaviour, you need to end the relationship and keep your children safe. I hope you can get some help. I know it is incredibly stressful and hard, but believe me it is better than the alternative, which is staying with someone who would treat you and your children like that.

olgaga Wed 08-Jul-15 08:03:11

I can't link on this android app but if you Google:

Women's Aid
NCDV
Rights of Women

You'll find lots of advice on their websites and their helpline numbers.

Sickoffrozen Wed 08-Jul-15 08:39:09

A man can still be a good dad whether with you or not.

pallasathena Wed 08-Jul-15 11:44:39

Yes, I've been there. You need to leave or get him to go. Nasty behaviour is terrifying to small children. Verbal abuse equally so. Your children are being exposed to life damaging influences. And no, he's not a good man or a good father if his behaviour is as you describe.

Focus on making a life, another life for you and your little ones. There's plenty of help available from Citizens Advice to 'Entitled To,' online.

Living the way you are could send you into a spiral of depression and anxiety and if that happens, who is going to look after your precious children? Would you trust him with them?

No, neither would I.

binkymum1 Thu 09-Jul-15 09:43:09

Thank you all for your advice..

Jan45 Thu 09-Jul-15 16:54:07

Apparently verbal abuse has a more profound affect on children's development than physical and you do know what to do OP, you will be amazed at what a relief it will be to bring up your kids in a safe, peaceful environment, not the chaos they live in, please do as suggested above, get knowledgeable and plan your exit.

ohlamour Thu 09-Jul-15 17:31:01

I just finished a relationship with a man I was crazy about because he started verbally abusing me. I was on my own with 2 dc & they were not used to hearing or witnessing such behaviour. I nipped it in the bud before they did, thank goodness, BUT it wAs definitely the right thing to do. No way did I want my kids to think that it was acceptable to talk to me like that. It hurts like hell, but I will get over it (I hope!). Good luck.

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